Reconnecting online with ex-bf, 6 years later

[AnneFrank123]

Hi everybody,

 

I had posted this about 3 months back under another category but I think cyber-relationships is probably more appropriate, so I here I go again, with some new updates :

 

My ex-bf contacted me around Valentines Day and and since then we have been talking consistently for about an hour, almost everyday, every week for 4months now: Where are we headed?

 

Here is a little background on our story:

 

Dating and Break-Up:

Before we started dating in high school, we were best friends for a year. We dated for nine months and then he broke up with me. That was six years ago. The breakup was not messy but emotionally draining. For both of us, it was our first love.

 

Post-Break up to Present: 6 years!

During the first half of the 6 these years, we have had exactly one phone conversation, and 2-3 IM conversations (all initiated by me and all pleasant but formal). But there has been nothing for the past 2 years.

Also, in these years, he has had a long term (3yrs) relationship with another girl -- they broke up sometime in the Fall of 09 and he has another crush that didnt work out etc. He is now single.

And I have had a couple of short term relationships but now I am single.

 

Reconnecting:

In February, I signed onto an IM service that I had not used in years. He was friends with me on that IM service and withing a minute of me signing on, he messaged me!

We talked for an hour that day, and then another hour the next day, and since then we have had conversation, 45-60mins long, almost everyday for the more than 4 months now. The conversations have been friendly and polite. General catching up type. But he has asked me about my love life, marriage plans and long term plans ( we are not in the same country right now).

There havent been any specific references to our relationship, all though we have talked about the past in terms of common friends, school memories etc.

 

Over the past few months, we have also come closer, we are more comfortable with each other now and he opens to me a lot more. Overall, better friends.

 

Also, my family is now working with him and they love his work and will also be working with him on some more projects. A lot of our conversations are about those projects.

 

Question:

Basically, I don't know what to make of this. But Id like to know what other people think. Is it just curiosity on his part? Does he want me back? Does he want to be friends with me?

 

As for me, I am single. I still love him but I am also over him (have been dating others) & have an active eharmony profile

I am asking this because Id love to have him back as a boyfriend so I want him to know I still care, but if he is just looking for friendship I don't want to drive him away because I am OK having him as just a friend.

Tell me what you guys think.

 

Look forward to hearing from you all.

 

Thanks.

[pumpkinmoon]

Have you had any signs that he is interested in a romantic way?

 

Does he have any plans to move back to your country?

[savignon]

Has he ever suggested getting together? Have you seen each other since you reconnected or just emails? Do you have plans to see each other? Those details would be helpful in figuring out if he's possibly interested.

[AnneFrank123]

Thanks for the quick responses!

 

Ill answer each of your questions:

 

Have you had any signs that he is interested in a romantic way?

I wish I had the answer to that! Also, I dont trust my own judgement here because I am obviously biased and interpreting signs is ultimately an imperfect science.

Having said that, I must also add that he has not said anything that I could definitely interpret as a sign that he is interesting. For example, there is no obvious flirting, no "I-miss-you-please-come-back" etc. But then again, he was never the kind of guy to do things like that.

I remember even in school, the days just before we he officially asked me out -- there was never any flirting, in that adult sort of way. We would talk for hours together, and one day, he just asked me if I wanted to be with him

 

Does he have any plans to move back to your country?

Well, he is still in our home country. I am the one who is here in the US. And I totally plan to eventually settle in my home-country, all though the next 2-3 yrs is a little uncertain and would depend on where i get a job. I am currently finishing grad school and as you know, this is a bad time to graduate. So, its not like I will have a lot of choices. All though, if I get a good job back home, i will take the next flight out

 

Has he ever suggested getting together?

No, not in the romantic, lets-get-married, sorta way. IN fact, we havent even spoken much about our past-relationship. Maybe once or twice, we have hinted at it. But we havent talked about in details. Never said things like, "oh we had a good time together" or "I remember doing this and that with you". None of that has been said from either side.

We have all though spoken about his other exes (esp. the one with whom he had a 3 yr long relationship), and his recent failed crush. But nothing about us.

 

Have you seen each other since you reconnected or just emails

No. We live on opposites of the globe We just IM everyday.

 

Do you have plans to see each other?

I will definitely see him when I am back home (either home for good, or home for vacation)-- and should not be more than a few months from now. Basically, it depends on when and where i get a job.

 

So, what do you guys think?

 

Waiting for your replies!

 

Thanks a lot.

[resilient7]

its really nice that you two were able to reconnect once again,wouldnt read much into it though.he could be getting over his previous love using you (not on purpose of course).you sound like a very intelligent woman and deserve the love and attention from someone else,even if that means waiting till you go back to your country..best wishes

[AnneFrank123]

Thank you for your kind words, canedo.

 

I think right now we are just focused on getting to know each other better and being good friends.

 

Lets see how it works out.