keith515 Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I KNOW I over analyze when I have a break up and this one is no different. BUT, I also remember that in two break ups, I didn't cry about till many months later. This time will be different. I think I over analyze (here I go again to AVOID the pain. I spend so much time thinking about how bad of a person she is or was to make the break up feel less painful. But the truth is this was one girl who I TRULY fell for. I truly had deep admiration and affection for her. While I was apprehensive in the beginning to pursuer her (I even said why should I pursue something that may cause me pain) I eventually let my guard down and fell in love. I loved our time together, our talks and the sex. I loved the way she smiled and laughed. She was just so pleasant to be around and I never could think of a better word than pleasant. While she gave me many conflicting and seemingly petty reasons why she broke up, the bottom line is she didn't feel the same way and felt she had to end it. That sucks and there's nothing I can do about it. It hurts but I need to feel the pain so I get past this. I rented Magnolia and plan on doing some drinking to trigger a good cry. That's what I used to do when I had broken up with my ex 8 months later. All day I was in a good mood at work and then I would drink and watch certain scenes of Magnolia and cry every night. Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I think I over analyze (here I go again to AVOID the pain. I don't think so. I think people overanalyze to understand the pain and the reasons behind it, not avoid it. But the truth is, you're never going to have all the answers, so you could analyze all you want and never come up with an answer for some of these things. Analyze the things you know for a fact, and not what you think she thought. If she didn't feel the same way about you anymore, you can analyze a hole in the sky before you understand what she was thinking. Maybe it had nothing to do with you at all. Link to comment
keith515 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Share Posted June 24, 2010 I don't think so. I think people overanalyze to understand the pain and the reasons behind it, not avoid it. But the truth is, you're never going to have all the answers, so you could analyze all you want and never come up with an answer for some of these things. Analyze the things you know for a fact, and not what you think she thought. If she didn't feel the same way about you anymore, you can analyze a hole in the sky before you understand what she was thinking. Maybe it had nothing to do with you at all. The thing is I don't know what is a fact or not. She even contradicted her own reasons for breaking up and even admitted it was a contradiction but didn't say anything to explain the contradiction. You are right. Maybe it had nothing to do with me but I don't know. One thing I know FOR SURE is she didn't want to be with me. It doesn't matter if she had a bad childhood, a bad marriage or has a chemical imbalance. The BOTTOM LINE is she DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME. I'm not yelling at you Seymore, I'm yelling at myself. To accept the fact she doesn't want to be with me and there is nothing I can do about it. This article I found is something I need to look at more often: link removed The best paragraphs for me are: Or another possibility is that this person does recognize your value and how great you are but they are not in a place where they can be in a relationship. Maybe they’re not over their previous relationship. Maybe their life choices (home, job, school) are up in the air. Maybe it’s not about you in any way. It still hurts but this is something you can’t change. Even if you think that if the shoe was on the other foot YOU wouldn’t let such a catch get away, it doesn’t work that way for everyone. Some people simply can’t get there from here. Let them be. It’s not the right time and there is nothing you can do about it. Gently let it go. It’s hard and it hurts but gently let it go. The bottom line is that you do not want someone who does not want you. That hurts and that stings. And that is not what love is all about. Don’t sit around waiting for this person to want you. Reject anyone who doesn’t want you. They are not worth it. The first prerequisite for love is to be mutual. Otherwise it’s not okay. Reject the rejecter. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I think I over analyze (here I go again to AVOID the pain. I get where you're coming from, Keith. Sometimes analyzing can provide for a temporary emotional detachment. Busy making a science project out of emotions, is the best way I can put it. Link to comment
shrinkisdead Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 You are right, I am in the same spot. It's time to just hurt. They just didn't feel the same, we were wrong. However, analyzing is not always a bad thing. Just make sure you walk the line carefully. Don't fall to the other side of ignoring the root causes of why. Link to comment
keith515 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Share Posted June 24, 2010 You are right, I am in the same spot. It's time to just hurt. They just didn't feel the same, we were wrong. However, analyzing is not always a bad thing. Just make sure you walk the line carefully. Don't fall to the other side of ignoring the root causes of why. Her friend told me that she might have even broken up with me because she didn't feel good about her body (she gained 10 lbs. in 3 months). It might have also been because she recently got divorced or because she broke up with her BF who she was planning on marrying. There are so many other factors other than the reasons she told me. It doesn't matter anymore. She may not even know herself. One thing I know for sure is she didn't want to be with me and that's what I need to feel and will get over it, eventually. Link to comment
shrinkisdead Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 Her friend told me that she might have even broken up with me because she didn't feel good about her body (she gained 10 lbs. in 3 months). It might have also been because she recently got divorced or because she broke up with her BF who she was planning on marrying. There are so many other factors other than the reasons she told me. It doesn't matter anymore. She may not even know herself. One thing I know for sure is she didn't want to be with me and that's what I need to feel and will get over it, eventually. True, I posted that mine had told me the reason she broke up with me last night. It's life, you move on. Find someone better if they exist, if they don't...be happy anyways Link to comment
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