Do people really change?

[keith515]

I've read many stories about how the SO was a cheater, selfish, abusive, etc. The couple breaks up and then the one who was the bad one wants to get back with the one they hurt and profess to have changed and they realized the error of their ways. But do they REALLY change?

 

The pessimistic, realistic side says no, if they were a good person to begin with, they wouldn't have acted the way they did. The optimistic side says yes, they can change because even they acted poorly they really did feel guilty about the way they acted. So it's not that they changed per se, it's just that they started acting they way they knew and felt they should have. They decided to think of other people rather than themselves. They actually began to feel and act based on how it would affect people.

 

I, myself, have changed for the better in terms of personal development but I don't treat people or GF's any different than before. I've always treated my GF's with respect and affection.

 

I'm curious to hear some stories where you got back with someone OR if you two never broke up and the person ACTUALLY changed. I'm also curious to hear stories of people that SEEMED to show they changed but in reality, their true colors came out in the end. Thanks all!

[Lovelace]

I've never known a bad boyfriend to get better. Some of my girlfriends put up with the worst in humanity in their boyfriends. If they break up and get back together (usually because, surprise! The girl is now pregnant), he's just as crappy as before, but she's willing to pretend like he's behaving better. Mostly they just say nice things more often, but behave just as badly.

[HeartGoesOn]

Anything's possible, but I believe the answer is few and far between.

[BriarRose]

I believe people's basic personality characteristics such as empathy, honesty and morals are instilled from a fairly young age and not likely to change. I think you can work on certain things and improve them - like shyness and anxiety - but our core values stay with us for most of our life.

[Atticus90]

takes a very noble person to go from cheater to non-cheater. once a cheater always a cheater. if they were capable of doing it the first time, they're capable of doing it again. Key word "CAPABLE". they don't have that 'saying' for no reason...

[catfeeder]

The problem for me with a cheating ex who'd want me back is that I believe a person's core respect for people does not depend on whether or not there is something in it for him.

 

If someone claims to respect me 'now' because he wants me 'now', then that means if he's ever mixed about that feeling in the future he's got zero to lose by cheating again instead of breaking up. It's the lazy person's way of letting outcomes dictate his decisions. If he cheats and gets away with it, no problem, and if he cheats and gets caught, then oh well--I guess we break up then?

 

If someone's code of ethics is dependent on how he 'feels' about his lover at any given time, then I have no use for him. Period.