Do you delete your ex from Facebook?

[kitsune4]

A question for those who use Facebook. Just wondering what you do as far as cutting off communication, particularly with the popular facebook.

 

Curious because I'm trying to figure out what I should do about this guy I use to be involved with.

 

What sort of benefits/downsides do you find from either deleting them or keeping them on your friends list?

[LousySpy]

Benefits of keeping them = Nil. Downsides...Well, just have a quick look around here. You won't even need to go further than several threads on the first, most recent page of most sub-forums...

[luckyman]

The general consensus on here is that deleting your ex or rather blocking your ex on facebook while the break up is fresh or while still trying to get over the ex is the way to go. The benifits that this give's you is that it detaches you from whatever there doing, people go on facebook quite frequently changing and posting photos and status's that could easily hurt you while in a fragile state. I really don't see a downside to it other than by not seeing what your ex is doing you can garner false hope. Yet on this one me personally i'd block until i know im ready for anything knowing i would'nt get hurt.

[odile]

I'd say it depends more on how things ended than anything else.

Is your ex someone of questionable character, and someone who you would never want to speak to again?

If so, delete!

 

If you delete someone, it sends the message that either:

a) You somehow see them as a threat.

and/or

b) They are eliminated from your life-- that you don't even consider them worthy as an acquaintance.

 

However, is this person someone that you might imagine being friends with someday?

If so, then just leave it be.

Most people are 'friends' on facebook with people that they aren't particularly close with.

With that in mind, deleting could be seen as an act of aggression; stirring the pot and making an ordeal.

Whereas leaving things be is just allowing for a shift in the way that you relate to someone.

[pinkrobot]

No matter what my initial thought on the matter is, eventually there's a point where I'll realize, "Why have I not deleted him yet?" and then I'll do it. Even if you think there's a good reason to keep him as a friend now, some time down the road you'll probably realize it's a lost cause and he's just clogging your home page with stuff you don't care to read.

[odile]

luckyman's reply serves as an example of a) seeing the ex as a threat.

 

If you are really not capable of moving on without deleting, then by all means, you should delete.

Just be aware that you are sending a message to your ex when you do this.

At the very least, you are letting your ex knows that s/he hurt you deeply, and that you are not 'over it', and cannot imagine if/when you will ever be 'over it'.

 

But, if you have some self-discipline, it might do you just as well to simply stop looking at their profile for a while, and adjust your settings so that you no longer see their updates in your news-feed.

[odile]

No matter what my initial thought on the matter is, eventually there's a point where I'll realize, "Why have I not deleted him yet?" and then I'll do it. Even if you think there's a good reason to keep him as a friend now, some time down the road you'll probably realize it's a lost cause and he's just clogging your home page with stuff you don't care to read.

 

pinkrobot, I'm curious about what you mean by "lost cause".

Are you talking about holding onto someone thinking you might get back in a relationship with them, and later realising that this will never happen?

[luckyman]

luckyman's reply serves as an example of a) seeing the ex as a threat.

 

If you are really not capable of moving on without deleting, then by all means, you should delete.

Just be aware that you are sending a message to your ex when you do this.

At the very least, you are letting your ex knows that s/he hurt you deeply, and that you are not 'over it', and cannot imagine if/when you will ever be 'over it'.

 

But, if you have some self-discipline, it might do you just as well to simply stop looking at their profile for a while, and adjust your settings so that you no longer see their updates in your news-feed.

 

In the early stages of a break up many are'nt capeable of self-discipline not to look at the ex's facebook page. Thus the countless ammount of threads on here about facebook.

 

Also it is sending the message that you are trying to get over the relationship if anything, im sure if your hurt deeply and not over it, the ex will know through previous actions.

 

Lastly, it has nothing to do with them being a threat, its just another way of blocking them out to recover quicker, or at least thats how i interpreted it when i went through it.

[odile]

In the early stages of a break up many are'nt capeable of self-discipline not to look at the ex's facebook page. Thus the countless ammount of threads on here about facebook.

 

Also it is sending the message that you are trying to get over the relationship if anything, im sure if your hurt deeply and not over it, the ex will know through previous actions.

 

Lastly, it has nothing to do with them being a threat, its just another way of blocking them out to recover quicker, or at least thats how i interpreted it when i went through it.

 

Right, that's what I meant by threat.

You feel threatened/deeply upset by their presence, whether they are actively doing anything to hurt you or not.

[bearskittie]

the best thing is to delete them this way you heal more quickly and dont have to see that they are moving on quicker etc i had this problem except mine was to do with him on msn and family or friends on his FB page luckily i blocked and deleted him from everything it was for the best.

I even blocked an deleted his friends who have now i'm glad to say come back to me and lost his friendship due to his stupid behavior.

All the best with this situation.

[Cheetarah]

There's no benefits, as far as I can see it. I could list cons for you all day long.

 

1). You fool yourself into thinking there's still a 'connection' there.

2). You may see and/or read things you will NOT want to see.

3). They get some insight into your life, depending how you use FB. Why should they?

4). It can become a weird game of who can make more statuses that indicate they're extremely content being single/'so over it'

5). You may find yourself obsessively psychoanalyzing a status or link, somehow relating it to yourself/your break-up when it probably has nothing to do with you at all.

 

I've never taken an ex removing me from facebook as anything other than saying he's done and wants to move on.

 

Although my recent ex took it a step further and not only removed my family and friends but blocked them as well, which had me stroking my chin. It made me wonder if he thought they would contact him(they never would). But hey, maybe it was a self-discipline thing for him, too. I don't know, and NOW at this point it actually doesn't make much of a difference what his reasoning was, as I've been NC for over 2 months and it's done wonders as far as analyzing him and his actions go.

[odile]

How many of the people who are voting in favor of deletion were the ones that got dumped?

Would your feelings be different if you were the dumper?

[RedDress]

I'd say it depends more on how things ended than anything else.

Is your ex someone of questionable character, and someone who you would never want to speak to again?

If so, delete!

 

If you delete someone, it sends the message that either:

a) You somehow see them as a threat.

and/or

b) They are eliminated from your life-- that you don't even consider them worthy as an acquaintance.

 

However, is this person someone that you might imagine being friends with someday?

If so, then just leave it be.

Most people are 'friends' on facebook with people that they aren't particularly close with.

With that in mind, deleting could be seen as an act of aggression; stirring the pot and making an ordeal.

Whereas leaving things be is just allowing for a shift in the way that you relate to someone.

 

I agree with this to a certain extent...

 

The way to eliminate the negative perception of what you are doing (eliminating them completely from your life... act of aggression... stirring the pot, etc.) is communication.

 

When I broke up with one of my exes, I flat-out told him why I was deleting him. I told him I was not mad, that I did not hate him but that I did not want to see his status updates for a while, or his relationship status updates or whatever. That I needed to break the connection in order to move on. A year later, he re-friended me (he saw a random comment a made on a mutual friend's wall about something completely unrelated to him and wondered how I was doing) and we have been Facebook friends ever since. There is ZERO animosity there, ZERO illusion that we are going to get back together, we've both moved on (I think he has a gf now, even...).

 

I think that's the happy middle ground. Take what you need and tell them why. That way there is no wondering.

 

JMO

[Unknown1607307972]

I would delete. My ex deleted me, but I was expecting that as I am the one who ended things.

 

This is for the best as

1) It doesn't allow for snooping.

2) It is a form of cutting ties which is what we wanted.

3) Having ex partners on facebook is kind of a red flag for new partners.

[intolerable]

I blocked mine. It's a self-discipline action for me (he dumped me, by the way) and it helped a lot in my healing. Besides, I didn't want him knowing anything about me.

[iBroken]

Delete, Delete, DELETE!

[jony1234]

i just blocked my last ex... wont give her satisfaction knowing she hurt me enough to delete her.. i never ook at her profile...

[odile]

3) Having ex partners on facebook is kind of a red flag for new partners.

 

Is that true?

 

Personally, I'd prefer that a new partner have civil (if not friendly) contact with former partners.

So long as said new partner is honest, and not playing games, being in touch with previous partners

sends the message to me that s/he is someone who actually cares on a fundamental level about the people s/he gets involved with.

[arcadefire]

Block all the way. Prevents you from peeking when you have the urge, which is detrimental to your emotional sanity.

 

I do agree keeping exes is a red flag... then again I come from an experience where someone cheated on me with his ex he was "still friends with".

[Minx2012]

FB is evil when it comes to relationships and breaking up of relationships. It has become the perfect technological spy / stalking window into everyone's lives. All these years, the govt have always wanted to " view " the secret lives of all people in the nation...and lo and behold, they don't need any fancy tech, because they have Facebook. So my advice is : CUT YOUR EXES OFF FROM FACEBOOK ( BLOCK THEM, LIKE I DO ).

 

Why?

 

1) FB puts you into a torturous situation that robs you off your dignity : It allows YOU to stalk your ex ( if you're the dumped )...and then makes you feel bad and awful for doing so, because you see him or her moving on with their lives with new friends, NEW SIGNIFICANT OTHERS etc. Not only do you have to see * * * * on your newsfeed about his daily whereabouts and things he does, but it makes you feel increasingly worse about your situation : single, sitting in front of the computer screen, stalking your ex on Facebook ( even though you don't want to or try not to ).

 

2) You ALSO have to deal with mutual friends telling you this and that about the breakup...or commenting on status updates, walls with words of encouragement like " Oh hun..sorry to hear about you and ______. Call me if you need anything xx " ( if you're the dumped ). Or if you're the dumper, expect your friends to write * * * * like, " Maaaann...heard about you and ____. That sucks, because _____ was * * * * ing awesome! What's wrong with you ? " ( if you're the dumped ). In other words, EVERYONE will know what happened and instead of having the time to heal, you will constantly be reminded of the relationship.

 

I could go on...but these are the two main reasons as to WHY exes should be blocked from your FB page.