Making friends in your 30s

[jj237]

Hi eNotAloners. I'm a 38 year old man with few friends (in fact I would consider most of my friends as "acquantances"). I've always been somewhat of a loner but I've discovered as I've gotten older that I need intimate friendships. I was just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation and what might be the best way to go about making new friends. Making friends seems to come so naturally when you're in your teens and twenties but in your 30s it seems so much more difficult. Thanks for any insight you can provide.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think as you get older it is harder to make really solid intimate friends because everyone is so busy with their own lives and everyone has such different interests. I have the same problem as you and spend most of my time doing stuff alone. I have plenty of acquaintances at work and in the neighbourhood whom I chat with when I see them around..but not real solid intimate friends. However, in my experience often acquaintances can be more help during the rough times than some friends.

[wildchild1]

Join a brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class.

[Iceman26]

Hi eNotAloners. I'm a 38 year old man with few friends (in fact I would consider most of my friends as "acquantances"). I've always been somewhat of a loner but I've discovered as I've gotten older that I need intimate friendships. I was just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation and what might be the best way to go about making new friends. Making friends seems to come so naturally when you're in your teens and twenties but in your 30s it seems so much more difficult. Thanks for any insight you can provide.

 

Right there with you dude. I moved to Houston 4 years ago and haven't really been able to make new friends. I went from being single to being married with children, so I have found friendships hard to make simply because of time.

[stormie]

I've been in that same boat when my ex and I split up, but I've been trying link removed. I haven't made any intimate friends yet, but the events are fun enough for me to beat the boredom blues. Hopefully that will change over time

[Gath]

It takes a lot of time and shared experiences to get to be a close friend with someone. You can't expect it to get close, and we're all so busy as we get older its harder to make those experiences, it takes work and effort.

[mfan]

I hear you, jj. I think the hardest parts of meeting people in your 30's are (a) finding people who are not already completely busy, bogged down, and unavailable, and (b) finding people who won't suddenly leave the state/country forever and become just a long-distance pen-pal, which isn't what you want if you want to have intimate friends.

 

I don't have any good suggestions, but I wanted to empathize that it can be tough finding people who are available and willing for friendships.

 

Stormie, what kinds of meetups have you found interesting for meeting people?

[electric7]

Hi, I can relate to what you are saying, check post "young dad dealing with friendship"

 

I think you should sign up for a class .. foreign language class, a sporting class, or some kind of club, like a rollerblading club, photographer club, etc. Off the bat, you are bound to have some shared interests with these people since taking classes is all about interests. No one signs up just to waste money away.

 

Also, try to organize social activies with your colleagues. Don't wait for them to invite you or come up with something .. take charge and plan.

[FarthestEdge]

If you want to MAKE a friend, then BE a friend.

 

When your 'acquaintances' are moving, building a deck, or fixing their car...offer to help. If they are taking a camping trip, say "If you need an extra tent, I've got one you can borrow" etc....If one of them is having a hard time with their wife/gf/job...call them up & say "Hey- wanna get out for a beer & play some pool/golf..."

 

Be the "go-to" guy they can count on. When they offer to pay you, say "No man, just happy to help out", but if they offer to take you for a beer, then "sounds great"

 

I've observed that men generally don't sit around talking about their lives...they prefer to be doing something and casually mention things..But it seems to me that turning work into a social thing helps guys to bond...

 

But I'm a woman, so I could be wrong...Just thought I'd throw it out there

[Gath]

very good advice!

[Lucy__lou]

Hey jj,

 

just another one here who empathises. It get's harder as soon as you hit the 30.

 

If you find the typical guy stuff like sport a bit shallow, I've heard there are men's groups around the place, don't know much about them but I think they target men who are more comfortable talking about their feelings.

 

And yeah, just the old advice of getting involved in things that interest you.

Do you live alone? is your house nice enough to have a dinner party? I think dinner parties are a good way to bring people together and turn acquaintances into friends.

[stormie]

I hear you, jj. I think the hardest parts of meeting people in your 30's are (a) finding people who are not already completely busy, bogged down, and unavailable, and (b) finding people who won't suddenly leave the state/country forever and become just a long-distance pen-pal, which isn't what you want if you want to have intimate friends.

 

I don't have any good suggestions, but I wanted to empathize that it can be tough finding people who are available and willing for friendships.

 

Stormie, what kinds of meetups have you found interesting for meeting people?

 

 

Well, I haven't found a specific meetup that makes friends, but what I usually do is sign in and search for an activity that I'm interested in. The last time it was a girls tech group, so I went for that. When I went, the people seemed nice and I had a good time, so I figure if I continue to attend these events, maybe something good will happen.

 

Since then, I've also signed up for rock climbing and other outdoor sports. I find people are a lot friendlier and chattier when they are excited about doing something.

[daffodil444]

I hear you, jj. I think the hardest parts of meeting people in your 30's are (a) finding people who are not already completely busy, bogged down, and unavailable, and (b) finding people who won't suddenly leave the state/country forever and become just a long-distance pen-pal, which isn't what you want if you want to have intimate friends.

 

I don't have any good suggestions, but I wanted to empathize that it can be tough finding people who are available and willing for friendships.

 

Stormie, what kinds of meetups have you found interesting for meeting people?

 

i can very much relate too