Boyfriend Just broke up with me..

[Ambermills56]

My boyfriend of 8 months just broke up with me about 20 minutes ago and I am in tears. I don't know what to do, but I really want him back. I understand, from past relationships, that distance is the only thing that could bring him back.. and begging wil only drive him away.

 

This past week me and my boyfriend had a lot of fights because he works a lot, and last night i kept yelling at him, I yelled and yelled and he told me we can talk about it tomorrow night. For the past few weeks he has been working so much i've felt that he has no time for me,and due to past relationships that have been hurtful, ive become clingy and obsessive. and now with this guy, ive been paranoid and clingy even though i have no reason to be. I;ve been needy and he realizes it and im wiling to change my ways, but I dont want to beg for him back. He told me he's giving up because the relationship is like a roller coaster and he knows it won't work out, and he's tired of convincing himself it will. He told me we have nothing in common, and that this hasn't occurred to him since this past week. BUT he said he still loves me..! So i don't know what to do. He told me he knows he wont change (like working less and stuff), and that it wont work. Im so hurt i cant even think straight... i dont knwo what to do.. will time bring him back?>

[Someday_Soon]

I had this problem once, I was in school working on my degree and had so much material to study I literally couldn't go out on weekends. She said I didn't have enough time for her but there was nothing I could do about it. It depends on his financial situation if time will bring him back or not. Right now people are fortunate just to have a job. Try not to yell at your next boyfriend but just be direct and serious. Yelling has killed many relationships.

[pumpkinmoon]

I am sorry.

 

Best bet for you is to leave him alone. Time may or may not bring him back. You just never know with these things.

 

In the meantime work on yourself and let yourself heal.

[faithful14]

I know your hurting right now, but make sure to take care of yourself- try to sleep early, eat healthy, exercise, and spend time with family and friends.

 

He may come back or he may not. Nobody can know for sure. The only thing you can do now is just give him space and let him think things over in his mind. Maybe in a couple months, he might feel differently after he sees how absent you are in his life. So go into No Contact and try to move on. If it's meant to be, things will work out.

[Harper314]

You have to realize that your "clinginess" might just be expressed in the wrong way. I believe that it might be your personally needing him to commit more time to the relationship which he has not due to his work schedule. But I do not know you so well so maybe you should get your behavior in check to see if your at all in the wrong. A relationship is a two way street so analyze what you did wrong.

 

It is obvious he has not made enough time for you two to grow closer. The arguments have not presented much of an incentive to fix the situation. Wether this is because he is too preoccupied with work or he has lost interest. Maybe he feels that the relationship has become work which sometimes calls for a break. Most people do not decide to take break up it is usually something that has built up over time.

 

I do believe it is possible for people to get back together as I have done. The first thing to do right now is take the break up for what it is and do not contact him. Shut off your phone for a while and refrain from being around anything that reminds you of him. Better yet since you are broken up put everything and anything you have of his or that reminds you of him in a box and set it somewhere thats hard to reach. Delete his number and picture from your phone. I'm sure you won't forget the number anytime soon, and the picture will only hurt more then it will be worth to keep 'em. Out of sight out of mind its not much since he dropped the bomb very recently but it will help even if just a bit.

 

Right now you should do what comes naturally and let your emotions go rather then holding them in. You know how people say you'll feel better after a good cry well its true. In the time to follow try to be more proactive to keep your mind off of the situation. Exercise, reading, outdoor activities, anything that will get your body moving and out of the house or whatever that you enjoy spending your time doing. But be open to other things too such as calling up friends. The next week will be the hardest so try to take it easy and do not do anything too strenuous.

[Jessie00]

don't contact him!!! he's expecting you to, so just leave it be for now. i guarantee you that if you don't msg/call/email him, he will contact you wondering WHY you havent contacted him.

 

also, make sure to create a good support network of friends and family!!! always keep busy and be around other people, even if it means sitting in a book store or coffee shop so you're around others. just dont be sitting at home alone and sad!!

[Ambermills56]

Yeah I know, half of it is MY FAULT. For being clingy and getting mad over dumb things, but i also feel like he isn't giving me enough love lately and attention which has caused me to become clingy like i am.

 

I don't know what to do, but right now im extremely tempted to contact him.. like i cant wait. i just want to apologize and tell him ill change my ways.. i dont want him to move away from me. i want him to keep trying..

he said he still loves me.. why did he go though.

[Ambermills56]

he also told me,

"and im not breaking up with you because i cheated on you, or am talking to someone else"

 

that kinda made methink.. what if he IS doing that.. and covering up for it? I know he woudnt do tha.t. but stil..

[sidehop]

I think he's being honest. You basically pushed him away.

 

The more you contact him, the more he will pull away. As hard as it is, I would take a step back and let it cool down. It won't take you anywhere if you beg and plead.

[FathomFear]

It's likely something you need to work on, or this will continue to happen in your relationships. Being clingy/obsessive is a receipe for disaster and will inevitably drive people away.

[hellohello1]

sweetie, i had the same thing happen to me..now after being broken up for a month i have a much clearer view and can reflect on what happened with me and the ex (dated for 2.5 years) - the past couple of months i could feel him pulling away so i would cling for fear of what i could not control..i thought it would make him more wanting to show me more affection like he used to, and all it did was scare him away. please learn from my mistakes and do not contact him. for the first 2 weeks of the break up i did contact him every few days, tried to tell him i changed, all of this stuff. TRUTH is i hadnt changed.

 

not that im fully changed, or even partially, but i acknowledge what happened. i got anxiety over having no control..when people get clingy it is because they are not in control and they fear not having control. what did ur bf do?? first he put up with it and then he resisted it and then fleed. he is fleeing from you right now. you will only make him flee more by talking to him. the past 2 weeks i have not initiated any contact and he has reached out to me, as he is no longer being pushed away. regardless of the outcome, now is to focus on you. this is a wakeup call that whether you end up with him, someone else, or no one, you will beokay, and you need to work on your codependency issues - google it.

 

everythign will be okay. please learn from my mistakes..i know how tough it is..please dont call him, or contact him. trust me, he will be wondering why you havent..talking to him will only make him feel like he made the right decision.

[unknown100]

Based on the statements you said about what he said, he may be doing you a favor. Give it some time - at first it always feels like you can't do it. Stick with your gut - the one that is deeper than your outer gut - the one we ignore.

 

I took my ex back so many times, and very quickly after the begging, sorry's, and I can't live without yous and I love yous. Just prior to the I want you backs, were the "we have nothing in common," "I don't make you happy," "I like who I am and I am not going to change." Yada Yada

 

So moral of the story - I should have given it more time before we got back together each of those times. Should have tried the separation on for size. The final time we broke up, a few days later he officially asked me back, I sat on it for no more than a week (checking in daily), and he lost his patience, changed his mind, and went NC. A jerk he was. But, thank god - he was so much worse than I thought (learned later).

 

Give it some time. If you are absolutely sure you want him back in a few weeks, then contact him. But, you will not give yourself a chance to realize what the right thing to do is if you act now out of the feelings we all go through at the time of the breakup.

[Ambermills56]

I understand what you're all saying. I'm extremely hurt. I can't sleep, and last night our memories hit me, like our first kiss: it was honestly like torture.

 

I feel so angry at myself for grabbing on to him so tightly. I just want to tell him I will change and that I will make it all different. It's really bothering me how this is so easy for him to quit. I really want to know how to get him back. How long do I ignore him for?

[Ambermills56]

I dont know if it's my fault if i should be more understanding with his work schedule.. which means everyday and 12 hours, but he told me once a week we can do something : to me that tells me i dont love u enough to see you more.. maybe i shouldnt be assuming and im just being paranoid... But I feel he should change that... I wonder how much time he needs, or how long it will be for him to miss me.

[baxxter]

Read this. It helped me hell of a lot.

Seriously. Just read this;