help asap!

[hellohello1]

ok so my ex boyfriend texted me a little while ago asking if i wanted to come over tonight when he si done work. said he wanted to say hi, and he had to give me my soccer ball back (not really a big deal) and he had something else to give me (not sure what). he also asked me if i could look for something trivial of his (this has been lost for a year and he KNOWS i do not have it) never said what. so i texted him back saying when are you off work? and he has yet to reply (this was just about 10 min ago)

 

anyway we broke up about 3.5 weeks ago, due to him being confused, wasnt sure if i was the one (we dated for 2.5 years). cried, said how muche has missed me, but cant be with me..anyway, so teh first week i begged all of that stuff. i have not initiated contact in 11 days (which is a lot for us). 5 days ago he came into my work (we work in the same building) and said hi and stuff. i was nice but wasnt emotional or anything. we hvae not since talked..

 

i do not want to get my hopes up. please everyone tell me not to. i have plans tonight so i am going to tell him i can stop by for a bit. i dont awnt to get my hopes up because i really think it is nothing. i honestly think he is making sure im not mad at him, or that im responsive to him still. i think i should go and see waht he wants, but should i make it quick? how do i act? im sorry im panicing, i just didnt expect this.. please anyone help

[irishjig]

If you have plans say so and maybe ask if you can meet tomorrow? Create a situation where you are not going to him, maybe meet in a neutral place.

[hellohello1]

damn, i already told him id meet him tonight. i told him i had plans and he said ok, im done at 9:15 if u want i can just drop it off... i said ok well my plans will be done by then i can stop by for a little if u want, and he said ok just text me when..

 

perhaps i shoudl have said ok well maybe tomorrow (im going away for ac ouple of days so maybe that wouldnt have been the best idea)

 

im curious about what he wants to give me. i dont want to get my hopes up, which i am. which is bad, as even if its something good i need to not think anythign of it. ugh im nervous now. he probly wants to give me something stupid, i just dont understand why he wouldnt tell me what it is. sorry im being all jittery..this just caught me off guard

[iBroken]

I hate to say it but, it doesnt sound like there is anything to get excited about.

 

It sounds like a business deal - he has some things of yours as you do of his.

[HeartGoesOn]

I would simply tell him that you'll meet him in a public place, in the day light hours.

[irishjig]

It's hard to know. Try not to get too excited, easier said than done I know. It's ok if you've already agreed to meet him just be strong when you do. Keep it friendly and say you can't stay long.

[hellohello1]

dont hate to say it. i need to hear it. i wont be seeing him for a few hours (im in pacific time)..please i am glad you told me that because i really need to not think anything of it..and i dont want to get worked up about it. i guess i just dont know what the other thing was that he wanted to give me, adn he didnt tlel me what. thank you because i think i need to calm down.

[hellohello1]

thanks for the replies guys. ya im not going to his house, were meeting at a park in between our houses taht we hang out at a lot. thanks everyone i just dont want to get my hopes up. so i should just be calm, not talk about the relatoinship, none of that stuff, right? just be friendly but not overly anything..?

[irishjig]

No talk about the relationship is right, keep it friendly and as casual as you can. I hope it goes well, keep us posted!

[stay_positive]

Hope it goes good!!

[hellohello1]

alright..so it was interesting to say the least...please no one get mad at me..

 

so i go over there expecting to stay maybe 30 min..i ended up there for 3 hours. the first liek 20 min we just talked it was a little awkward i guess. we did not touch each other or talk about the relationship. somehow, (he brought it up) our relationship got brought up. and somehow i ended up staying 3 hours...i feel i got some clarity though. he told me he loved me, and he is in love with me, and that he does honestly feel that i am the best thing that ever happened to him and the love of his life. (he told me a few weeks ago he wasnt sure). he told me over this past 2 weeks where i have not contacted him he has thought lots and has definitely thought about getting back together. he said that he needs to find out who he is, and that when we were together, he felt he lost himself. (we hung out literally everyday and talked all day long, i understand this is too much now). he said he misses me bad, and he has thought about being with me but he doesnt want to make a mistake. he says he knows that if we get back together we will be together forever and he needs to figure stuff out for himself and find out who he is before he does that (hes 23)..

 

it did make me feel better that he said that he still had those feelings for me...we ended up kissing (no one kill me!!)..it was him, slowly he started putting his arm around me and somehow we got into staring at each other and he said his heart was racing and it felt like when we first got together...he said he wanted to kiss me i said we cant do that..so then i looke daway and then after a few min he kissed me..he said it was amazing..ugh, it was so good because i think it got him to realize how much he felt for me, but i know we shouldnt have kissed. i told him that after we did and i said it was not because i didnt watn to but because i dont think we hsould do anything like that unless we are together, or at least committed to trying.

 

i even told him that i do not want to get back together at thsi time if he is not 100% because i would not ever want this to happen again. he said that us being together someday is very likely but he cannot committ if he isnot 100% sure. this is very much different than what he said 2 weeks ago (after i begged and all of that stuff) i appreciate that he loves me enough to not stay with me because it temporarily feels good..i think he wants to make sure he dosnt have any regrets. he also said that if we get back together it will probably be the best thing for our relationship and i agreed..he said he needs to figure out who he is before he can be in a relationship. he also said he has no desire to be with anyone else and so anyway im just going to go back to no contact. i guess i just wanted to share what happened...

 

is there anyone who can give me any support or advice? i would appreciate anything..

[HeartGoesOn]

Did you get your soccer ball back, and whatever it was he also wanted to give you last night?

[hellohello1]

yes i did (the other things he wanted to give me were an accumulation of some items that he had bought for me as presents before and had forgotten to give them to me - little things)

[marshmallito]

He wants his cake and to eat it too. He is being very dramatic and romantic but doesn't want to be with you and risk what? Risk it turning into a boring, mundane, everyday committed relationship?

What does he need to find out?

[paradiselost]

Hey i think its his way of reaching out and to see if he made the right decision about leaving the relationship.

 

you are being tested - BUT IN A POSITIVE WAY - as he must be unsure about his decision.

 

So you have to make the most of this opportunity

 

1. Go dress super nice - wear a colour he likes, jeans or top he likes, wear your hair in a way he likes, put on perfume.

 

2. Be nice, casual, slightly flirty - ABOVE ALL BE HIS FRIEND

 

3. Let him feel relaxed and at ease - he needs reassurance you are not mad, angry - act as if he is one of your close friends, and there never were any issues.

 

This will make him realise what a lovely person you are, what good company you are and most importantly that you do not bear grudges, resentment, ill will which will make him feel accepted for his mistake and give him courage to try it out again.

 

DONT MENTION THE RELATIONSHIP AT ALL

DONT ACT TOO CURIOUS ABOUT HIS LIFE, DATING ETC

DONT BE TOO GIVING IN TERMS OF INFORMATION OF HOW YOU HAVE BEEN

 

Equally dont act too too happy as it will look like you are faking moving on but dont for a minute let him think you stayed at home crying.

 

Be natural, calm and confident - be the girl he liked when you met

 

Good luck and let us know

[hellohello1]

thank you everyone for the replies

 

i agree marshmallito..he definitely wants the perks of the relationship without the committment. thats why i am just going to leave him alone and disappear from his life. its tough because he is stringing me along, intentionally or not. like i am guessing that within a week i will get some random text from him or something..should i just ignore it? i didnt contact him for 2 weeks and i got him popping up at my work to visit me and then asking me to come over..should i be saying no??

[marshmallito]

Definitely, pulling back is working with him. But I think maybe you should be tougher again. I mean, you want a relationship and not more games.

 

Don't be so easy to reach, just like last time. If he pushes to see you again, he might have to come up with a lame excuse. But I would act concerned for his feelings. Maybe tell him that you understand his confusion and you feel conflicted about spending time together too. Maybe you shouldn't hang out while he is feeling so emotional.

 

You need to turn the drama back on him. ParadiseLost is right, you need to be the fun one, and he can be confused.

[hellohello1]

thanks..i appreciate your advice!! i think that unless he says we need to talk, or at least something along those lines (in regards to our relationship) then i probably should ignore it. he walked by me today (we work in teh same building) and we waved at each other. i dont want to be cold to him, i still love him and want to be with him badly. im doing alright though.

 

that is very true. i told him i have been doing new things, like kickboxing and hagning out wtih friends a lot,a dn im going fishing this week, he was surprised. he was also saying he has been bored a lot, just filling up time..haha..

 

well im just going to continue with NC and try to get over him. he knows where to reach me if he wants to try things again.

[sadeyesppr]

I'm actually very proud of you. In the state I'm in now I probably would've caved way more than you did. I think the pulling away from him is just pulling him in, so keep doing what you're doing. I don't think you should ignore him, but I do think you should not initiate contact, if he texts you respond with short to the point responses and wait it out because he's still on the fence, although it seems like he's leaning towards coming back soon. You just have to give him that extra push by keeping your distance