I've never felt like this...

[Jpo]

This might not be the right place to put this since this is a friend, but I feel more strongly about this than I ever have for anyone I've dated in the past.

 

I met a girl 9 or so months ago and we have been best friends ever since. We hang out nearly every day, text all day (40+/day) and call each other the days we are apart. And about two weeks ago we started having sex.

 

Last weekend though she completely used me and got caught in a lie about it. Even her best friend of 15 years told me that if she was in my position, she would never talk to her again. It's made me question our entire friendship. I still really care about her though.

 

Since the weekend I have not texted or talked to her at all besides showing up for her birthday dinner (which I left early -- things were kind of awkward). No contact since.

 

It is killing me though. I feel completely empty without her. I can't breath sometimes and feel sick to my stomach. I want to see her so bad, but at the same time I don't want to see her at all. I've never felt like this and I don't know what to do.

[pumpkinmoon]

I'm really sorry. I would cut her off too. She isn't relationship material.

[Jpo]

I know that I'm making her really upset by being distant (her best friend has been texting me) and I honesty don't want that. I still want to be friends with her, although I don't know if I could ever be as close. I just need to be away from her for a while, because of what happened, but also because I think I am falling in love with her.

 

I kind of think it is over though, and maybe that's for the best. It hurts, but I still had some really good times with her. I guess I always got that quote from Dr Suess: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

[Celestialagape54]

^^ If you don't mind me asking is this the same girl from your previous thread? The one who slept with the buddy of yours?

[hexaemeron]

Wait, I'm confused, Jpo. How did she use you? For sex? For something else?

[FootofGod]

It's especially hard to judge without details, but yeah, I think it's over and you should leave it at that. Maybe down the road your paths will cross and you'll both have moved away from the past and can be friends or whatever you both want. Anything can happen.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

She treated you casually, right or wrong is not important, but I wouldn't let my heart keep getting involved unless she comes to you and says she wants a relationship with you. I'm really sorry you're going through this, I'm sure it hurts. Some may think you are being unfair (as they did in the last thread) but only you know how to keep yourself from being treated like crap. You can only resume a platonic relationship when your feelings for her are gone.

[iBroken]

Deets please.......that might help

[FootofGod]

Original story:

 

[Jpo]

Stuff has changed a lot since that thread (it is the same girl). It has actually gotten WAY more complicated than that (the other thread isn't even a good point of reference for this because so much has changed). And I purposely left out details because I'm not really looking for advice on that (I already talked to lots of people about it), more just kind of writing what I'm feeling because I feel like crap.

 

At this point it for me it isn't really about being fair or not, I just need to get away from her because I'm starting to fall for her and I know that it will go nowhere.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

NC is probably best. Good luck, hope you can move on painlessly.

[FootofGod]

Stuff has changed a lot since that thread (it is the same girl). It has actually gotten WAY more complicated than that (the other thread isn't even a good point of reference for this because so much has changed). And I purposely left out details because I'm not really looking for advice on that (I already talked to lots of people about it), more just kind of writing what I'm feeling because I feel like crap.

 

At this point it for me it isn't really about being fair or not, I just need to get away from her because I'm starting to fall for her and I know that it will go nowhere.

 

Ooh, yeah. That's ugly. I was just using it so people could know what happened originally, though.

[Jpo]

Wow... So I hadn't had a chance to talk to her about it yet because it wasn't really appropriate over the weekend and I didn't want to ruin her birthday, so I decided to finally grow up and discuss it (as opposed to me just ignoring the whole thing and never talking to her again; my usual).

 

Well she texted me earlier today and asked what was wrong. I finally talked to her and told her what I was feeling about out friendship and the response I got was, "whatever". WHATEVER! Damn... I didn't even accuse her of anything, basically just told her that I starting to have feelings for her and I know that's not what she wants, so I think we should stop hanging out as much for a while.

 

Now I remember why I usually keep my emotions to myself and just stop talking to people I don't like.

[FootofGod]

Dude, I know we can't really choose who we fall for sometimes, but this chick sounds like an absolute * * * * * from everything I've heard. I'm sure she's got her nice side and can be sweet - they all do and they all can, but when it comes to where it counts, this girl seems to have 0 points.

 

I can't tell you what to do with it, but this "whatever" basically tells you the kind of person you're dealing with and how much respect she has for your opinion. If the shoe were on my foot, I'd strap in for the pain, find my strength, and tell myself " * * * * * got to GO!" and never talk to her or return contact. You don't have to be that extreme and, like I said, it's way too easy to say that from outside of the whole thing.

[Jpo]

Thanks. I don't think I'm going to talk to her again. I don't understand if that is all she has to say, then why did she even ask what's wrong? Ugh... I guess it doesn't matter anymore, we're done for good.

[FootofGod]

Hey, with that said, here's an appropriate song I've been meaning to share with someone. But nobody ever actually listens in the "breakup song" posts, they just post long lists of mostly horrid music and never check out the other posts. It's song 10- "Don't Come Back" on the list. This guy is just a local artist here in Iowa, and I accidentally discovered this song a while ago, and I just remembered it yesterday and hunted it down.

 

link removed

 

Like I said, song 10. Tell me what you think! I know it's not quite perfect because she was a friend, but the way she treated you, it seems like it still works.

[Jpo]

That song is really appropriate to my situation, thanks for sharing it. We weren't dating, but we basically were. At one point we were "exclusive friends with benefits", talked every day, I met her parents, we did everything together.

[Ms Darcy]

Now I remember why I usually keep my emotions to myself and just stop talking to people I don't like.

 

I think this experience is perhaps a lesson to NOT go back to sex without emotion. Perhaps this situation put you in a position that a girl might have been in with you in the past (hurt emotionally); perhaps it is a signal that you actually want more substantive relationships in the future.