My Boyfriend's Friends

[CarnelianButterfly]

I have a few questions about how to act around my boyfriend's friends.

 

One of his friends acts very interested in me. He's always looking me up and down, he's more than attentive and its sort of overwhelming to me. I don't know how to act. I know I'm a flirty person, but I don't think I'm over the top enough that its inappropriate. I get the feeling that this friend bothers my boyfriend at times. He's made a few comments that he doesn't trust this friend and similar things. I don't know how to deal with it.

 

The second friend is my boyfriend's best friend. We spend a lot of time with him and it seems like I'm dating 2 guys. I like him, he's a great guy and my boyfriend and I have been trying to help him meet women. He's going through a stressful time right now, moving to a new place and thinking about going back to school, so I understand his need for some support. I try to suggest ways for us to be alone, but his best friend usually ends up in the mix in some way. Not sure what to do.

[WockaWocka]

Hi Carnelian,

 

One of his friends acts very interested in me. He's always looking me up and down, he's more than attentive and its sort of overwhelming to me.

 

I don't know how you've been responding to Mr. Googly Eyes but you might try being completely flat and cold. Sometimes these guys get off on seeing how much they can make women feel uncomfortable, and being completely unresponsive will get them to back off.

 

If you're not very good at the above (I'm not!) and your BF is a pretty even-tempered guy, you could also ask your BF not to leave you alone with him. (if your BF asks why just tell him you sometimes feel uncomfortable by Mr. Googly Eyes' attentions). Again it depends on his temperament, but ideally this will either help you avoid it or lead to your BF observing the behavior and confronting his friend privately, which could help.

 

The second friend is my boyfriend's best friend. We spend a lot of time with him and it seems like I'm dating 2 guys. ....I try to suggest ways for us to be alone, but his best friend usually ends up in the mix in some way.

 

Here I think it's okay to be explicit with your boyfriend that certain nights you want it to be just the two of you. You could just mention it in casual conversation that you like his friend but sometimes miss it being just the two of you. Make it clear that you are willing to give the two of them evenings to themselves as well.

Or.. instead of the above, try telling him "I want you all to myself tonight" in a sultry voice while caressing his chest or nibbling on his ears. I imagine you won't have any encounters with the best friend ;-)

 

Good luck!

[oldenoughtoknow]

Talk, talk, talk! That's what you need to do here. I know about the whole "bro's before ho's" thing, but if that's the level of intimacy you expect out of this guy, then that's probably all you're going to get.

 

It sounds like you and the first guy are both flirty. Maybe you can take it down a notch? It sounds like your BF is a bit leary of him as well, so talk to him about it. Ask him if he ever notices X giving you a bit too much attention. Then go on to tell him that at times it makes you uncomfortable. I wouldn't ask him to do anything. You should show him that you're a mature woman that can handle herself, and there probably isn't much he could do about it anyway short of losing the friendship. The important thing is to make him aware of it, just in case he does clue in at some point and then think your flirtatious nature invited the attention.

 

As for his best friend, keep in mind this is probably only temporary. As the other poster stated, you can simply ask for a few nights just for the two of you. I wouldn't bring both of these issues up at the same time, as he may feel inundated and think that you can't stand his friends. I don't think that's what you want to convey.