bigheart09 Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 Well it has been over a week since I broke up with my bf of almost 5 years. It was very nasty on both sides, but more on his. He went as far as to say he hated me and never to contact him again. Well, he has obviously cooled down since he has contacted me a couple times (in regards to loose ends, questions, etc) but has been very nice in the texts/emails (no phone calls). I have basically not answered. I have been doing well under the circumstances. I woke up today missing him so badly and just breaking out in tears randomly throughout the day. I know it has only been a week and I cant expect to heal overnight. We never really talked when we broke up and it was all over text and a heated argument. I dont really have any desire to see him again after what he said to me, but I feel I need some "closure" I spent 5 years of my life with him, loving him, taking care of him, thinking we would be together forever. His answer to getting over everything was getting laid...such a guy answer. I guess time will heal all wounds, but just so heartbroken! Link to comment
Triplell Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 Just like you said, time will make it heal, but that doesn't mean it still isn't going to suck. In regards to what he said, I wouldn't take it too much to heart. You said you broke up with him, and I'm sure he was very heartbroken by that. Sometimes people skip the pleading stage and go straight into anger. Whatever you decide to to, make sure you are happy with your decisions. It's hard to just break up after 5 years of being together. It would be like if you had a best friend and got in an argument and never spoke to them again, although most of the time breaking up is even more difficult because of all the plans that go along with it. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 First of all it's only been a week so you are going to feel bad, and feel bad for a while you will. I don't know why the two of you broke up. It's been about 3 weeks for me and it all happened over text/email too. I also felt/feel that there is no closure, but I have realised I need no more closure than I get from knowing that he doesn't want to be with me. That is closure enough. Doesn't matter what they have to say, doesn't matter what questions you have. And the fact that I can be removed from his life with a simple email after 4 years speaks volumes. And any questions you ask will probably not be answered honestly and will leave you with more questions that you originally had. But time is the answer as annoying as that is. Time is a word I have come to hate. But it will get better. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Share Posted July 6, 2010 Well I broke up with him but he totally turned it around and acted like he was over the relationship years ago...I wanted to sit down and talk about it like civilized adults but he wanted no part of it. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 A week really isn't that long... not really. Though I know those early days post breakup and a week seems like an eternity... and then some. You are doing the right thing by not answering him and putting some distance between the two of you. If things ended a little nasty then a cooling off period is a must!!! Starting to talk now for whatever reason will not end well and multiple the awful feelings you have now a hundred fold. First and foremost its okay to be sad! This is a life changing event and now you have to regroup and look at the future a bit differently... that is daunting. Second - its okay to miss him and miss him madly. A big part of your life was wrapped up in him for a very long period of time. Thirdly - just like you already know... its going to take time. Give yourself 30days to be free of the drama that ended things. Circle it on your calendar. On that date re-evaluate if you really want to talk to him or not. If you feel that talking to him will give you the closure to more forward then I don't see why you couldn't approach the subject at that time but what many people feel is that 30days is either too soon so they wait longer or they figure out they don't want the trouble and just keep moving forward! HUGS Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Share Posted July 6, 2010 I agree with you, if he can erase me from his life with some nasty texts then so be it. We have some financial things we need to figure out, more for him than me, and he hasnt even mentioned it. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Share Posted July 6, 2010 That is great advice, thank you! Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Share Posted July 6, 2010 Also, I know him too well. I know he will send me some stupid email in a couple months trying to be all nice and be friends. I definitely do not want that. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 Are you certain that this break up is the right thing? Why did you feel the need to end it? Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Share Posted July 6, 2010 Are you certain that this break up is the right thing? Why did you feel the need to end it? Yes it is the right thing...he just wasnt making the effort I needed. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 Yes it is the right thing...he just wasnt making the effort I needed. That is a good a reason as any. I admire you for having the strength to walk away from a relationship that wasn't right for you. I know how lack of effort can really affect you emotionally because I have just come out of a relationship where there was a severe lack of effort on his part, and it's soul destroying! Still, it's not easy even though you know it was the best thing. So my advice is stick to your guns and get things sorted that you need to. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Share Posted July 6, 2010 Well it came to a point where I didnt have a choice....I did soo much for him that no one would ever do...I gave him all my heart and he just broke it without a thought. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 Well it came to a point where I didnt have a choice....I did soo much for him that no one would ever do...I gave him all my heart and he just broke it without a thought. What do you mean when you say you didn't have a choice? Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Share Posted July 6, 2010 I didnt have a choice because the days prior to the break-up he made the choice for me due to some of his actions....He was acting like the relationship wasnt important to him anymore- Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 I didnt have a choice because the days prior to the break-up he made the choice for me due to some of his actions....He was acting like the relationship wasnt important to him anymore- Ah yeah I completely understand where you are coming from. It was the same for me. I instigated the break up but he carried it through. But it's still good that you knew you were not willing to put up with such behaviour! Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Share Posted July 7, 2010 ShoeFairy....I think I got so used to his ways that I didnt even know what was strange and what was normal after a while....Dont get me wrong, there were some wonderful times, but I feel that he just had me proving my love while he skated through....he does this with all his relationships (friends, family, gfs) It seems everyone else is always putting in the effort not him He also had a medical condition and I took care of him time and time again, while I am sure most people wouldnt have Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 ShoeFairy....I think I got so used to his ways that I didnt even know what was strange and what was normal after a while....Dont get me wrong, there were some wonderful times, but I feel that he just had me proving my love while he skated through....he does this with all his relationships (friends, family, gfs) It seems everyone else is always putting in the effort not him He also had a medical condition and I took care of him time and time again, while I am sure most people wouldnt have That's exactly like me. I think I got used to it and the bad treatment started to feel normal. It had me questioning what was right or wrong in the end. I put up with things I thought I would never be able to put up with once upon a time. I am actually shocked that I did now. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Share Posted July 7, 2010 I know in the long run this is for the best. it is just so weird to not be able to talk to the person you talked to 5 times a day for the last 5 years....i had good news today and I wanted to tell him.... Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Yeah it is for the best and I know that deep down too. Actually relieved in a way that I no longer have to put up with anymore nonsense or have to think about how he hurt me in the past daily. Every day was a struggle thinking of things he had done and trying to be "normal". Sure it hurts now, but we will get over it. And not talking to him won't take you long to get used to. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Share Posted July 7, 2010 I woke up today sad and upset again. Ugh, this sucks. At least I have friends and family to keep me straight Link to comment
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