was it completely my fault

[resilient7]

hi everybody.

i was in a relationship 1 half ago and i now see where my errors lay.according to my ex's brother i shouldnt have gave her everything.whats everything you say: cooked for her once,for passing the semester i made her a ice cream plant.well you kinda get the picture.we would constantly bicker over nonsense(she was 18,me 23 at the time)whenever we fought she would always say that with her former BF (her first love and 1st official BF) she was the more mature one and that just because i was good looking didnt mean i was right and i must be used to having it my way all the time with girls.(she was plenty good looking herself and she was my first GF).anyways,i would end up apologizing most of the time. and to this her bro and family would say i didnt stand up for myself and would belittle myself.yes,i do believe the relationship was one sided and i pretty much ended dating myself.and then of course the worst part is after she broke up with me i decided to stay 5 months in her country and try winning her back and show her how much i really cared for her.yep,the mother of all mistakes.

i realize i showed weakness in her seeing me cry,beg,plead.i even sang her a love song in another language OUCH!..I wish i could go back and shoot that guy. i did find out later not only was she seeing this other guy but that he was married..this told to me by her own brother of course.and she got into a big fight with her ex after a year of not seeing each other.well guys i would gladly hear any advice you have to give...i welcome it all

[anu1560]

According to me it takes two people to make or break a relationship. Always. It may not be 50/50 propotion. Unless offcourse there are infidelity and some form of abuse in the relationship.

 

So no. It doesn't sound like it was all your fault. It is never right for your GF to compare her past BF with you. THATS NO FAIR. Print it in your mind. Just because she was 'The Matured woman' in her last relationship, doesn't mean she has been the most matured in this one. And her comparing you with her past relationship itself proves that she has been really immature. And she knows this is your first relationship. so she thinks she has a higher authority in relationship matters, which is wrong.

 

But yes, you sounded like a desperate guy who would do everything and anything to keep his girl happy. Sometimes you do need to sit back and let the other person do the work. Too much sweet makes people want to eat salty. Human nature. But looks like your too much 'good work' made your GF take you for granted.

 

Don't contact her anymore. Do a NO CONTACT. If she really understands your worth she will come back. If not, she is not worth it.

[resilient7]

i was that desperate guy..looking back i hate myself so much for acting the way i did,especially after the break up..i definitely nailed the coffin shut with all my pleading..strange thing is i never acted that way towards anybody,sure wish she could of believed me when i told her that the last time we spoke,not because i wanted her back but so i wouldnt feel like such a pathetic loser.

i honestly did all that to show her what i felt for her but no thinking that she would take me back..it weird looking back i really didnt want her back that much cause all we ever did was fight and i often wanted to end things but since i never had a gf and thought since it took me 23years to find someone maybe it will take another 23.

thank you though for your words.i have a bit of thinking to do now

[VrySnky]

It's obviously not ONLY your fault if she was seeing someone else AND trying to belittle you by comparing you to the first BF. Setting aside the fact that she is (very) young; just look at my sig... IF it was love and meant something to her, she would have fought and still would fight for it, WITH you. If she realizes that while you DON'T contact her, then maybe she'll return and it can happen, but if she moves on without you, and you without her, just be glad she did it already so you have plenty of time to move on and find one of the ones that will fight with you...

[rigguy]

hey canedo, don't hate/blame yourself for how you acted, people do crazy s**t post a profound event such as break up with SO that unquestionably will hit self esteem hard. Many of us did the same, I think it is close to unavoidable unless you have been through such situation in the past. You made a mistake, live and learn. Even if you had the best advice in the world, unfortunately when it comes to breaking up, often people cannot learn from mistakes of others. You did what you thought was best at the time, whatever you did your ex allowed you to do that and that speaks volumes. Work on forgiving yourself, in time everything else will fall into place, been there. Hope clarity will come to you soon, Riggy

[resilient7]

thanks snky, your right though,she would have stuck by me if she felt at least something for me,face value huh.hopefully i will be able to find that ''fighter''lol