yet again! but worse!

[Leon91]

well well well...

 

were on earth do i start here?

i can bet a number of users will recognise my name and will even know whats happened before.

 

but in summary:

together 5 years

4 perfect years , 1 year of constant ups and downs together and nots

 

but recently things get ALOT worse!

 

going back a month now, me and her had an argument - which she blew up and said she wanted to go..fine..

but then after saying to drop our daughter to her parents three days later

an hour after, i have armed police and regular police and the social services arrive at my door to take my daughter!?!

 

now, the police didnt really see any need to remove her as she was clearly happy and healthy!

but the social being the social said thats what was happening!

so off they went! left me in a state i had never felt!

how can somebody mess around thier own child - and the father for that matter??

 

but luckily she remained in contact and we ended up back to square one..

just this time i was not to see my daughter as i am " a danger "

eventually after two weeks of ignoring this rule by the social services

she comes back up, with our daughter.. things go great were ( by we i mean me ) are back in love? and going ok!

social obviously catch wind that she is back up and they come for a meeting

they basically say they are happy things are going well and want a meeting set up asap to discuss the safety and best future of my daughter... ok i think, me and T are doing ok, i guess were sticking this as a family now...

 

well confrence comes, ( by the way, the two weeks in between meet and confrence have gone perfectly! )

 

myself,my ex, my mother, my step father, her mother, her father

social services, police, health visitor & chairman and my solicitor...

all sit around a table with what i thought, a goal to get my family back on track.. ohh no, not at all it turns out!

 

i have every "criminal offence" i have commited thrown at me,

and im going back to when i was 12 and had a scrap with a brother which ended in my front door geting smashed, hardly a murder isit?!

and that im clearly a violent and controling?

uhm hang on, i was 12, and if im controling why does she return?

in the end even she turns and says she would rather leave until im better?!

 

so after being slagged off by everyone there for 3 hours they rule that:

i am a danger to my daughter and am to be kept away

( may i add now: i have brought my daughter up since the get go, shes is on weight, healthy and very happy and smiley! and they even admit that im a good father - contradiction much here? )

 

so they take my ex to the female loos so i cant get near her!

( this is pathetic by now )

 

drive me to my nans house whom is looking after my daughter during the meeting and i have to hand her over my daughter..

now, in the meen time my ex has apparently broken down in the loos saying she loves me and wants me to be together etc

 

so silly me gets a smile on his face thinking she will be in contact soon and everything will be ok?.. nope

 

its now been 5 days, ( not long i know but, we have a child )

her phone has remained off from that meeting and she hasnt gone on FB or even online. nothing.. dissapeared essentially!

 

i keep checking my phone to see if hers is back on.. which is a no!

its just gone fathers day and last time i saw my daughter she was ill with a cold and bug, it would be nice to know she is ok again?

but she obviously dosnt care and isnt interested in me or what i do or where i am or being with me... else she would have been in touch. or at least made it possible for me to contact her?

 

wel 2nd july we have another confrence, to slag me off i guess?

but if i havent heared from her by then, then i will be furious! but she seems to hold all the aces here!

 

i wanna move on! i cant

i wanna stop checking on her .. i cant

 

 

just stuck in a rut now and a lonely one at that !

stressed hurt lonely and upset

 

what do i do

[Gullible]

Get 2 solicitors and pay them whatever you can afford. Then borrow some money so you can afford a little more. Appeal all decisions. Talk to your lawyers again. Try to get full custody of the child. Then talk to your solicitors again. Give her nothing, ask for everything. Call another lawyer and get more advice. Use every single option available to you. And anything she wants to say, she can tell it to your legal representation.

 

Stop talking to her. She has taken your child from you. It is war, and your child's well-being is at stake. Your child doesn't need to be with that hateful and insane person. It is up to you to look after the child from now on, but first you have to get legal custody. After you win this disgusting game that SHE started, then you can afford to be polite to her, if you choose.

 

But after you get custody of your daughter, I would recommend relocating to another country in which Nanny State and Big Brother can't steal your children from you so easily.

[Leon91]

as it stands we have a custody hearing in court on the 12th

but im terrified now that the social have claimed im a risk that the court will just stick with that?!

 

it really would be better for me to have full custody, as i would never actually stop my ex having contact, unlike she does!

 

your right, its war, i have lost battles but i hope to come out on top!

considering shes just 18, shes very very bitter and twisted

[Ebrithil]

My first peace of advise would not to get upset, being lonley, stressed and angry with no way to release the tension can cause outbursts that dont look to good on you, I know diffrent situation, didnt do me any favours what so ever.

The second thing to do would be to sit down and think about all of the things they are critisising you about and come up with what you have done and are planing on doing to make up for them or to improve yourself, that way when they bring up the critisisum you can say calmly how you have overcome it and its not who you are now.

you could suggest to the social workers charictor references get some people you work with, friends or people that are around you a lot to show them your not a danger and that your only concern is for your childs well being, you had hoped to make things right with the other half but she keeps building your hopes and knocking you back down again.

If you are honest and show them the flaws in her arguments and how she has mistreated you and by extension your daughter things will work out for you.

[Gullible]

but im terrified now that the social have claimed im a risk that the court will just stick with that?!

 

 

They are incompetent fools, and they have power over your life. But there are always higher courts, and you will go to higher and higher courts until you find someone who hasn't got turds for brains.

 

And, again, it's not your job to defend yourself in court. There are people who are experts at that, and you pay those people to do it. Get the best ones, it doesn't matter what their fee is. Find the second and third best and pay them a consultation fee so your ex can't hire them while they're retained by you.

 

And start getting your life in better order. Anything that looks bad, get rid of it. Delete any compromising photos from your myspace or facebook. But, again, your lawyers need to tell you all of those important things to make your case the best it can be.

[DezzyDoll]

When you go to court offer to go to any kind of counseling they suggest, or even start counseling before hand with proof that you're attending and trying to do what's needed to see your daughter.

 

If she's ever used drugs, either around or away from your child, write it down. if you guys talk again and she threatens you (says she's going to take your daughter away from you, make you pay, just wants money or anything like that) document it, and if you can have someone listen who's willing to testify or write down that they heard it.

have friends/family write papers that have been notarized saying you love your child and want to be in her life and have never done anything to harm her.

if your ex has come to live with you, have whoever was also living with you at the time document that as well, saying she obviously didn't feel you were a threat if she was living with you (any judge will agree with that)

 

and whatever you do, DON'T GO BACK TO HER.

 

there comes a time when you gotta realize the other parent doesn't have your wishes or your child's wishes in their interests, and you have to let them go for the sake of your daughter.

[Gullible]

charictor references get some people you work with, friends or people that are around you a lot to show them your not a danger

 

 

Bring 50 people to court with you who will swear that you're a saint and that your ex is the devil. Don't bring any with visible tattoos. And if all your friends are chavs, make them wear a nice shirt and necktie. And if you don't have 50 friends, start making some.

 

And, again, don't take my advice. Get legal advice from qualified people. You need a bulldog in your corner.

 

ALSO, don't tell your ex ANYTHING. Don't tell her you're planning to take action against her in court. Don't let her prepare for it. Document or record any contact from her that makes her look bad.

[Leon91]

the social are incopentent.. they listen to every bad point about me, but didnt want to know my side of things at all.

 

last i heard from them is:

 

" are we going to be arranging contact for my daughter "

" well, we dont know, we want to speak with the mother first! "

" i know she isnt going to have an issue with me seeing my daughter "

" well we do. so you can just wait and we will inform you at the next meeting on what we intend to do "

 

so i have a solicitors appointment on the 28th, which i can not wait for, i need it now!

 

i will start counceling, and even a parenting class. just so i can give them all a middle finger of sorts!

its painful that after so many years, and bringing up a child, someone can just turn around and say.. no, were going, sorry bye!

and then have the guts to turn thier phone off and stop all contact

then if they see im doing well

( dont know how as she dosnt even check FB at the moment )

comes screaming back. you this, you that, your this your that! you said you loved me!!

 

but for some reason, i dont think she is going to do that this time?

dont know why, just dont though, i think shes gone so cold that she genuinly isnt coming back..

 

so the future at the moment:

 

28th june : solicitors - i need to know where i stand legaly! i have to see my child!

2nd july : confrence - were we will discuss what goes on with access

12 july : court - now, this is for full custody, but i cant see that going through with all this going on, so i imagine this is gonna be for access more than anything..

 

i dont have 50 friends, to be honest, i have 0.. we moved away from everyone and im left stranded now.... while she went back

 

she has never ever used drugs, nor myself, i dont even drink/smoke.

through the last confrence, she didnt once look at me. not once

the only words to leave her mouth were:

" to be honest, i would prefer to stay with my parents, until leon has changed dramaticaly and then choose were i want to be.."

 

thats coming from someone whom has lived in my houses, rent free bill free - 100% free

for the majority of 5 years!

how on earth is she scared of me if this is the case???

i know for a fact it was an influence that made her choose this ( her parents! )

 

but because she wouldnt stand up for me and us as a family we are now on a very long and hurtful road!

 

i feel so let down by her! she can be so naive to what the consequences can be.

 

now. get this. a little insight to whom she is as a person:

 

she will go weeks witout bathing - even so much as changing her underwear!

( its as though she forgets?! )

and god forbid i bring her up on this .. all hell breaks loose

" im gong home, **** you, your such a controlling **** "

 

now lets be frank here, if she can neglect herself like that, whos to say she wont to our daughter?

is this really a risk work taking - **** no it isnt, because thats MY daughter too

and i struggle to believe they fail to take this into account!

 

she dosnt wear makeup - at all ( i even meen to important meetings )

she wears my t shirts and her jeans 24/7!

 

i have ( day before she went )

taken her to town, paid for a cut and dye

paid for a tan new clothes

 

all so she can make a good impression on people!

but this is controlling?

im not ashamed of her , because i love her

but i just wish she could look from someone elses point of view

if she looks unwell, uncaring .. they might think this IS the case..

 

she would gladly sit in her little room at her parents, in a dressing gown all day long

watching tv. and that would be it, nothing more!

 

i miss the old her that would be up, showered,dressed.. on the phone and at mine!

the caring her, the interested her. what the hell happened?

 

another thing:

i have a large bedroom here, kingsize bed, and full size cot for our daughter

everything from the floorboards to carpets to lights to door & frame are new

i done it all within 2 days, as that what the social wanted, a suitable modern room for me and my daughter..done!

 

she has:

a box ( 9ft by 7ft ) room

with a tiny crib and single bed, and it is ALWAYS messy!

plus she has a dog! this dog actually goes for my daughter! this is terrifying!!!

 

everything a baby could need, is here.. ok most is there too but im sure my girl would be better off here!

T could visit everyday if she liked, i would never stop access! she is her mother afterall!

 

i just dont know how to cope.

im going crazy from missing them both! i cry too often, she has broken me over the last year!

 

my dream: to be happy ever after as a family!

reality: she dosnt care, im left caring and worried and sick and upset

she gets everything handed to her on a plate, while i have to fight an uphill battle!

 

unfair, unjust and wrong

[Leon91]

i just thought i would add this:

 

my ex knows how much it gets on my nerves and makes me panick and gets me very very upset when she switches her phone off and dissapears, she is more than likely doing this on purpouse to make me upset and pretty much make me so upset that i do not leave my house, which shes pretty much done!

shes admited before she liked hurting me. and is jelous

she always threatens that " my phone is going off now, so dont bother getting in touch "

and i just feeel so scared knowing that she knows how to hurt me! its so unfair

[Gullible]

Don't go to counseling unless your solicitor says to. If you go to counseling, then it seems that you're admitting that you NEED counseling.

 

Don't mention anything about how she dresses or that she doesn't wear makeup. Those issues don't have anything to do with raising a child, and they make you seem as if you want to control her appearance.

 

But bathing is important, as well as the living conditions in your house compared to her house.

[Leon91]

i can see your point.. but at the same time i know they will see it that im not working on issues they have put forward and will continue to stop contact..

 

when i talked about her dressing and makeup - i know it would sound controlling but its not

it was once, before a life changing meeting ( well life changing for me in the end )

i had let it go for nearly two years as there was just no point arguing and screaming over something she would not do!

but, for safety sake, i will leave that out...

 

the only down side to living conditions is this:

 

she, lives in her parents, now her parents are LOADED,

if she wanted a supercar, daddy would have it, on the drive that day!

they live in ( in the UK a four bed detatched is seen as wealth - although american homes always seem huge compared to ours ) 4 bed detatched

 

so with the fact that her house is big, they have mulitple cars and plenty of money

whereas, i have a two bed house with just one car and just average amounts of money

they look at me as though i can not provide as well as they can.

the living conditions have been raised before. and they said this in response:

 

leons home is in squalor ( i was renovating the whole house )

they are sharing a living room and doubling up as a bedroom

-- this was because of the renovation, with no upstairs floor, how do you expect me to have bedrooms yet.

 

but after they said this, i brought in a team of builders, paid through the nose and within a month the place was done. to an extremly high standard

 

they now say that they have no problem and the house is clean and up to standard and with suitable accomadation for my daughter

 

ie. cot, seats, high chair, toys etc etc..

 

but they insist that my exs partner is of a higher standard

but.. they have a dog. this is scary to me!!

 

anyway basically they have chosen to keep me away because:

 

me and my ex have a volitile relationship

we are constantly back and fro, together and not...

there is no stability in my daughters life

i could, emotionaly abuse my ex and my daughter...

so on the side of caution they said to stay away, or they would look to put her in care!

 

now, me and my ex argued, the same as any couple. but she would storm off home

thus causing more stress between us, nobody knew who was doing what where and why

and then she would come back. and repeat again

 

they have put all the blame on me instead of thinking well, he does look after his daughter

his daughter has lived in his house the majority of the time.

although they do argue, seperatley they can both look after there child 100%

 

so instead on saying:

you have contact so and so days..you have contact on the other days

 

they have just said.. no contact at all whatsoever or were taking her away!

T you have her at yours and you do not go back there, well you can, but not with your daughter!?

[Leon91]

i would do anything to see my daughter!

 

holding her little hand, kissing her forehead, telling her "daddy loves you nevaeh"

 

closing the car door of the social workers.. pretending to be happy around my daughter!

watching it drive away and collapsing into my mother.. since then, that memory haunts me!

 

i miss her i need her around i cant cope