"It wasn't meant to be"

[stu1973]

Hollywood (and Bollywood) movies are pure fiction, intended for entertainment.

 

"Wrong decision"? Probably not. Subconsciously maybe you made the right decision.

 

The high-octane, "overwhelming" stuff is like a too-bright fire, burns out very quickly.

 

H

 

The Hollywood thing was tongue in cheek, although I am a great romantic and firmly believe in the power of strong chemistry and attraction.

 

I strongly, strongly disagree, I think there is too much cynicism on this site. I mean people get married, and live happily ever after right? Sometimes?

 

I definitely did not subconciously make the right decision. I thought my actions would lead to us becoming stronger, but I'm inexperienced. My female friend said if she'd known at the time what I was doing, she'd have kicked my around the room for being so blind and stupid.

 

I stand by what I said, very, very good things can be ruined by poor decision making , it's not always " it wasn't meant to be ".

 

Our relationship wasn't a frantically tear clothes off, highly charged passionate one. It was one of immense attraction ( physical and emotional ), and deep affection. It didn't burn out quickly, I spoilt it by appearing aloof, we both fought like tigers to keep it.

[hmmwhoknows]

Indeed, there is a lot of cynicism on this site, although it's usually well deserved.

 

Still, I just never liked the statement "It wasn't meant to be." Whether I've been in a great, happy point in my life, or more of a broken, depressed point doesn't make a difference. It's not about being in denial about my situation. I don't give advice to people with a one-size-fits-all phrase such as this, and I don't like people saying it to me either. The way I see it, nothing is meant to be or not meant to be. Chance is the main factor in so many situations.

 

Also, our generational tendency to give up at the first sign of trouble seems to end many relationships. Some times I wish I were born in India and had an arranged marriage. The idea there is to learn to love someone, and while it may be antiquated, I bet it works better than our system!

[Brownstone322]

I hated this expression as well...and all the other ones which basically spoke the truth which we don't want to face.

Er, show us something that is "meant to be." What would that even mean? And "meant to be" my whom?

 

"Was/wasn't meant to be" is not only not "true," but it's a meaningless cliché tossed around by the intellectually lazy.

[stu1973]

Er, show us something that is "meant to be." What would that even mean? And "meant to be" my whom?

 

"Was/wasn't meant to be" is not only not "true," but it's a meaningless cliché tossed around by the intellectually lazy.

 

I couldn't agree more, every second of every day we make decisions that alter things.

[hmmwhoknows]

I couldn't agree more, every second of every day we make decisions that alter things.

 

SPOT ON!

 

I'm not saying that we make our own destiny, but nothing is ever certain.

[Aleina]

It makes me furious too. What is actually means is that the dumper no longer wants (the relationship) to be..

[Hermes]

Stu:

 

First of all let me say I am no cynic, but I don't permanently wear the rose-coloured spactacles either!

 

I mean people get married, and live happily ever after right?

Of course they do, no one said otherwise. Many people make happy marriages, many do not.

The decisions we make today, this minute, do configure the outcome of the "tomorrow". But, in relationships, what can seem like a right decision at the time, may well prove to be a "bad" (inappropriate) decision.

 

 

H

[Hermes]

HMWK:

 

Chance is the main factor in so many situations.

 

Quite so. Same thing, just expressed differently.

 

H

[Hermes]

link removed

[stu1973]

I think we may be going off topic here a wee bit, but nevermind!

 

Aleina, they are horrible words to hear, but bear in mind that the person saying them may not be great at communicating and they are trying to let someone down gently. It is cliched, but what it means is the person no longer wants to be in the relationship, doesn't feel it's working and therefore thinks it should come to an end. It is more than likely not the real reason for the split. The thing is, would you like to be in a relationship in which the other person just isn't that into you? In one sentence my ex said "maybe some things just weren't meant to be", in the next "we could've had something good, but lost it / missed it" and "I think we had a window and we missed it" and "we ticked all the right boxes, we just didn't make it work" and "Even though we've only known each other a short time, I feel as though I've known you for years". Her words, not mine.

 

Hermes, I reckon I used to be a cynic, as I'm 36 now, have never had a SO or a LTR. Not to say I've not done my fair share of dating, I just haven't met anyone that absolutely rocks my world like she did. So I'm no longer a cynic. I do believe there is "the one", but not the only one on the whole planet who we are destined to be with, but "the one" out of all the people you have met so far, or people you are likely to meet, due to where you live, your social life, and your chances of meeting suitable people.

 

Another example of why "we just aren't meant to be" is a load of baloney is the way we met. It was online, I'd been on 3 dates in the previous 10 days, none of which floated my boat, and I was feeling a bit deflated by the whole thing, and almost cancelled our first date through apathy. But I CHOSE to go along, and the rest is history, just like I CHOSE not to call her while she was on holiday as I thought absence would make the heart grow fonder. She CHOSE to stop fighting for us, hence the breakup. This has nothing to do with things being "meant to be". I even think a break of a few weeks rather than a breakup could've healed any problems.

 

I think I've actually forgotten the point I'm trying to make here to be honest!

[Hermes]

I think I've actually forgotten the point I'm trying to make here to be honest!

Don't worry Stu. You and me both! Must be that "intellectual laziness" someone above mentioned LOL.

 

H

[Romy_my_name]

My dear fellow sufferers and Brownstone,

 

You can 'work at it' all you want, you can 'make the right decisions', but 'it takes 2 to tango'. Sorry,another cliche. Looks like our beloveds do not want 'to work at it' and they made their decisions.

 

If they loved us, we would not be here. People died for love, sacrificed everything for love - I am sure all of us here would. So, let's stop finding excuses.

 

Earlier in this thread, DIGG was talking 'compatibility'.... this elusive thing that makes us want some and not others. That elusive thing cannot be 'worked on'.

 

The key to all of us continuing living is to realise it. It will take a lot of heartache and pain to accept it. We know we are doing ok, when we can hear these unpleasant cliches with only a touch of sadness.

 

As you can see from the date, I have been at it longer than most of you and I guess I being a little cruel.... take your time. I really do wish us all speedy recovery - it's a hell of a hole to get out of.

[Aleina]

Aleina, they are horrible words to hear, but bear in mind that the person saying them may not be great at communicating and they are trying to let someone down gently. It is cliched, but what it means is the person no longer wants to be in the relationship, doesn't feel it's working and therefore thinks it should come to an end. It is more than likely not the real reason for the split. The thing is, would you like to be in a relationship in which the other person just isn't that into you?

 

Stu

 

I see what you mean and I completely agree. It seems like it's no one's fault really, just such is life. When all has been said and done, the only thing that matters is that the other person no longers want to be in a relationship with me. Although a part of me does not like/agree with this, the other fully realises that the issue is totally out of my control. I read somewhere that love is not a democratic thing, the break-up is not up for discussion, it simply is and one has to accept it.