What's the worst that can happen?

[ImpossibleDream]

I know about the whole moving on with your life after a break up, how acceptance and growth is the way to go, and how everybody has to play nice, but seriously, what happens if you don't? What happens if you dig your heels in and outright refuse to accept, or grow, or get over a break up? I'm interested to hear from anybody (Mostly Dudes, though Girls are always welcome) who has gone "F*ck it!" after a break up and remained steadfast in the belief that the relationship they just left was worth fighting for, even if it seems pointlessly hopeless. I'm talking more than a week though, because most people go through this phase, but I'm wondering if anyone has gone through this mindset for more than a few months, maybe even made it a lifestyle choice. Any input would be grand, thanks.

[davo1066]

my gf was away for 3 months, dumped me after 2 for frankly weak sounding reasons. I bit the bullet and swallowed my pride and told her i loved her and apologised for things i knew i did wrong and 2 months after the break up I won her round. She eventually said she broke up bcos she didnt think / know i loved her.

 

Anything less than my complete refusal to accept the breakup (and the flowers, meals etc I rained on her) would have been interpreted by her as proof she was right and i didnt love her.

 

That said, it still went belly ujp three months later anyway so in the end i got my heart ripped out twice by the same girl

[murrayfaces]

I mean, you can hold on for as long as you want to. But, I have come to realize that holding on keeps us from EVER meeting someone new. Or, once we do meet them, being able to truly connect with them. It's up to you to decide, but do you really want to go on always thinking that this was the best thing that ever happened to you.

 

Look at it like this, as long as you go on thinking that this the best you've ever had, or could ever had, then you will never have any better. Simply because, you're not letting yourself move on. I did not for months, until I realized that I really want to be with someone again, and won't be as long as I have convinced myself that it was so great. Better for me(and maybe you) I've got millions of reasons, memories, and painful reminders to help keep me realizing that something better is there waiting for me(and all of us), who are willing to move on. Holding on, as the opposite of moving on, gives you no forward momentum.

 

Plus, like davo said, usually once you get back together it doesn't last. Whatever the reasons were for the first breakup seem to re-show themselves again.

[ShuShu Fontana]

I've been going through the same thing, Murray. I broke up wiht my ex two years ago and have been dating my current for 8 months now. Honey, I know we don't connect like we could, and that I'm not in love with him simply because I keep thinking my ex was the greatest thing ever. Breaking up was a mistake and I have spent the last two years trying to win him back. He loves me but doesn't want to be with me anymore. But that's a long story and not meant for this post....

 

I think our love was worth fighting for and he didn't. I can't make him. Why stick around? For the chance of "maybe"? I have a lovely young man right here who wants to worship me if I would only let him.

 

The heart is stubborn, honey. But you're only hurting yourself in the long run. It's only worth fighting for if you both want to fight for it.

[davo1066]

I think that's about the size of it shu shu. Its worth fighting once in case they didnt know or believe you would. But once you have made it clear you are fighting for the relationship they have to join in by your side.

 

 

You can only convince someone of your feelings for them, i dont think you can convince them to change their feelings for you

[hurtbylove]

The worst thing that can happen is you lose your will to live without the one you love so much. Learning to let go is just as important as learning to love.

 

Sometimes things just weren't meant to be, no matter how much you want it to work. I know that I tried all I could to convince her to come back, but she isn't. I haven't talked to her in weeks, I still think of her every second. It's so hard moving on without her.

 

The problem isn't with her though. It's my own mindset that is corrupted and needs to be changed. I just can't seem to let go. It's unhealthy and it's consumed me so much that I'm not the same person anymore.

 

I almost lost myself over this relationship... I'm at the very bottom now looking up. Things can't get much worse, but they haven't been getting better yet. I don't know when I can get my act together to really become the man I need to be.

[JT]

We all go through this mess. Its very hard indeed.. if not the hardest thing I've gone through. What my relationship made me realize was that I had things I had to work on.. things I had to fix. Unresolved feelings from my childhood came back to haunt me. I decided to stand fast and fix them.

 

The problem is that you have to have a "vantage point" of something working out previously in your life so that you are able to know in your mind that things do get better. When you go through this and especially for the first time, you do not necessarily have the vantage point of knowing that it will work out in the end. This indeed can be a very scary thing. Now, with that being said, it was my first time.. my first love that I lost.. I decided to leave and it was very difficult. Whos to say I'd find someone else in my life as good? You must accept the fact that you may not, and for some this is very hard to do and I must admit I am not at that stage yet. Right now I am dealing with the sorrow stage.

 

Sometimes you must hit rock bottom in order to have a completely life changing experience. For me I was 18 when I tried to end my life for the first time. I said.. "I can die.. or I can change" Right then and there I made the decision to change. I started lifting weights, taking care of myself. Good fortune was bestowed upon me. However, I did not fix a lot of the childhood anger and unresolved feelings I had. Come 25 years of age I meet a woman who's much like my mother.. all of that resentment comes back to haunt me. Also for her, it was not a good match for me and it drove me to the point where I decided to try to take my life yet once again at the age of 26. After that the ex was there for me.. but I decided I was not happy.. it was her.. a piece of my life that I was not happy with.. I decided to change that and I left her. It was hard.. I knew in my head that this would suck. But I had to know that i could do it.. I was not going to settle for anything less than I deserved. In the end.. she may have made me kill myself for good. I will make it through this.. I accept the fact I may never find anyone in my life again.. but hey.. it beats being dead does'nt it?

 

What your going through is not a life and death experience. Dont make it one like I did. Get up off your arse.. take the blows in the stomach, the spit in the face that god is inflicting on you, and decide to make a change. Think of other things in life that were so much harder.. I imagine my family in WWII German POW camps and what the hell they went through!! to me.. everything else in life is miniscule. Some girl broke my heart.. yea it sucks. But compared to what other people go through and what I tried to do to myself.. this is really miniscule.

[sinnerboy]

hi,

 

the worst thing that can happened beside loosing someone you love, is loosing yourself. people will do crazy things on their way to get the loved one back, i thought about hurting myself so she would maybe come back and no girl is worth that.

 

 

 

"life always moves on only we stop" me

[ComputerGuy]

I am one of those that said F**k the rules and fought for it. 2 months later her and I got back together after she realised just how much she really did mean to me. We are now more in love than ever, so go for it, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain if she worth the fight

[ImpossibleDream]

But thats the thing, it is hopeless. I don't mean "Looks hopeless" or "seems hopeless" , she has made it very VERY clear that she will never have that kind of interest in me ever again, but I can't stop carrying a bloody torch for her! She's made it clear that we can only work as friends, and I've been doing well (I think) being a good friend, and a certain part of me is VERY happy with how this worked out. But as soon as I'm alone, as soon as I stop distracting myself with the rest of my life, I know that the feelings I had for her are still burning inside me. I don't want this to be an obstacle in the friendship I have with her, but at the same time I feel that if I betrayed these feelings I'd be betraying myself. It won't work, it can't work, it's never ever ever gonna happen, but I don't seem to care. Part of me seems convinced that I can live with this miserable conflict with the rest of my life as long as

a) I am friends with her, and

b) I never stop carrying that torch.

I think a way of describing my situation is "Happily Doomed". I rwally feel that the whole world can go off a do whatever it pleases as long as these two things don't change.