I think I am going to send a final message to my ex in response.

[DannyC]

I think I am going to send a final message to my ex in response to her message 2 weeks ago.

 

I did a thread 2 weeks ago about the e mail I got 6 months after she split. She has met someone else but thats life. She was courteous but her recollection of why we split up was not based on reality.

 

She has been with someone else for 3 months at least and moved on very soon after we ended.

 

I have a message in response that I have sat on for 2 weeks but think I will send it as a final closure. I know too much has happened now to get back together and now she has been with another Man for several months which means they have almost certainly been sh*gging I could not take her back even if it was a possibility as that would always be on my mind especially if it became physical comparing my performance with the other Man as I think guys do this.

 

What are you opinions before I send it ?.

[DN]

What purpose will it serve? What can you tell her that she doesn't already know?

[DannyC]

Probably none but I feel the need to do it.

[DN]

I think the likelihood is that you will get a temporary satisfaction but a bad reaction.

[odile]

Why give her any attention?

Take the energy that you would be spending on her, and direct it towards yourself.

[odile]

I think the likelihood is that you will get a temporary satisfaction but a bad reaction.

 

DannyC, after a quick peek at some of your old posts,

I have to say that I agree with DN.

 

Don't let this impulse get the best of you.

[marshmlofluff]

What are you opinions before I send it ?.

 

Same as they were two weeks ago. I think your best course of action is to take care of yourself--which means that for now you should put her in the rear view mirror and hit the gas.

 

I think only if and when someday you are totally over her should you get in touch.

[Maverick44]

Realistically, you wouldn't have to send it because closure is when you've them in the past and look forward. However, I say send it to only see you won't get the response you want and may serve as another stepping stone to moving on.

[LousySpy]

Have to agree with the others, Danny. Don't send it. Hopefully you'll be in a place where you don't even care in a few months. It's a place worth holding out for, trust me.

[DannyC]

Guys this is how I see it.

 

I am becoming physcilogical about the * * * * life throws at you. There is no point asking why ?. There is no point fighting it. It is what it is. There is no karma, things do not happen for a reason. * * * * things happen to good people and good things happen to * * * * people. It is all just random chaos with no purpose, no log...ic, no reason and no justice. That is life my friends and just accept it.

 

I am just about giving up. See the thread on atraction re looks. It is true looks is the only thing that matters and this thread reinforces it. Also financial security. Through no fault of my own I can't offer that anymore. I am not ugly, just an average looking bloke who is broke which I guess would appeal to 1 maybe 2 Women out of 100 looking for a bloke.

[odile]

Karma is something you create for yourself.

Looks are NOT everything-- there may be some people out there for whom looks matter most,

but these people are superficial, and you should be glad they will not bother you.

Trust me, there are some really unphotogenic people who have hearts of gold, and

the courage to let their hearts shine.

That self-assuredness and grace makes them very attractive to others.

 

Same goes for money-- do you really want a gold-digger?

Look through some of the threads in this forum, and you will see time and again

women talking about how wealth is worth less than a good work-ethic.

 

What it all boils down to is your attitude.

If you believe that you are not worthy of being loved,

then you will (however unintentionally) convince people that this is the case.

 

Life is hard.

Even the pretty people and the millionaires get a share of life's difficulties.

Nobody gets heaven on a platter, and if you are angry because you feel that you are

being denied something that you are entitled to, then you are barking up the wrong tree.

 

You need to work with what you have.

Work on your attitude, and develop the strength

to become the person that you wish you were--

the person that you have the potential to be if you can shake your negative attitude.

 

Work on yourself, and way that you are approaching your life.

If you can do this, you will find that even though life can be hard,

that it comes with rewards for those who are willing to seek and create a positive path.

 

Rewards far more precious than money, and more beautiful than any tangible thing.

[DannyC]

Big and bold words but thats all they are WORDS. I do not believe a single line of it.

[DannyC]

Without good looks, wealth, power in this World you have NOTHING. Believe me its true.

[DannyC]

odile you need to read the attraction thread regarding looks to realise 99% of people believe it is the only thing that is important.

[marshmlofluff]

Hon I will say it again--I believe that you must be a good man to have cared so much about your ex, and that you can and you will find a way to resolve your debt. I also believe that a lot more than 2% of women care about who a man is much more than how much he earns--I can't speak for all women, but my last boyfriend was broke and until the day he dumped me, I loved him to bits and would have married him. I am sure other people thought he was average looking, but to me he was the handsomest man alive. Nothing in life is certain, but I do believe--honestly--that once you get your mojo back there is every chance that there is someone out there for you. Women become single again all the time.

 

But just for the sake of argument, let us suppose that everything you wrote here is true, even though it isn't.

 

*Even* if women only care about looks/wealth/power, it still doesn't help matters to answer your ex, does it?

 

When someone has left you, and you still love that person, talking to them is like heroin. You get a fix; it stops hurting for a moment. A day later you end up worse than you were, and it hurts twice as badly. All you can do--no matter how hard it is--is fix the hurt yourself. And I mean the hard way--not with alcohol, not by talking to her--but by facing your pain and working through it and keeping on keeping on, and talking to people on here and in real life if you can.

 

Keep fighting man. I don't know you but I am sending you my good wishes.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Ok. Danny. Ugh!!! I don't know anything about your looks or your financial status, but I can say that this incredibly negative self-pitying attitude is extremely unattractive. I'm sorry to be so cold, especially when you're hurting so much - but it's the truth, and it's important for someone to tell you that. Hopefully you'll listen.

 

Yes, you've fallen on hard times - and all areas of your life seem to be hard at the same time. That's a staggering blow. Of course you didn't get into a financial bind on your own. Look at the economy all over. People are losing their homes and their life savings trying to get by right now.

 

But that doesn't mean we get to wallow in it. If you're broke, use your brain to create new ways of making money. Do that instead of creating self-defeating philosophies about how there is no justice in the world because you didn't end up with the girl you wanted. Just heard about the deaths of more soldiers who won't make it home to their wives and children - how fair is that? Should they quit living now?

 

I am sorry that these things have happened to you. I am not sorry for you. You will never get a good life this way.

[odile]

Big and bold words but thats all they are WORDS. I do not believe a single line of it.

 

That's your problem, right there in BOLD.

You're the one holding yourself back.

 

Your ex is out of the picture; you're the one holding on to her.

Quit it!

Stand up straight, and start owning your own power!

She can't give it to you-- nobody's gonna give it to you.

You have to OWN it.

Take responsibility for yourself.

 

Really, you're in a rough spot, but if you can work through this

without feeding the needy feelings

(you know, without tossing your energy into a black hole),

you're going to feel better for it in the long run.

 

At the very least, you might try this:

 

1. Write your thoughts out, but DON'T send them now; just try to get them out of your system by writing them down.

Then put the draft away.

 

2. Go out and do something fun, or interesting, or soothing.

Keep yourself busy, and distracted.

Wash, rinse, repeat for two weeks time.

If in two weeks you still want to send it, then go ahead.

 

odile you need to read the attraction thread regarding looks to realise 99% of people believe it is the only thing that is important.

 

Can you please post the link for that thread? I can't find it...

[Hell_On_Heels]

[odile]

]

 

Okay, I'm reading it now, but feel the need to point out a couple of things:

 

1. Just because someone is physically attractive does not mean that everyone will universally be attracted to them.

 

That thread is titled "how important is physical attraction"

NOT "how important is physical attractiveness".

 

See the difference?

Sure, looks count-- but they're not everything.

 

Nowhere in that thread has a single person said

that looks "are the only thing that is important", so let's just disregard your arbitrary "99%" figure, shall we?

 

They all said, 'I must be attracted; they must be attractive to ME',

not 'that person must be stunningly good-looking'.

In fact, nearly all of the posters seem to think that "average looking", but with other good personal qualities is most attractive.

Which is to say, they're not all looking for *Brad Pitt.

 

*(Who incidentally, I think is very average-looking).