Will I ever get better

[sunday2010]

hey

 

I'm new here.I have to post some stuff as tonight i'm still really struggling.

 

i don't want to go into my story to much but i did post a day ago."In depair, its now a month".

 

Its now 5 weeks since the split/I'm actaully not feeling any better in fact I feel worse. Is this normal? It was really my first big long term relationship.

 

I have to say I truly miss him every minute of teh day.And the fact I'll never hear from him again is truly gutwrenching.I wish he had said at the end I will never contact you instead of saying yes we can still talk on the phone.He had no intentions of ever doing that.I guess that has made things worse.I thought by now he would of at least called to see if I was ok but obviosuly he hates me too much to do so.probably not hate its probably indifference.

 

I'm not getting any younger at 36 and I really feel I gotta get out there and try and find somebody in my life.Hey I know i gotta work on me but I spent alot of my 20's alone and I don't want that in my life.i wantto be in a committed relationship and going forward.i don't know why he gave up on me so badly.

 

Only probably 3 months ago he said to me" hey we've been together 4 years we still have great chemistry(and we did) some people lose that aren't we lucky we still have it" So why has it all gone down the toilet like it never mattered.how does somebody lose all those feelings so quickly?

 

 

'He gave up on me and will never ever give me a chance to redeem myself.I really feel he was the only one for me.Its not that simple to just find somebody you can connect with and have chemistry.I don't feel I'm getting better I feel I'm getting worse.What can I expect as the two month mark hits?

 

People may say I'm crazy but i have been on some dates already , not one of them was interested.there was no connection or spark.Hes the only person that i've had that with.What if I meant to be alone forever/I just can't see myself meeting anybody and having that"connection".

[somberchic]

Maybe thats why you feel worse--because you have already started to date other guys when you're clearly not ready to. Dating other guys when you're still in love with your ex will make things worse! It'll make you compare every guy you date to your ex! Don't do it! I wouldn't date another guy until its been at least 6 months of NC... The first couple of months of post break-up is the worst--but it does get easier after! Hang in there, it does get better.

[Im Steph]

Sunday, I'm right there with you. Just past 5 weeks after breakup. He felt we had been drifting and he was not in love with me anymore, didn't believe in a future for us. I agreed that we had not been communicating as well for the last 6 months or so, but I thought we had something special and he just decided on his own that it was over. I had not considered any other future. I can't see myself with anyone else and just miss him so painfully much. I'm also looking for a new job but I don't feel like I can do it on my own.

 

Yes, I feel worse at this point than I did a few weeks ago. I suppose I was probably in denial or just not fully accepting what he was saying and that it was over. I think I still don't believe, but I am coming to accept that he needs to figure himself out. But I hope still to be able to see him again and try again. I would think dating now would be way too soon. I went to a wedding this weekend and met someone I found attractive and interesting, but I only felt able to talk to him because he is also going through a horrible breakup (his fiance cheated on him). It is some small comfort that there are so many people out there who are going through situations like this. Just keep feeling what you need to, talking to people, and remember there are people who care about you and are there to help.

Take care.

[little_buttercup]

Hey, welcome to ENA.

 

It's natural to have ups and downs in the healing process. It's also natural to feel like you'll never have a strong bond with anyone else; after all, you had something special with this guy and you still care & love him deeply. There's nothing wrong with that. Your feelings are valid and you have every right to feel that way. Your heart just got broken -- it's a major thing to deal with. As a dear friend of mine says, "Be very gentle with yourself."

 

I don't know why he ended the relationship so coldly but hopefully you can get some closure. It is hard when the person you love says you can be friends but then he just cuts contact altogether. I'm in the same boat. Take your time in healing, post here, turn to people you can trust, and don't rush into anything you don't feel ready to go into.

[jenna-is-here]

Hello Sunday2010,

 

It does get better but it is not a clear steady climb. There will be days you are so low you think you are back to week 1 and days you are okay. The overall pictures VERY SLOWLY starts to look brighter as time goes by. For me week 5-8 were VERY HARD. I think it around the time I started processing everything more and realizing that we were not going to get back together. It is still very hard to wrap my head around.

 

I am in week 10 NC of 4yr live together relationship. What got me trough the 2nd 5 weeks is knowing I got through the 1st 5 weeks. You have already gotten through so much, you are going to be okay.

 

I still have really hard cries but I can say I am feeling more like my old self these days. Hang in there, the getting over someone process sucks but is necessary to go through so you can feel whole again and begin to date in a healthy way.

 

Also, I tried online dating for 6 hrs. I coud not take it. It made me sick. And, it was then I made a decision to not even try for 6 months because it was not going to do anyone any good.

[sunday2010]

yeah its hard to believe its like others said to him don't ever contact her again.I am sure that is what has happened.He contacted me briefly two days after the big split but I've heard nothing since.It was just abrief are you ok after I left a sobbing message on his phone.Since then the phone is dead, he obviosuly chucked it away.letters emails just nothing is answered.how coudl somebody be so cold and just act liek you never existed.I didn't kill anyone or cheat.I might as well have maybe he woudl still talk to me.Its just all too weird for me.I can't deal with the whole ignore stuff.Its childish.I need closure and won't get that if he ignores everything

[Ding]

yeah its hard to believe its like others said to him don't ever contact her again.I am sure that is what has happened.He contacted me briefly two days after the big split but I've heard nothing since.It was just abrief are you ok after I left a sobbing message on his phone.Since then the phone is dead, he obviosuly chucked it away.letters emails just nothing is answered.how coudl somebody be so cold and just act liek you never existed.I didn't kill anyone or cheat.I might as well have maybe he woudl still talk to me.Its just all too weird for me.I can't deal with the whole ignore stuff.Its childish.I need closure and won't get that if he ignores everything

 

 

I can feel the pain in this post. But imagine the tables are turned - imagine he read these boards and all the advice seems to be 'no contact with ex at all costs, cut them out of your life, do it for your own healing, cut all contact to get over them etc' - basically he is doing that. He is doing everything these boards suggest as a way of healing - maybe this is how he copes with things.

 

I think NC is not always the best thing to do - sure it is empowering to the person instigating it, but to the receiver it is horrible.

 

It is horrible to go through, and I hope you start to feel better soon and come to terms with it in your own way. Keep on getting up everyday and taking happiness in the small things in life.

[pumpkinmoon]

Maybe thats why you feel worse--because you have already started to date other guys when you're clearly not ready to. Dating other guys when you're still in love with your ex will make things worse! It'll make you compare every guy you date to your ex! Don't do it! I wouldn't date another guy until its been at least 6 months of NC... The first couple of months of post break-up is the worst--but it does get easier after! Hang in there, it does get better.

 

I agree. I went out on a date about 2 months after I think, and all I did was think, this isn't my ex. It started off ok but as it went on, I couldn't wait to get out of there. He tried to kiss me at the end, just on the cheek, which was very gentlemanly of him, but it made me sick. I cried all the way home that night.

 

Don't go looking for someone yet. It will only lead to disappointment.

[sunday2010]

I do agree but I need to get out there.He has forgotten me and thrown everything we had away.I'm 36 hes a measley 32 hes got tons of time to go and find somebody .he'll be his bachelor self and has left me high and dry, I stayed with him because I thought he was the one. I feel at my age it will be very difficult to find somebody to connect to.I just don't have the time to waste.I've wasted enough time on him.And to not even call to see if i'm ok.Well that just sucks.Reagrdless I need to get out there and try and find somebody i can have in my life.I don't want to get to 40 and be alone!!!!!

[pumpkinmoon]

I do agree but I need to get out there.He has forgotten me and thrown everything we had away.I'm 36 hes a measley 32 hes got tons of time to go and find somebody .he'll be his bachelor self and has left me high and dry, I stayed with him because I thought he was the one. I feel at my age it will be very difficult to find somebody to connect to.I just don't have the time to waste.I've wasted enough time on him.And to not even call to see if i'm ok.Well that just sucks.Reagrdless I need to get out there and try and find somebody i can have in my life.I don't want to get to 40 and be alone!!!!!

 

It's only been 5 weeks. It took me 4 months to even feel a little normal again.

 

Another few months will not hurt. If you go out looking now and pick the first one that comes along, you will be settling. You may start a relationship, but you won't be happy and then it will just end again and you will be in this situation again a few years down the line.

[sunday2010]

I know its only been 5 but it seems longer.I'm so angry he has forgotten me.

I feel worse than i did in the beginning stages of the breakup but I can't see how I could i was physically gone from packing my life up .Everything seesm drab and very flat.Like theres nothing to look forward to.I don't care what anybody says a few days before it was over he hugged me so hard my bones nearly broke and asked me to never leave for that long ever again because I'd stayed away from him for two weeks, because I couldn't live where we were living.You can't switch those feelings on and off.But obviously you can if you're a man.Does anybody think even an apology letter will still get me nowhere.I was only able to write it last week i wasn't ready to before, that it will arrive today.i aplogised for my behaviour and outlined what I was doing to rectify these issues.I guess it will make no difference what a hard son of a * * * * * .I never realised how cold he wa still now.

[pumpkinmoon]

You really need to calm down.

 

He hasn't forgotten you. People don't forget. If you keep contacting him you will drive him further away I assure you.

 

Just need to ride it out. There is lots to look forward to in life. This is my first day of the break up and it's awful but you just need to get out and about. I went out today, day one, and it really helped.

 

There is the need to understand that there is nothing you can do about the situation, all you can do is help yourself.

[sunday2010]

I am actually calm.Its is 5 weeks in after all.

 

I have done alot of the stuff like getting on with my life.

 

I just feel that after that amount of time together and at my age its going to be very difficult for me.

 

Most people in my age group have kids and are married and the ones out there who are single are divorced going around the second time.

 

I stayed with him believing we had a future and the things he said to me didn't suggest otherwise.its very difficult to to just end stuff abruptly that you'd been working towards that whole time.

 

I feel lost and betrayed and its easier for men to find a woman.For him 32 is young.For me I'm the wrong side fo 35.:sad:

[pumpkinmoon]

I am actually calm.Its is 5 weeks in after all.

 

I have done alot of the stuff like getting on with my life.

 

I just feel that after that amount of time together and at my age its going to be very difficult for me.

 

Most people in my age group have kids and are married and the ones out there who are single are divorced going around the second time.

 

I stayed with him believing we had a future and the things he said to me didn't suggest otherwise.its very difficult to to just end stuff abruptly that you'd been working towards that whole time.

 

I feel lost and betrayed and its easier for men to find a woman.For him 32 is young.For me I'm the wrong side fo 35.

 

Those are normal feelings. I feel the same way too and I'm 28. Think about it, there had to be lots of people the same age as you or similar who are also coming out of relationships right now. It just takes time to find them.