S.o.s.

[alfalfa]

i am on this new plan. it's called "getting over my ex". it involves going on lots and lots of dates with new guys.

 

it's not working.

 

when these guys come to pick me up i'm like "ok... "so and so" is here........ i guess i should go now."....... but if MY BEAUTIFUL AND FABULOUS EX was here to pick me up, i'd be like "OMG!!!!! HE'S HERE!!!! IT'S CHRISTMAS MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANT WAIT FOR THIS DATE" and it'd be the best date ever.

 

how do you get on with life and open up to new people when all you can think about is how in love you are with someone else.

 

i went out with this really great/boring guy tonight. i gave it lots of chances. and this was NOT the first time. i've tried SO many tmes. none of them match up. will it ever?

[MauiGirl]

You're not ready yet. No one is going to measure up to your ex while you still want to be with him.

 

I went on a blind date, set up by our mutual friend, one week after my ex broke up with me - moreso just to get out of the house and keep myself busy. It was pleasant conversation, but the first thing I wanted to do when I left was call my ex (I didn't, we are NC).

 

Give yourself some time and don't date until you are ready. Maybe the guy that is great/boring to you at the moment would be 'great', if you were in a different state of mind.

[Blackey]

lol, this is not the way you get over your ex, you are too early into your break up.

Right now forget about dating other people, just go out with friends, talk to them as much as you can, try to figure out issues and to work and improve yourself.

Only after you are more or less stable you can actually date, right now it does you no good at all.

You have to be strong and go through and pain and the suffering the break up has induced on you, and at the same time you have to understand and learn the lessons it teachs you, as a result you will come out a much better and improved person.

Be honest with yourself about everything, as much as it hurts, this is the only way to overcome this pain and get over your ex.

[alfalfa]

ya i don't get it.

 

i get asked out ALL THE TIME.

 

and the i go on the dates. and get asked out for a second time: "i had a really great time with you...... blah blah blah'.................

 

but i don't GIVE A DAMN.

 

i miss him that's it.

[alfalfa]

am i in-human for being incabable of opening open to these people?

 

some of them seem decent.

 

but i miss him more than they even matter.

[alfalfa]

lol, this is not the way you get over your ex, you are too early into your break up.

Right now forget about dating other people, just go out with friends, talk to them as much as you can, try to figure out issues and to work and improve yourself.

Only after you are more or less stable you can actually date, right now it does you no good at all.

You have to be strong and go through and pain and the suffering the break up has induced on you, and at the same time you have to understand and learn the lessons it teachs you, as a result you will come out a much better and improved person.

Be honest with yourself about everything, as much as it hurts, this is the only way to overcome this pain and get over your ex.

 

funny. not early at all. years. it's complicated. and time to say goodbye. it's just so hard to do that.

[MauiGirl]

No...you are not inhuman....you are simply not ready.

 

The best way to get over someone is to spend time alone, or with friends. Take the time to heal yourself. Reflect on the relationship - the good, the bad, the things you liked/didn't like, the lessons it taught you, things you can work on.

 

It's hurts like hell, but you are in no shape to date someone. That's not fair to you, or to them. When the pain of break up subsides, you will realize that it's time to start dating again.

 

Don't try to rush it.

[MauiGirl]

funny. not early at all. years. it's complicated. and time to say goodbye. it's just so hard to do that.

 

How long is years? Why are you having difficulty saying goodbye?

[waveseer]

Having been in the same boat on and off for two years when the relationship (if you can call it that) only lasted for a year and a half, I can tell you that I had to DECIDE to get over him, not for him, not for a future relationship, not because I should, but because I wanted to be happy whether I ever have another relationship or not.

[MauiGirl]

Having been in the same boat on and off for two years when the relationship (if you can call it that) only lasted for a year and a half, I can tell you that I had to DECIDE to get over him, not for him, not for a future relationship, not because I should, but because I wanted to be happy whether I ever have another relationship or not.

 

Yes....well said. We all have to reach the point where we 'decide' to get over someone and move on - and not just to be with someone else, but for our own sake. Life is too short to be unhappy, when it could be waiting around the corner for us.

[alfalfa]

i don't want anyone but him. i don't think i ever will. i've opened up to others, i've had days, weeks, even months of this feeling of new love... and it's so fun!!....but then at the end of the day, my love for him just comes back and that's all that matters.

 

at the moment, i feel like one of those cheesy romantic ppl that will only ever have one true love........ adn at the moment, tha'ts what i believe................... but i HAVE to get over that now and i simply don't know how. it's always been him.

[alfalfa]

How long is years? Why are you having difficulty saying goodbye?[/Q

four years technically, one year actually.......

[WockaWocka]

i don't want anyone but him. i don't think i ever will. i've opened up to others, i've had days, weeks, even months of this feeling of new love... and it's so fun!!....but then at the end of the day, my love for him just comes back and that's all that matters.

 

at the moment, i feel like one of those cheesy romantic ppl that will only ever have one true love........ adn at the moment, tha'ts what i believe................... but i HAVE to get over that now and i simply don't know how. it's always been him.

 

Hi alfalfa, I get what you're saying here, that your ex had so many unique and special qualities you don't think you'll ever find again. That may be true. But it's easy to over-idealize what we can't have. And personally I want your "one true love" to be someone who accepts and appreciates you and who loves you dearly. Otherwise all his special qualities in the world don't matter and you might as well be in love with a celebrity or supermodel or some other man who couldn't give a damn. (I'm exaggerating, but hopefully you understand what I mean).

 

It is said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result... so if these dates aren't working for you, you might need to try a different approach and recover from your ex before you break any more hearts. ;-)

 

Eventually like waveseer suggests I think you just have to make a decision to get over the ex and move on. Even if not for new loves, then at least for yourself. I know this is easier said than done, at least at the moment. But keep it in mind as you work through the natural grieving process.

 

Best wishes!!

[fLuiD]

Before you can bring other people into your life, you need to take care of yourself first. Process the break up and don't begin dating again until you are over your ex. There is no rush to get back into dating. If you go into a new relationship without having sorted out your feelings about your ex, you are going to bring in unnecessary baggage into your new relationship and it will ultimately fail.

[alfalfa]

Yes....well said. We all have to reach the point where we 'decide' to get over someone and move on - and not just to be with someone else, but for our own sake. Life is too short to be unhappy, when it could be waiting around the corner for us.

 

But I don't want to get over him. I want him back in my life. It's just not the same without him. He was my best friend, my everything, my love. No one else will ever take that place in my heart.

[MauiGirl]

I am going to go out on a limb here....you sound young(er). If I am incorrect, forgive me, if I am correct, what you are saying makes sense. Age may be playing a huge part in you hanging on to your ex as your 'one true love'.

Age aside though. You need to really focus on yourself. What if you two NEVER get back together. Sorry to be so blunt, but your fixation on this will prevent you from finding anyone else.....and maybe that someone is meant to be your 'one true love'. This guy just got there first and clouded your judgement.

A lifetime is a long time to waste thinking about someone that doesn't want to be with you. Memories are a wonderful thing, but living in the present and making new ones is much better.