What do I do

[Zephyr]

I don't know what to do. My mom of only 39 this Monday in a car accident. I don't know how to feel because I was there.

 

Me, my mom, and my mom's 2 friends were coming home from the beach. While on the highway, we were on the on the leftmost lane. I saw a car on the right with a blinker saying it was turning left with no room. I remember hearing "What the * * * * !?". We turned left toward the little grass pit in the middle and then jerked right and swerved over 2 lanes. We then preceded to roll 5 or so times before landing upright.

 

I checked myself for any blood and undid my seat belt. I called 911 but the line was busy, luckily there was an ambulance right behind us. I saw my mom's friend upside down, face where the feet should be, with her arm laying over the shift or whatever. Huge gash, I could see the bone. She was asking for someone to help her up but I said "stay still, do not move". I got out of the car through the window and looked at the damage. There was food and items everywhere.

 

I looked down the road and I saw my mother 15 or so feet from where the car stopped. I walked up but she was unresponsive. I told her " Mom, I'm ok, stay with us." I knew she was a goner, her eyes were open but unmoving, there was a small puddle of blood underneath her and she was just groaning.

 

I walked away. I saw her other friend who was sitting next to me underneath our car. She had tons of blood around her. I found out she was alive later but broke every bone in her back, broke her pelvis, broke her shoulder and has brain swelling.

 

I called my sister approximately 3-5 minutes after the crash, then my grandmother, then my mothers sister. I was told to sit by the guard rail. Shortly afterward I gave a brief statement to the police, and I was put in a neck brace and such although I felt fine.

 

I walked away with a seat belt rash and some real soreness. I found out my mother died on that highway, they say it was quick. I wish I hadn't walked away.

 

The paramedics said I was unrealisticly calm for the situation I was in, and I remained calm under the news was broken maybe 3-4 hours later. Even then still calm, though when I got to bed at about 2 AM, I had a crying spell that lasted maybe 3 minutes.

 

I have to live with the visions of this * * * * ed up scene until I too die.

 

What do I do?

 

Oh I'm 19

[waveseer]

I am so sorry this happened to you and everyone affected. It will probably take some time to sink in, and traumatic events have a way of replaying themselves in our minds. Eventually you will think about it less but yes, it will probably be with you always. The most important thing you can do is allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling without judging yourself and to seek emotional and mental support whenever you need it. You do what everyone needs to do, you carry on.

[faithful14]

oh dear,

I'm so sorry for your loss : \

 

This must be so hard for you, I don't even know what to possibly say. Maybe visit a counselor or psychologist, someone you can talk to and help you.

 

I wouldn't hold back any emotions or feelings; just let them all come out.

 

Even though this was a tragic accident, at least take comfort that your mother didn't suffer and that she is safely with GOD now.

[Zephyr]

That made me chuckle. She always thought religion was bs. I can see why after being raised in one of those churches where you couldn't do ANYTHING. I kind of take after her but thank you for the kind words.

[marshmlofluff]

What do I do?

 

I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling. I am so very sorry to read your story. Life is so brutal and random and unfair sometimes that it is hard to make sense of.

 

The memories will always be with you--but you will survive, and you will heal. One day, instead of a huge raw gaping wound, there will be a scar there; you will think of that day--but it will not break you to do so.

 

Be brave, as you have been--in dealing with it and in finding the strength and courage to tell your story here. Have faith in your own strength and resilience and that things will get better in time. Focus on the simple things--breathe, eat, drink, keep putting one foot in front of the other. Do not neglect your physical needs. Remember to eat, drink, and take care of yourself.

 

As other posters have said, do not be afraid to seek help and support anywhere and everywhere you need to.

 

At 19 you have been through something that would break men much older than you. Someday when you are older, out of this experience and the suffering will come an iron-strong and compassionate man. Some years from now, when the pain has dulled, live your life as happily as you can--do that for your mother, and for your friend. Blessed with a second chance, you will have the wisdom that others do not--to value every day and love while you are able.

 

My heart breaks for what you are going through. Please accept the love and good wishes of one stranger.

 

All my love.

[livelarge]

I am so sorry for your tragic loss. I recently lost my sister to a tragic accident, but I wasn't there to witness it. I can't image the trauma that you are going through. That being said, I think you should read up on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and watch for symptoms in yourself.

 

Know that you may need help getting through this. Build your support system and take good care of yourself. My heart goes out to you.

[Zephyr]

Thanks for the kind words