Seeking validation from others

[Brig]

Why do people seek to validate their own worth from the approval of other people? It doesn't make sense to me.. even though I do it.. it just seems so irrational. As an example, when I'm involved with someone, I feel normal and confident.. when I'm single, I tend to think a lot of other people are better than me.. better at what, who knows, I know that's a vague way to put it but maybe more desireable.. In my logical mind I know that's not true and I don't even really believe it entirely but there is an emotional side that craves that validation and feels worthless when it doesn't get it.. I wish I knew how to quell that emotional voice that rings inside my head telling me that I need to have a girlfriend to be worth a d***. This post probably doesn't make any sense, I'm just venting.. any thoughts on this?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

There are a lot of people who only feel whole when they have a partner and that is why they stay in bad relationships rather than being alone. To a certain extent we all seek validation from others...validation from peers, from work colleagues, from bosses, from family. Validation makes us all feel good. However, even without validation from others we should strive to feel good about ourselves...because external validation can be fickle...one day someone thinks you are amazing and the next day they may be disappointed in you or have found someone else to think amazing. Validating yourself allows you to continue on feeling good even when someone who thought you were amazing no longer thinks so.

[Nerdyjock]

You know what's funny...and here is me being vulnerable and honest, I am the exact opposite of you - when I am single I feel confident and happy. Sometimes though (not all relationships), when I am with someone, it takes very little by them and soon I feel eclipsed, insecure, and not myself.

[Brig]

I actually go in cycles. There's times when I'm really satisfied being single and there are times when it sucks. For me it really depends on the circumstances that got me to being single in the first place.

[Carnatic]

Because we are social primates who rely on working as a group in order to survive and reproduce.

 

Chimpanzees seek each others' approval, Bonobos do it, Baboons do it, Gorillas do it and our brains are wired in exactly the same way. We may have developed an advamced society and and gained self-awareness enough to realise when our instincts needn't be relevant in today's society, but we can't completely override our brain's compulsion to do what it has spent millions of years evolving to do.

[MissyM]

I am terrible for this, not so much with a partner but I lose sleep if I think someone doesn't like me. I am a real people pleaser and wish I could care a lot less what people think of me.