I'm a mess

[Finch]

I don't even know where to begin. I'm so drunk right now as I right this. I'm so depressed. My life seems to be falling to pieces. I'm nearly 18 and I can't even pull myself together. Right now my Grandmother is dying and that depresses the hell out of me.. and the rest out my life just seems worthless and meaningless to me.

 

I just broke up with my girlfriend of a year and I have honestly no intention of getting back together with her FOREVER. But I just miss someone caring about me.. I'm in need of someone so badly. I met someone tonight named Becky who can relate to me 100%, but I'm sure she doesn't feel the same way about me as I do her. I just want to met a girl who can appreciate me as much as I can apperciate her.

 

I just feel ugly and worthless at the moment. I'm sure nobody here is going to understand what i'm going through or know what to say.. but i just have to vent. I am so alone. I have so many friends, but few of them TURELY understand what i'm going through. Some of them would honestly give their lives for me.. but I just dont' know what to do... I am working out, making money what work, improving every aspect of my life but nothing seems like it can build me up enough to gain enough cofidence to go on.

 

I long for a person, a woman, who I can just apprciate, love, and admire that can be mutal and be everything I have ever dreamed about but I know I"m just imagining things.

[neva_black_n_white]

i dont think you are imagining things at all, i know my name whilst i was talking to my boyfriend on messenger was ''dreams can come true'' and i guess everything is inevitable and its likely that people do break up and refresh relationships, but i know that what i feel i dont regret, and even though you dont have intent on getting back with this girl im sure you dont regret everything that you had together.

i sat there knowing of my past relationships, and i didnt ocmpare but i saw something more raw than anything before, i knew that was once a joke to others was now something beautiful i shared.

 

women and men come in a vast variety its not just opposite sex its people who are obliviously to one another until you take a grasp at life and show a person who you really are, you not just a man you want more than that you want the woman who can feel the same for you as you do for her. the reason you feel down is because you have lack of motivation and hope.

 

even though you reckon i cant relate, i think i can, my nans really ill at the moment ive watched her detiorate from being a woman of the world who could outlive me at any moent in time to finidng it difficult to move, she used to comment on how she loved us being around her but now she doesnt want us to waste our time. and do you know what, wasting our time would not be being with her, you love you nan like i do mine, so spend time with her, if it hurts to see her the way it is, dont look at it that way, look at her through her prime and the love she has forever offered, look deeper like you already do in other aspects of life, gain from a loss and see that maybe she should be the woman of the moment, not a girl but give your love for her, dont grieve before the time. i know this may comne harshly but trust me death has never been something i took lightly, i swear if my fish dies im in histerics, so dont take me wrong, im just saying that unfortunatley its inevitable so love her dont loose her before she has gone.

 

as for the girlfriend well women you talk about, take it as it comes, dont set things too high knowing your going to fall but dont set a mat down waiting to fall either, you find a person when you arent looking, and the beauty of it then is thats its natural and not forced. my man at the minute was my best friends ex and my exs best friend, we worked through it, it was never planned, and i have never felt love as i do now.

 

imagination is one of the most beautiful things we all portray and if you think its all a state if mind then i promise you, you shall love life when you see it is reality.

 

good luck in life.

kel