It Will Be Almost a Month...Still Trying to Accept It

[Summer12]

I posted before explaining my long distance relationship with my ex. (This may be long for some of you but for those of you who are willing to read this, maybe you can help me?) He ended everything like a coward, just stopped answering my calls and texts. Then I found out from my Mom that he had been talking to this trashy girl that lives down his street. He finally called me back after I left a message of me crying. He told me he started dating the girl and I could tell she was right next to him. He couldn't even have the decency to call me about it when she wasn't around. It will be a month this weekend since I have last spoke to him...

 

I catch myself sometimes blaming myself for this all happening and regret things that I have said or done to him in the past.

 

Before I left to go back to college to take summer classes, him and I had a fight. The fight was over him smoking pot with his friend (who is a complete loser and has a baby he has never seen and is with a girl who has a baby from another guy...which he wants to adopt!). I wouldn't care if they were just smoking pot, but my ex than tells me they smoked with a 7-year-old!!! I was furious! I was telling my ex "You're supposed to be an adult! You should know not to smoke with a 7-year-old! The kid shouldn't be around drugs in the first place, and once you see him smoke you should take yourself out of the situation and not be apart of it!" He was yelling at me saying "We always fight and that I act like the kid was related to me." Ummm hello! You don't have to be related to someone to care about them! Plus it is the principal of the situation. I told him that and I began to cry and said, "You just disappoint me..." He went inside and eventually came back out to me. He gave me a hug and said "Sorry and that the kid was probably 12, he couldn't really tell because he was spanish."

 

I blame myself for fighting with him over this, but I know I shouldn't because I am the one who is morally right...Even though I am beginning to see the scumbag that he truly is...I know it's horrible, but I still want to be with him. But he has so much growing up to do.

 

One last thing. A few months back when I went home for break, him and I were somewhere and I saw a little girl who was adorable. I said, "I want kids." And he said, "Oh not with me?" I said, "I never said that." And he replied, "Mmmhmm (Supposedly joking)." I do want kids but of course not now because I am still in college.

 

The day after our fight that I spoke about above..we went to a theme park with his family. I had seen another adorable little girl and said the same thing, "I want to have kids." His reply this time was, "I'm going to make beautiful babies." He said this about 3 times one right after the other. I just smiled. When I went back to college I thought I was possibly pregnant, but the time of the month finally came...

I texted him, "It's a good thing we don't have little (His name) running around." He replied "Yeah I know. But we would make cute babies!" This text message was the day after him and his new g/f started dating!!! I don't get it. What do his baby comments mean? Why would he say this if they started dating?

[pumpkinmoon]

The baby comments mean nothing.

 

I can understand wanting someone back even though you know they are a waste of space.

 

Look at his character... The first problem is that he does drugs at all, second that he would do drugs around a child, and the third being that he has no problem at all going after trashy girls.

 

You don't need someone like that!

[Summer12]

Thanks for your response. After writing that I realized how immature he is. I'm still hurting but trying to get to that place where I'm okay. I have a window of opportunity in front of me, I go to a great college and I know I can have a great future. I know that I can become the person I want to be.

 

I feel like there hasn't been closure since he just disappeared for 5 days and then all of a sudden has a new trashy girlfriend. I know it's over and I don't want any confrontation, but I just need closure. After being together for 6 years, I think I deserve something more than just a disappearing act and having to find out about the new girl from my own Mom!

 

Any thoughts on the idea of me meeting up with him for closure? I'll be in town next week and his new girlfriend won't be in town there apparently.

[pumpkinmoon]

I don't see the point of meeting with him. It will make you more upset than you already are. You know he is seeing someone else, and someone inferior to you at that.

 

It shpws how much he cares to just go out and do that after 6 years with you.

 

Focus on the good things in your life right now and believe that he isn't worth it.