Updates 5 mos after rekindling

[VeraLynn]

Sad news (or good news, depends how you look at it).. We didn't make it and ended up parting ways. Last time around, I was the dumpee and completely miserable, but when I started feeling good again is when he came around and I gave it a go.

 

The last five months were miserable-- sure, we had our good moments, we talked about marriage, but it all fizzled out. He returned to his old ways, partying, neglect, treating me like garbage, and ultimately trying to get me to leave him. I was naive and thought it could work until my Grandmother passed away and he was too busy with his friends to spend any time with me-- so we brought it up and mutually decided to split. He instantly removed me off of everything and we haven't talked since. I'm doing NC, not to get him back, but because I literally want nothing to do with him.

 

I no longer see him as a prize or a catch and I feel like he was the one who really lost out on a special person-- drastically different from last time around! I am still sad and cry sometimes, but not because he's gone, just because the chapter is closed and didn't work out. It's still emotionally draining, but I can for the first time in three years say that I'm ready to find someone new-- and whats broken should stay broken!

 

Also, the idea of him with another person doesn't remotely phase me, I now have the mentality "as long as its not me, it's not my concern." I'm more motivated to improve my life than ever, it's exciting and liberating!

 

Onwards and upwards!

[wildestkabs]

VeraLynn,

 

I am sorry to hear that, though glad to know that you are a much stronger person now. I am sure you will do well in life and find that one man who will leave everything for you in a heartbeat!

 

Lots of hugs from a fellow Arizonan!!

[OneBrightStar]

VeraLynn,

 

I wish I felt the same about my ex! It's the 2nd break-up for me and I still can't believe it's over. The thought of him with another woman still bothers me and I still want him to be the one I end up with in life. I envy you right now.

[kelly155]

VeraLynn, I'm glad you got to experience that second chance to know for yourself that he wasn't the one for you. Sometimes, it takes just that to force us to really move on with our lives. I'm proud that you are leaving with your head held high! I hope you end up finding that special someone one day! Good Luck and thanks for updating us!

[pumpkinmoon]

What a great post. I feel the same way as you in some ways.

 

I am very sorry to hear about your grandmother, but if he wasn't around for you when that happened then you are well rid of him and I can understand why you are not really that upset because he has gone.

[moving]

I now have the mentality "as long as its not me, it's not my concern."

 

After a year of agonizing over what it'd be like when my ex met someone new, I've finally reached this feeling this week. Incredibly liberating and relief-inducing.

[1guygirl]

thank you for coming back to share Vera, your post gives alot of perspective on reconcilliation....sometimes it is the shake up people need to start treating us right, but in your case old habits crept back in and you did right to call it quits for good, because we all should be a priority (even alongside other children) in our partners life and we deserve to be cherished and not neglected.

 

im on a 'break' after reconciling with ex, and i when i went to his i quickly felt i was next in line after a website he spent hours and hours on, me going to bed alone, no intimacy, its lonely and im wondering if i will post the same as you in a few weeks ??

 

that ex of yours DID loose out on someone special, and down the line i think he will regret it. but thats his bag now....you tried, he failed, NO DEAL

 

now its time to get out and explore them other possibilities waiting for you...

[Lastchallenge]

At least u got a second chance I didn't get one chance at all

[VeraLynn]

At least u got a second chance I didn't get one chance at all

 

I spent five months wasting my time and feeling miserable. I bent over backwards, lost myself, cried, and spent endless nights alone. I wouldn't call it a second chance, more of a relapse. Trust me, I did everything possible in his favor and at the end was told he never loved me and used me for loneliness-- don't wish for a "second chance!"

[CatsMeeoow]

I spent five months wasting my time and feeling miserable. I bent over backwards, lost myself, cried, and spent endless nights alone. I wouldn't call it a second chance, more of a relapse. Trust me, I did everything possible in his favor and at the end was told he never loved me and used me for loneliness-- don't wish for a "second chance!"

 

I think you need to realize how different your perspective is now because you had the chance to try again.

 

If this had never happened you might still be vacillating between wishing to move on and wishing for another try.

 

By revisiting what you thought you had you were able to recognize how much its not for you... did you see that clearly when it ended the first time? I'm thinking you that you didn't.

 

Don't think of the second chance as time wasted. You, with a more mature and clear head could see things as they really were and you starting making choices about what it is that you need from a relationship and taking the first steps in getting that.

 

I guarantee you that you will be so much stronger in next relationship for the very things you gained from trying a second time.

 

Glad you are feeling so good now!

[FootofGod]

I'm starting to think... that if my ex ever wants to be with me, I'm going to make her be alone first, especially because I'll know she's coming right out of another relationship (left me to pursue another, etc) and I won't bend over backwards, be a loneliness post, or lose myself. I'm to the point now, and get more there reading posts like this, where if I don't get an honest chance to get a fresh start and do it right, I don't want anything, no consolation prizes, no short reunion, nothing. I'm playing for keeps.

 

If it doesn't work out and she wants back, I'm thinking I'm going to tell her we both need to be single for a month and keep in light contact - I won't date anyone during that time, but if she changes her mind, so long, because the point of the month is for her to find herself and love herself so she doesn't come back a wreck. As much as I'd love to help her, I think she's become too dependent on others to provide her with happiness and she needs to learn some lessons alone, and I need her to come right out the gates showing me she is willing to work on that.

[1guygirl]

i agree with this...if you didnt have this second chance, you would waste much more time idealizing and romantizing the relationship instead of being able to see it wasnt all cookies and milk