"Good relationships require hard work"

[dragon lady]

I always hear this. What does it mean exactly? What kind of work?

 

What if both people in the relationship are happy and it feels effortless? Are they doing it wrong?

[Adorei]

I always hear this. What does it mean exactly? What kind of work?

 

What if both people in the relationship are happy and it feels effortless? Are they doing it wrong?

 

Nope. My marriage feels effortless now, but it took awhile to get to this point. There have been instances where people are happy from the get-go and it doesn't take much work for them. Every relationship is different.

[Day_Walker]

I think that statement is very general, and I think that in a general way relationships do take hard work because it is a constant interaction between two people. I think that the more accustomed people are to their partners then the easier it becomes over time.

[sunshine1]

It might seem effortless - and thats a good thing!- but there is a lot of work that goes into a good relationship. Patience, trust, communication, listening to the other person, giving advice/support, understanding, amongst many other things. I think when people say its hard work they just mean you can't expect to never fight and to not put in any effort and still have a good relationship. You need to invest time into a serious relationship.

[lana111]

i agree with sunshine, a realtionship that feels effortless is great, but in fact, each party is putting in a lot of effort.

 

its just that they enjoy doing so, so it doesnt feel like they are doing anything.

[dragon lady]

i agree with sunshine, a realtionship that feels effortless is great, but in fact, each party is putting in a lot of effort.

 

its just that they enjoy doing so, so it doesnt feel like they are doing anything.

 

 

Okay, here we go. The way people phrase it you'd think it was so hard and painful for them that I question why they even bother.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Every relationship goes through trials. It is usually quite effortless at the start, as the motivation to get along is fresh. Later in, two compatible people are still prone to falling out, impasses and feelings of disconnect that require patience and strength. Long term relationships are hard work. New relationships shouldn't be. If they are, the people usually aren't compatible

[lana111]

hahah no dragon lady! i mean.... hmm... how do i put this in words.

 

its nice when people do thoughtful things for their SO, right? well for some, being thoughtful might come quite naturally. im shopping, i see that X you were talking about. i buy it for you. i know that you are having a bad day at work, so i do something extra nice for you when you get home and pamper you.

 

natural for one person, something quite planned for another. instead of just doing it naturally, a person might have to say... gee, im really grateful for my SO, maybe i should try to do something nice today. maybe even thinking/remembering to do something nice takes effort.

 

does that make any sense?

 

even better, take me and my ex. i do acts of love/service ALL the time. he, in his heart, felt enough love to do such things, but just wasnt good at doing it. so for him, it was something hard for him to do. not that he didnt want to, or i was chore, it just wasnt natural for him like it was for me.

[Hermes]

Exactly IPH.

 

Every relationship goes through trials. It is usually quite effortless at the start, as the motivation to get along is fresh. Later in, two compatible people are still prone to falling out, impasses and feelings of disconnect that require patience and strength. Long term relationships are hard work. New relationships shouldn't be. If they are, the people usually aren't compatible

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