VrySnky

Man I have a lot to talk to you about; I mean it HAS been a while since we've talked, and though I rarely miss you, when I do, I DO! I really have learned a lot from all the awesome websites and books I've been checking out lately... a lot about getting over you, a lot about how a relationship "should" go, and A LOT about the stupid mistakes we made and how to deal with them and correct them instead of fighting about the same sh!t all the time. Anyway, the bad part is that I want so bad to show and tell and teach you these things and how to make yourself happy, and how we could be happy BUT I'm afraid that you will take what you learn and use it with "him" instead of with me... What to do, what to do??? Oh, and thanks for all the recent pictures of the dog...

I hope you realize your mistake of leaving before I figure out it is my mistake to think WE can work...

Wanting to talk to you is HELL... But it's still better than the many multi-page letters, e-mails, and cards that you didn't respond to... or when you did, it was "thanks, that's sweet... ok, bye" Why in the didn't I do this a long time ago... I could be better by now. I guess I just couldnt wrap my head around it because I was wanting what you WERE and what we had, not what you are now...

I saw a rainbow today and of course though of you; I hate rainbows! Then I thought about why it was there... a large sudden rain had come and then the sun was out shortly after. Then I thought about you again and how you might have rained on me, but the sun will come out again and there will be another bigger, more beautiful rainbow... I can't wait to meet her. I LOVE RAINBOWS!!! Thanks =-]

Just a note to you since you waited exactly 23 hours and 58 minutes after i asked you not to contact me to text... not even one day. "Call me please, it's about the dog???" is what you put, but it really wasn't, when I called, it was of course to make me feel guilty about not letting him stay at my house while we're at work...THANKS! So I wrote you a note and now I'm putting it on here instead of sending it, but I cant get over the fact that I should, but as the advice goes, "wait til tomorrow, if it still needs to be said, you can always send it then" There are a million things I want to say and have wanted to say. I know you don’t want to hear them from me, but perhaps if Mrs. Berta or Mrs. Faye said them it would have meaning to you, or at least you would listen. I know you don’t want to hear anything from me; in fact you don’t want to hear it at all, but especially not from me… Right now you just want to jump over the fence and roll around in that greener grass, which, though painful, is understandable and I will keep most of my feelings to myself. The problem with that is that you keep looking for the infatuation and new love feeling, which we all can agree, is wonderful. What you refuse to believe and don’t want to hear is that, in time, that will always wear off and no matter what; there is work that will have to be done. Obviously, I’m not worth the work, and I finally see how little I mean, just based on the fact that you made a conscious decision to get rid of me, more than once. Not that it’s easy for you, if you say it isn’t I respect you enough to believe you, even if it looks easy form the outside; I guess that’s always how it is. The thing is, this was your decision, and even though it took me a LONG time, I finally decided to honor your decision to not put myself in your life…talk about something HARD to do. You don’t want me, you just need me, and NOT in the way I should be needed. I know I’ll make it harder for you to do your own thing so now I must get out of your way until we can be friends or something more, but we cant now, since you decided I’m not The One. Obviously I am totally undermining my own request by sending this but I want you to know that, no matter what I’ve said about other people and what you're doing… the fact is that I now KNOW why we cant work at this point and all of the sweet cards and gestures, while relieving and heartfelt, actually do more to push you away, and make me look weak, less attractive, and less compatible for the future. Perhaps, one day, with the combination of me being able to stand on my own two feet without you, and you seeing the world and the people in it, you can see what is real and that I am it. If not, perhaps I’ll have gotten well beyond you and we’ll both be happy… but none of that can happen until you see that your decision was the wrong one, if that is the case, but only time will tell that. No one will/can love you like me, but if you don’t want it, I can’t make you and I know that, so now I have to do something about it… for both of us.