Please help I am panicing

[8142]

My EX GF and I live in the same neighborhood and I can see her driveway from my place yet and so I can see that she is not home yet. She always comes home around 11 and it is now 1 am and i am freaking out becasue it is Saturday night and I am now imagining her out bumping and grinding or just flirting with some guy. I want to call her or text her asking her to give me a call.

 

WHat should i do? Please help I am seriouslly freaking out.

[jazzykat]

Are you still in a relationship with her?

[8142]

no we are broken up

[agent1607307371]

Then stop being crazy and go do something else. Listen to music, watch a movie, go to bed.

 

Fact is: she absolutely might be grinding on someone and it's none of your business. sucks, but stop actively making yourself miserable.

 

How long have you been broken up?

[Eclipse11]

She could be staying the night at a girlfriend's house...chill out, stop worrying! Try and do something else and forget it, you're imagining the very worst...Eclipse x

[Speranza]

If you couldn't see her driveway you wouldn't know. So pretend you can't. It's telling that you aren't worried about whether something's happened, just assuming she is 'being unfaithful' (except she isn't, you two aren't a couple).

 

Stop putting yourself through this. Go to bed.

[8142]

We broke up one month ago and have a house together and a 9 month old son.

[Speranza]

Then for the sake of your son get some sleep so you are fresh for the next time you see him. I'm sorry this is hurting so much but... it does.

 

Why did you split? Was there someone else?

[8142]

No, no one else. She broke it off becsaue I was more focused on family and she is younger and much more focused on volunteerism, socializing, and career. I would get pissed becasue I felt our lives were out of balance with all her extra-curricular activites and a newborn baby at home, plus we just had a house built three months ago.

[Ms Darcy]

No, no one else. She broke it off becsaue I was more focused on family and she is younger and much more focused on volunteerism, socializing, and career. I would get pissed becasue I felt our lives were out of balance with all her extra-curricular activites and a newborn baby at home, plus we just had a house built three months ago.

 

That and she said you were emotionally abusive right?

[8142]

Yea, thats correct. In som cases I would say that I was emotionally abusive. In the last couple of months I have tried to put an end to all forms of this behavior, but now I find that she is ver angry and resentful and now she is often emotionally abusive. I have been trying to stop hurting her as soon as I figured out the reality of what I was doing and, yea, I guess now that I see how mad she is, it feels like we went from looking to building a future togeterh to her instantly hating me and that make it more painful to think that the source is all these instances where I was emotionally abusive and certain instances where I wasn;t but she seems to view it all as maniplulative and abusive and I cant even argue it anymore becasue I know it won;t solve anything it just makes her angrier. I'm at the point where I just might leave her the house even though my name is on the mortgage becasue she says I am selfish and don;t givbe a damn about her and using the house as leverage to get her back. NOT TRUE.

[Ms Darcy]

Well, you are definitely in a tough situation. If you were emotionally abusive, then having this time apart may be a good thing for you both. At the same time, you don't deserve to be treated like crap. I would say at the very least get into some therapy and work on yourself. Emotional abuse might seem to "go away" when you are in panic mode, but most likely returns (if it returns) after the reconciliation and everything goes back to 'normal.'

 

Also, if I were you, I would consider this separation necessary time to decrease the amount of resentment that you feel towards each other right now. I can't advise you on the home ... you have to do what feels right to you there.

[8142]

Yes, thanks. I am in therapy and I am also reading every book I can get my hands out. Books from emotional abuse to Beyond Codependence. I do not want to make things worse or if we ever reconcile, to have the same relationship again.

 

FYI, she invited me to her families fathers day dinner tonight and I tried to be very gracious and humble. She said she was really happy to have me there and that I am a wonderful father and a pretty greay guy too. I thought I was dreaming.... After dinner I politely thanked them and excused myself.I didn;t want to completely wear out my welcome. We've been a part for a month and i do hope that the resentment is slightly waning and/or that she might be seeing a slight improvement in my person,