Why there is Approach Anxiety

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Hello all.

 

Approach Anxiety is something I've suffered with all of my life, or should I say all of my dating life. It's not that I have trouble talking to people, particularly women, outside of this circumstance. In class, library, asking the time, I can do all of these things with no problem. But when it comes to approaching a complete stranger or even someone I know in passing with the purpose of getting their number for a possible date, I chicken out. People who've seen me here know I've struggled with my appearance. I'm just not appealing. The reason why I have Approach Anxiety is because of the fear of disgusting her and ruining her day.

 

Three friends of mine have invited me to approach women. They say all you have to do is talk to them. I've been told I'm funny, personalble and friendly, but never attractive. I asked them if you have to be attractive to them and they say of course, but then they mention my sense of humor. They never called me ugly, but I can read into things. They get women hitting on them all the time, so I wonder how they would feel about the situation if they were in my mask. I never sulk in these situations, so it's not my attitude or the aura of my attitude. I'm usually the funny guy in the crowd.

 

This article below was written by called Laura Gilbert on yahoo's link removed site. I was wondering if there's a case where physical attraction does not come into play here. At all. Not once. I should also say that I have no problem with this, just that it's been my struggle since 4th grade.

 

link removed

[turnera]

Good advice in that article.

 

What about visualizing what the other person may be thinking? In a POSITIVE way! I tell my daughter that the other person is JUST as insecure or worried as she is, so be the strong one and just do the other person a favor by being the first one to go up and talk.

[fLuiD]

As difficult as it might be, you need to put your intentions to approach these women in the back of your head, and simply go with a clear mind to start small talk. That's the difference and its probably the main reason why you get anxious. I'll be real with you and not sugarcoat anything. Society says if you aren't attractive you are going to have a hard time attracting the attention/interest of women. Sad truth, but we have to learn to live with it. You can do 1 of 2 things.

 

1. You can change your appearance to feel more attractive and come off as more attractive. This involves changing/improving wardrobe, hairstyle, body, etc.

 

-- or --

 

2. You can 'fake it to make it' and sell yourself to these women using some of your other personality traits. Always approach with a smile and make sure you come off as an easy-going guy. The right woman will understand that she has a great person in front of her who she wants to get to know better.

 

On top of approaching these women without any intention, you also need to learn to accept rejection. Every time you walk up to a pretty lady and she gives you the nicest or nastiest rejection you need to not be affected by it. Take it as a loss, and move on to the next. Its a lot of hit and miss in the dating world and we all have been through it, and will continue to go through it until we find the right person for us.