Faking it until I make it. When will I be able to stop faking it?

[KittyBoo]

Over these last few months I have come a long way considering how I was immediately following the break up. However, I am frustrated and discouraged because after all this time I am still crying over it and although I have found new activities to fill some of my time, the ache of loneliness from missing him is still there and won't go away. To add insult to injury, we both live on the same street and more often now I am seeing the car of the woman he cheated on me with parked at his house and it just acts to trigger all of the painful memories of how he broke my heart. He told me shortly after he broke up with me that as soon as she left her husband they were going to make a go of having a relationship together. For a long time I thought he had finally come to his senses because I never saw any sign of her but now it seems that it is coming true. Seeing him with someone new would still hurt but the fact that it is her hurts me more. Like she took what was mine (this is a just a perception, I know it is not reality).

 

I don't have a lot of friends and find it hard meeting and getting to know new people. So a big part of the struggle is losing what I was familiar and comfortable with even though he caused me a lot of pain.

 

I just feel so broken and lonely right now. My closest friend tells me it is a process that I have to go through and that it takes time but it just feels like my heart is breaking every day and I don't like feeling like this. I try using positive self affirmations and reassuring myself that he wasn't the right guy for me, that I deserve someone who will really love me and want to be with me.

 

I am doing everything I need to be doing (still seeing the therapist, working on my self esteem and issues, signing up for volunteer work, etc) but the grief from the loss is so strong. My friend tells me that I didn't really lose that much and on a logical level I can agree. But my heart still aches.

[alli]

I really feel for you. I think a big thing holding you back from getting over him is the fact that you live sooo close together, and it's like you get slapped in the face every time you look out your window & see his house, his car & her there. It's soo hard to get over someone when they are still physically near you.

 

I dated a guy for a few months my freshman year of high school. He dumped me, and I swear I never totally got over him until he graduated, 3 years later. Just because I had to see him every day. But as soon as he was gone, I was over it.

 

I hope one of you already has plans to move. If you are in a situation where that would be difficult, I guess you'll stay because you have to. But if you have an opportunity to move, I would encourage you to do it. Maybe look for someone who's looking for a roommate? That would give you the opportunity to meet new people.

 

I wouldn't say it's difficult for me to find friends, but pretty much all of mine I met through work. It weird any other time to try to make friends, I mean what are you supposed to do, approach a stranger in a grocery store & ask them to hang out? It's like anything; without the opportunity, it's hard to do it. And if you work with people who are totally unlike you. Say, in a different age category, or they aren't the type to hang out together after work, making friends at work is even more difficult.

[IvantheAvg]

Its still early in your break-up. There are times where faking it is warranted but i think you should stop fighting your feelings and surrender to your grief. Just enjoy the depression and allow yourself to be hurt. One day you wake-up and your ready to move on. Just stay safe during this process. Sometimes enduring is enough.

[uncomfynumb]

Telling yourself over and over again not care when you is indeed faking it but eventually you end up believing what you tell yourself. So just keep on faking it til you do make it baby and you will. I know, it is my motto!

[Juxtapoz]

is it possible to move? i'd say get out of there, otherwise it's going to take twice as long to get over him if you're constantly being reminded of what a tool he was by seeing her car. yuck, what a jerk.

 

if you own the house, put it up for sale. wipe your slate clean. easier said than done, i know, but it's all possible right?

[force]

Go flatten her tires

[KittyBoo]

We both own homes. He bought his mother's house just last year so I am pretty sure that he has no intention of selling it. I bought out my ex-husband's equity in our house 4 years ago when we split up and have invested a lot of money in renovations so I don't want to move quickly either. I had thought about it a few months ago but didn't want to make a rash decision. My mother lives 2 hours away and I have one brother who is closer by but we don't see each other that often. I do have friends in the town where I am currently living and I do like my neighbors so it seems more logical to just stay put for the time being. That way if and when I meet someone in the future and if there are any plans for us to live together then I can make a decision about whether or not to sell my house. For right now I guess the best way is just to drive in the opposite direction and take the longer way to go around when I have to go anywhere that I would normally head down the street in his direction.

 

It's funny..... I was with my ex-husband in total for 14 years and the break-up was hard but I bounced back so much faster than this time where I was only with my last b/f for 2 years. It's not like he was a super amazing guy but we certainly laughed a lot together. Compatability was not an issue for us, it was physical chemistry. He even told me when breaking up with me that if he stayed he would only end up cheating again. You would think I would be thankful to have him out of my life and yet I have never missed anyone the way I miss him. Months ago he had said he really felt that we would end up being friends and a few weeks ago when I emailed him after a few months of NC he told me he had no desire to talk to me or be friends with me right now. That rejection really did a number on me and is probably what holds me back. I am a kind, loving, loyal person and I really, really loved him. So the fact that he doesn't want anything to do with me hurts quite a bit.