I'm scared of kissing..

[Lily04]

I've recently started going out with someone and we're getting closer in our relationship..I know he's going to try to kiss me soon, and I would like to kiss him as well, but I'm feeling quite nervous about the prospect. I've never had a boyfriend (just recently had my first date..) so I'm not very experienced..at all. He's also 4 yrs older than me & probably dated a lot more. I know he just came out of a long-term relationship.

 

I'm scared of somehow not doing it right. That's probably irrational, but I tend to not be able to master simple things easily..I was one of those weird kids who had a high IQ but yet couldn't tie their shoelaces until 4th grade. (well not really, something like that) I know my mom really mothered me though, so that might be why; not necessarily the fact that there's something inherently wrong with me..it's just that there's so many things I seem really slow in, and I'm afraid this may be one of them..

 

Is there a way I can possibly mess this up though? Or, as pathetically nerdy as this sounds, is there any way I can learn to kiss? like any tips to practice or something? It might just make me feel more comfortable. Also, I'm not a very openly affectionate person to begin with..I'm sorta on the shy side so I'm not really used to hugs & such..even that was a step for me, although I am learning to open up more.

 

Well thanks to anyone that answers!

 

- sparrow

[Lily04]

Try watching the kiss scene in a movie to see how it's done if you don't know..but from what I'm told there's basically no way to screw it up...unless you're physically retarded in some way that restricts mouth movement..or something like that. But otherwise, don't stress about it.

[Slagar]

Hmm... actually, I too would like some help with this subject.

I have been going out with a girl for 4 months... and we still haven't really kissed.

(that sounds SO pathetic...

We are both eachother's first... and we just can't seem to do it.

Neither of us really know what to do... and when we get close, I think about it, which makes me self-conscious, and I can't do it. My girlfriend says the exact same thing happens with her...

Even though we've been going out for 4 months, she doesn't mind (thank god!) because she is in the same boat. We love hugging, but kissing seems to be quite a mental challenge for us both.

 

Btw, movies are NO help lol

 

If you haven't done so sparrow, read some of the tips on this site.

They haven't helped me, but maybe they'll help you!

Good luck! Please PM me and let me know how things go for you

[Mar]

If you don't want to seem completely inexperienced, ask him to show you how he likes to be kissed. It's simple, it'll give him an ego boost, and you're off the hook on fumbling around!

 

Kissing is almost instinctual-once someone starts to kiss you, you essentially follow their lead. Soft, quick kisses on the lips, and if tongue is introduced, you stroke his tongue with yours gently. You really CAN'T screw up kissing, so relax on that! As long as you don't try to jam it in his mouth, and stay gentle, you'll be fine. Kiss his cheeks, eyes, temples, neck, as well.......get used to him, in other words! He'll show you what he likes, and you'll pick up on it rapidly, I promise you!

 

Mar

[CherryliciousBabe]

I have talked to many people about this topic, and I have even talked to my lil sister bout it.....just like you, she was scared, and didn't know how. I'll tell you what I told her.....the girls massages/kisses hie bottom lip, and the guy massages/kisses her top lip.....you both kind of work off of each other. You start off with a few lil kisses/peaks, and then you slowly move into kissing for longer amounts of time, and you open your mouthes wider (but not real wide......you aren't trying to eat him)....then if you want can slip in the tongue really gently into his mouth, or he can do it......w/e.....just go with the flow,and like Mar said...you can always ask him how he likes to kiss and he him show you.

Relax.........it is Really hard to mess it up!......You Won't!

 

Good Luck....hope my advice helps.......chill out 8)

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

Thanks so much for the replies! I'll probably see him tomorrow, but I don't know if we'll kiss or not. I don't want it to be planned..I'm just nervous about it happening in general. It seems so foreign. And Slagar that doesn't sound pathetic. One of my best friends (who's 19) has been going out with a guy for a year now (their one-year anniversary was this weekend actually) and I have never seen them kiss except for a quick peck on the lips, the type you'd give to your mom/dad. They might kiss more intimately in private, but they both seem sorta shy about it. Even just that type of kiss causes them to become quite flustered actually..but I know both of their families are not the very affectionate type; their parents are strict & very academic and expect the same from their kids so I think that may have influenced it. My family's not as bad, except my dad's pretty strict and always frowned on dating..I know I'm not going to be like that as a parent though, I think it's good to encourage social interaction and evidently now I see it's important for later development.

 

Anyways, I'm just rambling on here, but I definitely think it takes longer for some people to become comfortable with others & I don't think there's necessarily something wrong with that. Slagar I think you're at a real advantage though because your gf has never kissed either, so who cares if you mess up, you're both trying! She can't compare you to anyone previously or something...I sorta wish I was in the same position actually..the guy I'm dating is 23, so he's probably gone out a lot more..but maybe not. In any case, I'm sure he's had his first kiss already, and I hate to look inexperienced & for him to notice..

 

oh well, anyways, I'll pm you to let you know if something happens. Thanks for the tips, I may look up some from this site later on as well.

 

- sparrow

[Spirits Away]

sparrow, don't you think that the guy would be more appreciative that he know that this is your first kiss?

What makes you think inexperience = bad?

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

I'm not really sure about this..I guess I thought I would look sorta pathetic to him if he knew that I never had a boyfriend (or even been on a date!) before and thus never kissed a guy before. Most people have their first kiss I would imagine around 15, probably at one of those spin-the-bottle type parties that I never really attended. Having a social life could've helped I guess =) I was just pretty shy at that time & only had a close group of friends, who never really enjoyed partying that much either. But in any case..getting a bit off-track here. I guess divulging that I never kissed anyone would prompt him to question why..if I wasn't really that social or less attractive during high school or even college, that would lead to that..and wouldn't that be a turn-off for guys?

 

Also I guess I'm just afraid of not doing it right & appearing foolish for that. That's why I'm scared of kissing in the first place..and still sorta am, even after the tips.

[sandra052785]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am scared to death of physical contact, and like yourself, even hugs are big for me. I've never had a boyfriend, nor have I been kissed... I'm scared as well, so don't you worry. You can give me support when your time comes Anyways, I wish you luck, and I don' t think he'll mind your inexperience. He'll probably think it's cute. lol

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

I actually forgot about this thread! But I just wanted to say thanks, Sandra, for the words of comfort & others. We haven't actually kissed yet..I think he senses that I'm not really used to the dating scene although I haven't told him, so we're taking it slow which I like. It makes me feel more comfortable. =) I feel much more comfortable around him now than before though; I feel that he's trustworthy & so things aren't as awkward as before. I think that's the key to things..before I was nervous about even hugs a bit, because it was new & unexpected but now I'm getting used to it. I think kissing is the same for me..he kissed me a few times on the cheek last time & I kissed him back (on the cheek) and then we said good-bye. This time things may go further but I'm not sure..I'm not really planning anything, I'll just see how it goes. Thanks again for all your help guys! =)

[lost_relic]

Hehe, I totally forgot about this thread too

 

Wow Sparrow, I am happy to hear things are going well for you

Yeah, I think that if your guy has realised, then he just finds it cute

There's no reason not to! I know I would

 

Thanks for the support and advice too everyone (Sparrow especially)... this is a great thread

We still haven't kissed yet... we both get very dry lips sometimes. She also kisses me on the cheek sometimes... I can't really do it back though, especially because my lips are so often very dry... *sighs*

We've also been together so long, that it seems a little strange to go ahead and do it... she might not be expecting it, and it could be embarrassing.

 

I should just go for it and do it I guess... lol. I know my "fears" are just silly

But we'll see... thanks everyone

[Lily04]

Hey lostrelic,

 

Is your other screename Slagar? I'm just a bit confused about how we gave you advice on this, but if you're someone new, then that's cool too =)

 

And don't worry about the dry lips thing..I guess it's a bit harder for a guy, because I *always* get dry lips (and hands, although I know that's hereditary) and just make sure I keep chapstick around anyways. Guys probably use chapstick too though, you could get the unflavoured type & she probably wouldn't even notice, if you're insecure about that! (just don't get one that's too smooth/gooey.)

 

But I understand what you're saying - I would feel the same way if I never kissed someone for that long. That might be why my friends still haven't kissed yet actually..so maybe you should find a special reason why you should! If you're x month anniversary is coming up that'd be great. If not though, then just kiss her at the end of the date and if she looks surprised just say that you've always been meaning to do that, and thought now was about time to try. (or something like that.) Or just don't say anything & surprise her, I'm sure she wouldn't mind if she kisses you already.

 

good luck, and thanks for updating us!

 

- sparrow

[Lily04]

Hi guys..

 

another post so soon, I know. Anyways, tonight was absolutely perfect..we watched 2 old black and white movies, it was so romantic. The only thing was that he tried to kiss me (open mouth) multiple times but I was too shy to kiss back! I sorta kissed him, but it wasn't the response he was looking for obviously. I was just really nervous. Next time I see him (tomorrow) I'm going to tell him that I never kissed anyone before, so that way he knows why & doesn't think it's that he's doing something wrong. I feel so bad but am still so nervous! This *really* sucks!!!

 

Anyways, just wanted to post 'cause I'm sorta upset about that..but hopefully things will be better tomorrow..I feel like such an idiot.

[Lily04]

Sparrow, sweetie, please don't be upset! He probably thinks you just want to take it slow & sees it as a challenge, don't worry about it! I would suggest that you tell him tomorrow though as you said, just so he doesn't think you don't like him or something..but he'll probably find it endearing, as another poster said, so don't be scared about it!

 

maybe just ask him to show you how it's done..and enjoy it =)

 

take care..

 

lily04

[Lily04]

Thanks Lily..

 

I'm just so embarrassed about it. I know he really wanted to kiss me, as he tried more than once, and at the most perfect times, but at first I didn't know he was going to, and felt confused..and later I just didn't want to because I was nervous. I really wanted to tell him that I never kissed anyone before but I thought maybe I could avoid telling him that if I just kiss him later..which never happened.

 

He didn't seem too upset about it afterwards, but I just talked with him over MSN a few minutes ago and he seemed pretty airy..I just hope I didn't offend him. I just feel so bad..I know tonight was perfect, I really should have kissed him but I couldn't..hopefully tomorrow will be just as nice though.

 

Thanks again Lily..

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

don't worry about it..I don't think he'd be offended by that..but if he still wants to see you tomorrow that's a good sign. Just be honest about it..tell him you were a bit nervous because you never kissed before. He'll probably find it sweet, if anything, and think it's cool that you were honest about your feelings..

 

Good luck & let us know how it goes. =)

[Lily04]

Hey Lily (and if anyone else is still reading this ^.^)

 

Well I had my first kiss yesterday! It was pretty cool, and I wasn't even stressed out, hehe. =) I think it was because we were both laying down taking a nap & I was too tired to really care, and he just kissed me then & I kissed back without really thinking. It wasn't hard, but our rhythm was off initially, although I started to get the feel for it afterwards. I guess it just takes practice But anyways, thanks again for the advice guys, it helped make me less nervous as well, so thanks soo much! =)

 

See ya,

 

sparrow

[KawasakiGurl]

Hey... I have a problem... im like challenged at kissing it seems sooo akward is it just me or do people feel like this for a little while? I need help... like how am i suppose to go into it and stuff if anyone can help me thatd be great thanks alot

[Lily04]

Yeah, I still feel a bit like this..although I haven't kissed much yet! But the first time was definitely a bit awkward, I think because it takes time to get the rhythm right..someone mentioned this in another thread as well. The only thing you can really do to make it less awkward & more comfortable & enjoyable for you (I would think) is just to practice doing it more often & eventually you'll get the hang of it. That's what I'm hoping anyways.

[Lily04]

I agree - I think it just takes practice, and then the awkwardness will go away. I've found it takes a while to get the rhythm right as well, especiall if you're french kissing..I'm still very new at that. But it's good that you're not scared anymore - congrats!!

[wikcrs]

From a boys pov though, If your girl seems to hesitate like described here. What could I do to ease her?

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

What I found helped me, and turned me on as well, is when my boyfriend caresses me on the back when he kisses me, and kisses me on other places as well after kissing me on the lips i.e. on the neck, chest, ears, bellybutton..it's sorta more sexy that way =) That eases me up a little as well. Also, try creating a nice atmosphere. My boyfriend & I usually kiss on his bed while watching movies, or listening to music. If you guys listen to romantic music that might help create a nice atmosphere & make her open up a bit more..

 

Also, I think it takes time for a person to feel comfortable with one another. Start slowly & after kissing her for a while, she'll probably ease up naturally once she gets to know you better..

 

Also, this post may help you out:

 

link removed

 

I think we need a guy's perspective now..what do guys like a girl to do while kissing? hehe. I don't think there's been a post about that..