I was a nice girl and attractive ..why??

[sunday2010]

I was nice, i dressed well, gave my all and it wasn't enough

being attractive isn't enough.I'm attractive inside as

well even though I didn't show it sometimes.he would always say gosh you're a nice girl.so why why throw us away!!!!

 

 

yes we broke up over some huge issues...

 

he always said even the last words said was that he was attracted to me so why why why did he throw me away like rubbish.i asked him i thought you were attracted to me and he said he is.

 

 

 

we were soulmates and he never even remembered the good in me .I know I have that in me and its emerging now but why did he not give me more chances to fix it. the pressure and stress of our situation at the time was ahuge killer.couldn't he see if you took that away that I would of improved and been more positive.i just can't deal with ll of this most days.

[MetaphorDavis]

You should have given less and been alittle meaner. Perfection is boring.

[sunday2010]

You should have given less and been alittle meaner. Perfection is boring.

 

i wasn't perfection.. i can tell you that.and i'm far from boring thankyou...

[MetaphorDavis]

Didn't mean to come down alittle harsh on you. Your trying too hard. Show some indifference...

[Ms Darcy]

I am going to quote something you said a month ago ...

 

 

 

Hi dear,

 

I think you should reflect upon the entire relationship, and not on your looks. I don't think it has anything to do with your looks. I think that he's been unsure about this relationship for a long time ... I mean you had to push him into moving in with you after three years together and he wanted so much space you didn't even know if he wanted you in his life.

 

I think the moving in was really the breaking point. I suspect that he was generally upset with you, perhaps with how you were handling the neighbors as he said or just wanting to end the relationship, and he was really pulling away the whole time. Thus, he didn't defend you during the verbal assault ... by that time he was already wanting to break up.

 

I am truly very sorry about all of this. This sounds very painful for you. It sounds like you started dating someone who you really cared about and really felt like you gave a lot to even though he had no direction. I can hear anger that now that he has direction and a new relationship, he has seemingly thrown you away. I would say that this feeling isn't quite the case.

 

I think for a long time you had a guy with one foot out the door after the honeymoon and you were really hoping to hang on, because you are loyal and loving, but moving in really made continuing the relationship impossible.

[sunday2010]

yeah i woudl think this si the case now.I don't understnd why he always said you're attractive etc etc why say that if you're unsure of the relationship balh blah.why say things along those lines if you truly don't want to be with somebody.I woudl say all the time if he was unhappy with things,to break up with me did he do it in those situations no.and there were plenty of times he coudl of walked and didn't. i gave him those options but he didn't leave.he was waiting for some gal to come along to fill my place.he could fo walked away three montsh afetr meeting so why didn't he?? another better option hadn't come along

[ellandroader]

You should have given less and been alittle meaner. Perfection is boring.

 

Being mean just to keep someone is like starving a dog in a cage to it's limit and then giving it a bit of food just to keep it's love. It's wrong and if you have to "treat em mean to keep em keen", then the relationship isn't that great to begin with.

 

 

To the OP - like every relationship, it sounds like there were differences in yours too. I have always been of the opinion that if somebody can't/won't appreciate a good thing and says things that make you feel as if you have been "thrown away" (trust me, I have been there and felt the same), then they are not the great person that you assume. I am not saying all breakups mean that both or either one of the people involved are bad, but in some certainly, you are seeing the true colours of them.

 

I am sure you are attractive and a great catch, don't buy into the "too nice" theory, there is no shame in that and reading your account on events - okay, maybe events did take their toll but you haven't committed a cardinal sin either and for him to choose an apartment over you - hey, a girl chose a guy who didn't love her ahead of me because he could wine and dine her. All in all, I believe you will emerge stronger for this and find somebody who will appreciate you more. If my girlfriend had the issues that you had in her apartment complex, I would surely fight for her. I can't understand why he doesn't but if you love someone, you would surely do that.

 

All the best with your healing. Look at it this way, at least you didn't get married to this bottler. It could have been a lot worse but I feel that you dodged a bullet, honestly.

[sunday2010]

wow thanks so much for your support you post has been something I have wanted to hear fronm somebody for quite some time.my parenst said the same thing.How could you choose an apartment over your GF???

 

the fact you have read my history or know it is is great too.

 

the fact he chose the apartment over me and the issues I was having with the neighbours to ignore them and just let me rot was indescribable.It was th eworst time of my life, and i look back and can barely believe it even happned.I'm going to print out your post and read it when i feel down.

 

you seem to really get where I'm coming from.

[pinkelephant]

it's funny. i was just talking to my friend about it. sometimes, being a "great catch" is a bad thing. because generally speaking, people will know when you're a great catch. and then they're reluctant to break up with you even when they're not 100% sure they want to be with you, because you look so much better than everyone else..

[sunday2010]

i'm not a supermodel or anything but peopel say 'm attractive but it doesn't really get you anywhere thats what I've found.

 

i'm on dating sites and they say wow you're attractive why are you still single ? And ist like dude ist all about chemistry and if theres a spark and you get on things happen.

 

but we are avery looks orientated soceity and it all that matters to some people.

[ellandroader]

wow thanks so much for your support you post has been something I have wanted to hear fronm somebody for quite some time.my parenst said the same thing.How could you choose an apartment over your GF???

 

the fact you have read my history or know it is is great too.

 

the fact he chose the apartment over me and the issues I was having with the neighbours to ignore them and just let me rot was indescribable.It was th eworst time of my life, and i look back and can barely believe it even happned.I'm going to print out your post and read it when i feel down.

 

you seem to really get where I'm coming from.

 

I am glad and flattered to have been able to help

 

I can honestly see where you are coming from because I have had the same treatment. I have been told I am too nice (yet my current SO thinks I have a kind heart but an "edge" too and she knows I will never let anybody treat her badly), too boring, had my background and upbringing smashed and most of it I believe is because the people I picked were bad for me, but in some they were too scared of commitment or taking personal responsibility, which I think might have been an issue for your ex too. When people want out, they very rarely admit to that and will tend to look for reasons to bail - I am sure this happened to you too, to an extent. Your family sound very supportive - listen to them too.

 

Chances are that eventually, he will end up pretty lonely and either (a) be sorry for what he has done or (b) just keep waddling along in denial. Either way, I hope you are over this by then so that you don't even care about what he is doing.

 

Send me a PM if you want to see an email that one girl sent to me a few years back after leading me on....she now is very lonely after being screwed in a similar way and I came through it, learnt from it, bettered myself and found somebody much better

 

 

 

it's funny. i was just talking to my friend about it. sometimes, being a "great catch" is a bad thing. because generally speaking, people will know when you're a great catch. and then they're reluctant to break up with you even when they're not 100% sure they want to be with you, because you look so much better than everyone else..

 

That too is a very good point, sad but true. Sometimes the physical/materialistic advantages are what keep some people interested Not everybody though...

[ellandroader]

i'm not a supermodel or anything but peopel say 'm attractive but it doesn't really get you anywhere thats what I've found.

 

i'm on dating sites and they say wow you're attractive why are you still single ? And ist like dude ist all about chemistry and if theres a spark and you get on things happen.

 

but we are avery looks orientated soceity and it all that matters to some people.

 

Haha, I got that a fair bit (I just said thanks or let it go over my head) but when it came to it, they either wanted something (which was really nothing, if you get my drift) or I would meet someone, and they would never know what they want.

 

Chemistry does count for an awful lot and actions count even more.

[sunday2010]

Haha, I got that a fair bit (I just said thanks or let it go over my head) but when it came to it, they either wanted something (which was really nothing, if you get my drift) or I would meet someone, and they would never know what they want.

 

Chemistry does count for an awful lot and actions count even more.

 

very very true....its a minefield out there, did pm you by the way.

 

these out theer satements liek why are you still single ...its crazy .. its like they can't figure out anything else to say.

[Ms Darcy]

but we are avery looks orientated soceity and it all that matters to some people.

 

My bf is ridiculously attractive ... and I'm not. I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm not a model. I'm cute. Anywho, there are a lot of men who seem to prefer cute. Really attractive can be intimidating to approach.

 

But like you say, it's really personality that keeps them coming.

 

To your ex ... I think a lot of times people don't leave a relationship until they are ready. And it's entirely possible he was waiting for something to happen or someone else. I know TWO guys who dated two girls for YEARS, saying they weren't really into marriage. Then they dumped the women when they met their wives. So weird. (But, then again, the girls they were dating had some serious emotional issues).

 

But another thing to consider is that he may have just been plopping along day-by-day, not plotting to leave you but not planning to commit.

[sunday2010]

My bf is ridiculously attractive ... and I'm not. I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm not a model. I'm cute. Anywho, there are a lot of men who seem to prefer cute. Really attractive can be intimidating to approach.

 

But like you say, it's really personality that keeps them coming.

 

To your ex ... I think a lot of times people don't leave a relationship until they are ready. And it's entirely possible he was waiting for something to happen or someone else. I know TWO guys who dated two girls for YEARS, saying they weren't really into marriage. Then they dumped the women when they met their wives. So weird. (But, then again, the girls they were dating had some serious emotional issues).

 

But another thing to consider is that he may have just been plopping along day-by-day, not plotting to leave you but not planning to commit.

 

i don't think i'll ever understand what really happened.....

 

I woudl say I'm cute not overly intimidating attractive..