Hardly any chance...but still...

[sektor2006]

Okay, here's the situation:

 

About 7 months ago at my university I met a girl who quickly caught my attention. I don't know what it was but we developed a friendship very quickly in just a few days. I guess she's one of those people with whom you simply click together. The thing is we can only see each other for only a few days every few months on exams (next time it will be in February 2011) due to the university exam schedule. In the meantime we keep in touch on the phone, Skype, e-mail etc. Anyway I wanted something more than just a friendship so I decided to do something about it until I found out:

 

- She lives about 150 miles away from where I live - not very far away but far enough not to be able to see her often.

- She's been into a relationship with some guy for 7 years and they are still together. I imagine he's her first boyfriend in her life so far.

- He practically lives with her and her family - sort of he's part of the family. She doesn't want to marry him yet however.

- Apparently the relationship has lost some of its glamor but it is still pretty much alive and well.

- She's got feelings for this guy.

- And last time we met (about a week ago) she found out I have something for her (said she sensed it) and explained to me that she can't leave this guy after 7 years, she has feelings for him, that I should look for another girl and that I shouldn't imagine something happening between us. It was hard for me but I respected her decision.

 

Anyway she didn't get scared and she didn't end our relations, in fact this conversation has hardly had any effect on them - they are still well and going.

 

The problem is that I really care for her - she's got the looks, and more importantly she's got some rare qualities that I respect very much. In a few words a girl who's worth it and can't be found every day.

 

Now I realize that after all this the chance of having a relationship with her is below zero but something still keeps me attached to her, I simply don't want to acknowledge my defeat and let her go. I've been thinking of trying to get to her one more time, but this time doing it very slowly the best I can by becoming someone very close to her and maybe one day things between us will evolve into something more than just a friendship. Of course I've been looking for another girl too but this one...I don't want to let her go without a fight.

 

So what do you think? Should I have any hopes of changing the situation down the road or I should simply go with the friendship we have and forget about having her as something more than just a friend....???

[JessieGirl]

There's nothing wrong with keeping her as a friend in your life.

As long as it's not hurting you. And as long as it doesn't prevent you from MOVING ON.

If another girl sparks your attention, and you find yourself backing off in hopes of this other girl...then it's time to end the relationship all together.

 

The girl you like obviously has other things going on. The most important thing being her 7 year relationship with another man.

If she's told you to move on, and not think of you guys getting together.

Then take her advice.

Because coming from a female...that kind of statement usually means she's not into you. And that could be for a factor of reasons, but as I said earlier, the most important one being her partner of 7 years.

I'm not too sure you can compete with that as much as you'd like to.

 

But to sum it up...there's nothing wrong with being her friend.

But as long as you can handle it.

Don't hold on to, "What if?" Or "Who knows what will happen down the road?"

I think we've all done this, and it doesn't turn out too well.

You can end up holding on forever. And that's not healthy.

 

As I said before...keep being her friend. Don't manipulate her or try to change the situation. It will only make matters worse. Let things unfold on their own time.

 

Just keep being you, and good luck!

[wheatgrass82]

she belongs to another (before i get a tyranny of insults for using hte word belong....... i like it. it applies)

 

so yeah... she is with that dude. she says she is happy. do the right thing and let her go. I've been in your situation twice in my life.. really really loved or liked someone who was taken. You have to do the right thing and leave her be. If it's meant to be... it'll happen one day. but not now. don't persue someone who is in a relationship. that is a no go zone.

 

sorry x i know how it feels. but you gots to

[capilot]

Okay, here's the situation:

 

- She's been into a relationship with some guy for 7 years

 

Ding ding ding ding. Annnndd, we're done.

 

See, wasn't that easy?

[sektor2006]

Hello again!

 

I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone who wrote on the topic. You were all so helpful. You see you gave me a new perspective of things - I never considered keeping her as a friend only in case it does not hurt me. Honestly I don't know what I am going to do with her. On one side it would be stupid of me to cut all contacts with her, although so far I have always done it once I get rejected (I think it is better for both sides and helps forget the girl), on the other side I am afraid that having any contact even only at the university will prevent me from forgetting her and moving on. I guess I just need time to sort all of this out and to let my warm feelings for her disappear.

Anyway most likely I will just keep her as a friend, leave things on their own and just live my life...this is the best I can do for me and her at this moment.