will you marry a women who is better than you in the same career ?

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

hey all,

my question is you as a man, say you are a dr, and she is a better dr and more well known than you, do u marry this woman and do u feel ok about it ??

[I_Speak_Jive]

I think a better question is, will she as a woman marry you and feel ok about it knowing that you need her to be inferior in principle in order to feel good in your own skin?

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

i know i might sound jealous or insecure, but my question is would u as a man feel ok about it ? and do women have a problem that there husband is not as good as them "career wise" or its ok for them ?

[LonelyPast]

I'd say it's more common for women to dismiss men based on career gaps than it is for men to feel intimidated by them. I've even seen it flat out stated on many dating profiles: "If you don't make as much or more than me then I'm not going to be attracted to you." I think it's natural for professional women to want to marry up after all the work they put into their education and careers. The joke's on them though as girls outnumber guys in graduate school these days. There won't be enough PhD men to go around and they'll eventually have to lower their standards or DIE ALONE!!!! heh, *shrugs*

[blahdeblah]

It completely depends on you, I think it's not so much a male/female thing, but just wanting to feel equal to your partner, I, as a female, would not have a problem with a partner who was less successful- I think the same goes for many women. So if it's not a problem for her, my advice would be to try not to make it a problem for you

[coolchick64]

In my past three relationships, incl. my marriage, I was more successful---in two cases we were in the same field. It caused problems all three times---once bcs I felt my partner would hold me back (first r/s of the 3, same field) and twice bcs my partner felt uncomfortable with the gap. This last time around really got to me bcs I honestly couldn't care less but it bothered him a lot.

[sunshine1]

I'd say it's more common for women to dismiss men based on career gaps than it is for men to feel intimidated by them. I've even seen it flat out stated on many dating profiles: "If you don't make as much or more than me then I'm not going to be attracted to you." I think it's natural for professional women to want to marry up after all the work they put into their education and careers. The joke's on them though as girls outnumber guys in graduate school these days. There won't be enough PhD men to go around and they'll eventually have to lower their standards or DIE ALONE!!!! heh, *shrugs*

 

What???? This isn't true at all...

[LonelyPast]

What???? This isn't true at all...

 

Maybe not overall, but it's definitely been the case based on what I've seen and heard.

[IntotheWild]

Yeah, what LonelyPast said is true. More women pursue higher education now than men. I've read studies on highly educated women having more difficulty finding partners.

 

To the OP: No way. I want a woman dumb as a box of bricks. She needs to smile a lot, hug me a lot, and be a good cook.

[FathomFear]

What???? This isn't true at all...

 

Actually I'd say that the generalization is mostly true. You see thread after thread of straight women agonizing over the financial success of a proposed husband/boyfriend, but you don't really hear about guys dumping women because they're successful.

 

Typically straight guys go after attractive women. Their level of career success doesn't seem to come into play all that much. Straight women, on the other hand, tend to worry more about wealth.

[Dako]

Most wedding vows involve dealing with adversity together. No matter what your current career is, it's not set in stone forever and either partner may become the breadwinner or idled by bad luck. If you need set roles for marriage, staying single is the best bet.

 

I tend to favor highly educated women, but I'm a moron.

[happygal]

I only would marry a man that has a better career than me. But that is why I choose not to become a career woman (and that doesn't mean I am not working), it also doesn't mean someone has to be super rich, rather driven and passionate of what they do.

Call me old fashion - I like a man to be a man - and I like to feel like a woman, for me personally I am way more satisfied to make it my job to support my man and keep him happy. I like this kind of balance.

[happygal]

Yeah, what LonelyPast said is true. More women pursue higher education now than men. I've read studies on highly educated women having more difficulty finding partners.

 

To the OP: No way. I want a woman dumb as a box of bricks. She needs to smile a lot, hug me a lot, and be a good cook.

 

 

 

And why are women that choose to work part time or choose to stay at home and take care of a man and/or family dumb?

There are many women out there that are perfectly capable of running a business, pursuing a Dr. career etc. but choose not to do that because it wouldn't make them happy. Which in my opinion is pretty smart, why do I have to prove myself - if I know what makes me happy. I hope guy's out there are not that dump thinking otherwise. You might be surprised how smart a woman working part time at your coffee shop really is. Especially the one that knows what really makes her happy - which than will make you - the guys - super happy, too.

[Momake]

Maybe not overall, but it's definitely been the case based on what I've seen and heard.

 

Yeah, what LonelyPast said is true. More women pursue higher education now than men. I've read studies on highly educated women having more difficulty finding partners.

 

I agree with LonelyPast and IntotheWild. From my experience in the corporate world there are more than a few single successful women (MBA's and PhD's) who in their late 20's now believe they are in the arena where they can only date divorced men.

 

Also, in grad school - females outnumbered males 3:1

[FathomFear]

I only would marry a man that has a better career than me. But that is why I choose not to become a career woman (and that doesn't mean I am not working), it also doesn't mean someone has to be super rich, rather driven and passionate of what they do.

 

Call me old fashion - I like a man to be a man - and I like to feel like a woman, for me personally I am way more satisfied to make it my job to support my man and keep him happy. I like this kind of balance.

 

To be honest, I don't believe the gender roles from the early to mid 20th century really have any relevance in this day and age. We have infrastructure now that allows women to be outstanding mothers while not sacrificing their careers. I don't think it's healthy to guilt trip yourself or others that to be a women is to be inferior financially to your partner. This is how patriarchy extends itself--it makes women romanticize their own subordination, such that they actually yearn to be dependent on men.

[catfeeder]

Depends on whether you harbor jealousy and resentment, or whether you love and trust this person's love for you and her generosity in helping you become a better professional.

 

Notice I didn't say 'secret' jealousy and resentment, because if it's there, it will blow out sideways when you least expect it, and that would probably not go unnoticed by someone more accomplished than yourself. This would likely put a kibosh on the whole thing anyway, so it sort of renders itself a moot point.

[pinkelephant]

it's kind of funny how most guys on here deny that it matters to them, but guys in real-life says that it bothers them. it bothered my dad, but he's an egoistic jerk. i think with the older generations, it matters... but with my generation (20somethings) it matters a lot less.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

thanks all, well it seems that there is a good chance that it would be a problem.. right now, the girl i like is not better than me, we are still in internship.. however, she goes to train in some clinic and get some money ( they are not enough to support a living, just something she gets for her effort) but it still bothers me, coz i feel she gets money now and i dont. so iam trying to find some place now to train aswell.. ahhhh

[pinkelephant]

well, you guys can both push each other. =)

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

in general, i have better chance than her.. my father is a dr too and has a private clinic that i can work in.. he is now old, and its not that successful now lol but he is a well known dr.. She is just more hard working than me i guess so right now iam searching for other places to work in..

[Lucius]

Of course I'd marry a woman who was more successful than myself. I'd be happy for her success, and proud of her achievements. Marriage isn't a competition; it's a partnership. Triumphs are a shared joy.

[happygal]

To be honest, I don't believe the gender roles from the early to mid 20th century really have any relevance in this day and age. We have infrastructure now that allows women to be outstanding mothers while not sacrificing their careers. I don't think it's healthy to guilt trip yourself or others that to be a women is to be inferior financially to your partner. This is how patriarchy extends itself--it makes women romanticize their own subordination, such that they actually yearn to be dependent on men.

 

 

Just a note: The day I decided to not pursue my career, but to devote myself to my children - I became a better mother, just because I was actually available for my children. I was the one guiding them and not a stranger (babysitter etc.), it is sad how most children grow up without their parents having "REAL" time. Most families in America don't even eat dinner together anymore

I decided to have children, so in my opinion that is my career and should be, it is my responsibility to make sure they grow up and become adults with good charakters. This is time I can never make up anymore and it goes by quickly.

On the other hand I believe it is fine if the mother pursues her career and the dad stays home as well, as long both parties are fine with that, but honestly I haven't met anyone yet where this actually will work on a long time basis. The woman feels she is missing out on being a mom, and the man feels he is less of a man playing mom. It is a vicious cycle... The idea may sound good to a guy, but in the long run....hmmmm?

Obviously that is something anyone can argue about, but those are my reasons.

[Amore]

My SO and I are both headed to the same grad school (in the same field) this coming fall. I received a full scholarship based entirely on merit, his grades/test scores were much lower and was lucky to get an acceptance. I have been a straight-A student my entire life, he has not. Because he will have an enormous amount of debt coming out of graduate school and I will not, it's not unreasonable to assume I will be making more money at the start of our careers.

 

It bothers me slightly, not because of the gender roles issue, but because I feel I will be so concerned with how he's doing in class that it may negatively affect me. I would still feel this way if our genders were reversed, however. I'm not sure how he feels about it.

 

My father, however, is very much bothered by it. I'm assuming he feels I should be in a relationship where he feels my SO will be taking care of me, not the other way around. While he has no say in what I do with my life anymore, and that it's a daddy thing - no one will ever be good enough for his daughter - it hurts that he doesn't approve.

[IntotheWild]

I really don't find it too surprising that a financially successful woman wants a financially successful man. I imagine it's a similar situation for a woman that goes to the gym all the time to stay in shape--she'll probably want the same in a man. People are attracted to those with similar interests, whether it be athletics, science, history, politics, or money.

[IntotheWild]

Of course I'd marry a woman who was more successful than myself. I'd be happy for her success, and proud of her achievements. Marriage isn't a competition; it's a partnership. Triumphs are a shared joy.

 

I wouldn't mind either, if the woman were actually not concerned with my lack of financial ambition. But I imagine that would be a rare characteristic to find in a woman who put her focus on financial ambition. It would be kind of like finding a female body builder that didn't mind dating a couch potato with a beer gut.