I know I'm doing something wrong, but keep going on.

[Len]

I'd like to start off by introducing myself, I'm an 18 year old college student who is not only confused, but knows that he's pretty stupid. The person I'm talking about is 7 years older than me, seems like a big gap, but in person you couldn't even tell he's older than me haha.

 

I met this guy in college in class and we just talked every time we had class like classmates, nothing special. Though I was attracted to his physical features, mainly his face, and a former wrestler-like body that's skinny but not boney at all. We've known eachother for more than half a year so far, seems like a fairly short amount of time, but here's the story. Making it very short, we chatted it up in class, semester ended, exchanged numbers, gone with our lives. That's how it works with most people you meet in college right? Despite that I could not stop thinking about him, knowing very well sure that he's straight with all his stories about girls he's been with and his girlfriend and all. I'm going to skip all the things in between and just say we ended up hanging out with together almost everyday for about 2 weeks, during those 2 weeks he's had the worse possible luck. He's been on probation, he had no money to pay off a loan, no money to get his car which was totaled a week before we started hanging out, broke up with his gf because she got him in a total mess and now he could end up in prison again, but this time he's innocent I'm sure of it. I helped him pay off the loan and the truck and he thanked me from the bottom of his heart and was saying how even though we didn't know each other for very long, I've been more a friend than any of his other friends.

 

During the days we've hung out there was this one day I will never forget when I was on his bed and kept thinking about him, till he looked over and me and was like "dude is that a tear drop I see? haha, what's up?" Then I slowly said, I don't know who I am..He asked what do you mean? You don't know who you are going to be? I said no. "You don't know what you're gonna do in your life?" I replied the same, then he looked at me deeper and asked "you don't know yourself sexually huh?" Then I was surprised as hell that he asked that, but didn't show it at all. He waited for an answer, then I finally said yes. He told me to tell him what I mean by that. I told him that when I see a girl, I can see them sexually, but when I see a guy, I can't see them sexually but I can see myself dating them and doing all the things I'd do with a girl but sex. But that's the thing, I was trying to limit myself by lying about the part about not seeing guys sexually, because I do. Then he asked, "Ok let me ask you this, who did you last have a crush on?" Then I was shocked, and it took me a while to answer, then I finally said "you." He said "Thanks for being honest with me." Then it was silent and he said "haha I can't believe you had a crush on me bro, but you know I can't do anything about it." "I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to tell you this." He asked "Does it hurt you knowing we can't be together?" I actually avoided this question because it hurts me so much, but I avoided the question somehow. and it lead off to me making him confused by making him think that I don't know what a "crush" is. So basically, to clear things up this is what happened. I came out to my friend, but I tried making myself come back in EVEN after he said he'd still be my friend and he will not judge me at all. and after that day, we still hang out everyday normally. I think I made him confused enough to make him think I'm very confused with what's love, crush, and such so in conclusion he probably thinks I'm asexual. Fast forward again, he's in jail now cause being accused of a crime while on probation is apparently a violation so he's in jail till they figure if he's guilty or not. but I've been visiting him weekly to check up on him. and there is not a single day that I do not think about him, whenever I do, I think about him and the girls he's had sex with and such. He was probably very popular in high school, pretty much a jock so he's had plenty of girls. I mean with that face knowing he's been with only 1 girl would be a surprise. Still, it hurts me so much, thinking that he's been with so many girls and will be with more, but he'll never be with me in that way. I should be happy enough to be a close friend, but why do I feel this, I want to stop this feeling. It's only hurting me. I want to be a close friend to him without the sexual tension within me. I care for him a lot and he treats me like a little brother, I need this tension to go away..

[lukeb]

This is a clear case of him taking advantage of you and you are kind of aware of this but you don't seem to care too much. As long as you keep bailing him out paying of his loans etc, he will keep the "friendship" going.

 

It never seems to be his fault, it is his gf that's messing him up, this time he is innocent, he has the worst possible luck, whatever. He sounds like a scumbag and a user to me. The funny thing is you are not even helping him, as long as he has you "helping" him, he doesn't have to take responsibility for his actions.

 

Cut him loose, let him take responsibility for himself, and solve his own problems.

[hexaemeron]

This is a clear case of him taking advantage of you and you are kind of aware of this but you don't seem to care too much. As long as you keep bailing him out paying of his loans etc, he will keep the "friendship" going.

 

It never seems to be his fault, it is his gf that's messing him up, this time he is innocent, he has the worst possible luck, whatever. He sounds like a scumbag and a user to me. The funny thing is you are not even helping him, as long as he has you "helping" him, he doesn't have to take responsibility for his actions.

 

Cut him loose, let him take responsibility for himself, and solve his own problems.

 

I agree completely. He's using your crush on him to his complete and full advantage.

[mdog]

^ yea sorry...i agree with the above. My boyfriend was in the same situation. He had a huge crush on his best friend. This guy would use him to get money (like to pay bills and stuff) And basically trampled all over him. They are still friends. The guy he had a crush on is a loser. he has no job and has two kids that he cant even support. He wants people to feel sorry for him. You might be tempted to do it again because my boyfriend gets tempted too. But thats usually when i step in and im like no...you dont treat your best friend like that. And I go talk to his friend and say that he needs to get a job because my boyfriend should not have to support his family. So get rid of this guy. Hes no good. He will just use you, even when you do find a guy.

 

Dont get me wrong. I love his friends kids and i babysit them when i go visit my boyfriend. I also like his girl friend, but I dont give them money regardless. I mean I have a heart, but I just dont trust people. people abuse that kind of stuff way too much. The only time I would do something is if the kids were in danger, but thats when i would get other people involved to help with kids.

[Len]

Being taken advantage of was the first thing on my mind when I offered to help him because throughout my short life time, I've been helping a lot of people and can spot it instantly if I'm being taken advantage of, but this guy, he doesn't ask for much, all he needed was a ride to places and I insisted on being his taxi. He repays me by filling up the gas with gas cards and such, so in the end, everything's evened out. The times I loaned him money, he never asked, it was me who wanted to help out because the consequence would be unnecessary if it could be void by simple means and he'd end up in there anyways, so I was easing the problem with a helping hand but I won't get into detail. But this really isn't the point, it'd be too much to explain trying to defend him, I just need help on how I can stop thinking about him all the time..there's a lot to my story, I just don't think I introduced it well and it came off as him being a user =/

[sweet_revenge]

from what you've written, i don't think it's that he's taking advantage of you, but you're just helping out a friend.

 

however, if there's no chance of this guy ever returning your feelings, maybe you should try to move on, and just think of him as a friend, or you're gonna end up really hurt in the end.

[Len]

Moving on is probably the best, but how exactly do you move on? I think about him a lot, not even sure if it's sexually anymore, I just really miss him because I haven't been able to see him for almost 3 weeks now cause visiting hours is complicated =/

[Heart On]

No one can take advantage of someone else.without thier permission.

I think what you are doing is more than altruistic.I think you are looking for some sort of 'pay off" you will never get with a straight man,with serious problems I might add.You should take responsibility for allowing him to "use" you and realize that no matter what you do for him,it won't be reciprocated.

 

I'm sure he appreciates your efforts,but is in a way leading you on to nowhere.You can choose to allow your feelings for him to guide you into more pain or you can protect yourself by simply letting his life unfold without you trying to rescue him from himself.

 

I understand the fact that you are attached to him,but if you think you are gay,it might be time to face that fully and start trying to find someone who is also gay that you don't have to 'bargan" with to return you affections.

 

Use this time he is away and in jail to get a grip on the reality that this guy is off limits to you,not your responsibility,not going to ever offer you anything but the "chase" and that you will never catch him.

 

Focus on your own life and let this one go.There are PLENTY of already "out" guys in the world not to waste you time on straight ones.

 

YOU deserve to find a man who will be on the same page as you are.

 

GOOD LUCK!