really attracted to someone at summerschool but Im shy prtII

[Newfoundglory]

I cant bring myself to do it...whats wrong with me??

[dpressedone89]

well how old is she that might be making things awkward? more info Please

-stitches

[Newfoundglory]

I dont know, I just see her on the way to class, and she is obviously attracted to me.On breaks she always happens to be near me,she looks at me in the hallway etc, I just cant talk to her, even though theres like a 90% chance.I posted here yesterday and I got good advice, but when it came down to it I just couldnt do it, I guess im just doomed to die a lonely old man...

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

You guys have a class together? That's great! Just talk to her about class, problem solved! You guys already have something in common. Ask her something like 'so, do you know when the next test is?' and then ask if she's started studying for it and say if you have and go from there. Ask how she likes the class, why she's taking it in summer school (maybe you guys had a really awful teacher before & can get into talking about that..) See how conversations flow? I know it seems tough at first..I looked over your other post & I used to have the same anxiety and would've probably been classified as having that disorder if I took the tests a few years back. But I got over it, I think this is one of those things you can solve yourself, although seeing a counsellor about it probably helps as well. Anyways, maybe if your class is talkative use that as an inspiration. see how other people are talking, as if it's no big deal and just turn around & ask her something. Or if she's not in your section, ask her in the halls. Say something like 'hey, I know you're taking ___ as well, just wondering..' Someone did that to me yesterday when I was studying in the library, it's no big deal. Or ask her for the time & then say something like 'Hey, aren't you also taking ____?" it's really not that hard. I've seen lots of guys do it & have done it myself so it's not like you're the only one out there.

 

hth. and don't practice anything, I can usually tell when a guy preps up (esp. if they're the shy type.) just think of a vague idea of what you're going to say (i.e. i'll ask her for the time) but don't practice actually saying it, it'll probably come out more awkward. I noticed the same thing in my debate classes.

 

good luck!

 

lily04

[Newfoundglory]

Nope no class with her. If I did it would be so much easier on me.Thats what my problem is, I only see her going down the hallway and I would feel very very awkward stopping and talking to her with me not even knowing who she is.She does sit at a table before school officially starts and thats when I would be more comfortable to make the attack,because the whole hallway deal is just awkward.I just dont know what to say,actually what you said is perfect to say, I just have a hard time breaking the ice.Maybe one day next week ill take a few shots of brandy before I go to school

[dpressedone89]

hey... just say hi to her sometime find out her name and make small talk. dont think youll die a lonely old man i thought that too but then i started coming out i can relax around ppl sometimes, i just had a good talk with a friend she said that no one will die alone ill find someone eventuall everyone does. its koRny but it makes since you just need to relax ask your self whats the worst that can happen she wont want to talk to you and youll be embarrassed that ll go away in like a day or less but whats the best that could happen you could hit it off and be happy together dont you think its worth the risk.?

-stitches

[northernlights]

Perfect timing with this post.

 

I'm in summer school where people are attracted to each other left and right. (summer thing, huh?) And our classes are teeny tiny...probably because it's a language school, but the biggest class has 20 people, so it's hard at first to talk to the majority of students at our school.

 

Surprisingly though, people have friends from all different classes. So you can meet this girl too, but you have to put some initiative into it. It's GREAT that you smile at each other when passing through the hall already. If you both do that, then you both know inside that there's some kind of connection already. So if you just said hi one day, she wouldn't think it weird. She'd probably be thrilled. I mean, it's a step over smiling, right? She's probably shy too.

 

This is from personal experience btw. I had the same experience, except from the girl's point of view.

 

You HAVE to initiate some kind of conversation. PLEASE. You will thank all of us. Start with "hi" in the halls. Just that. So easy. She'll definitely say hi back. She may be surprised at first since you have never talked to her before, but it will be a good surprise. (if she indeed really smiles at you) Then the nexzt time you see her, say hi again. Ask for her name.

 

Oh and please...

 

SIT IN THE SAME TABLE WITH HER.

 

Here, meals are like the core of socializing. Please please please don't sit with the same people you always do. They will understand when you move for one day. Mix and match. Meet new people. If you don't want to look desperate, talk to other people at her table too. Introduce yourself. Talk about classes.

 

It's amazing how well this works in my school. We aren't even allowed to speak our main language (I'm only a second year student in my language. Very very bad) but we make friends easily during meals and because everyone here is so open...we don't think too hard about "what if i look desperate or make a fool of myself...what if she thinks I'm weird?".

 

Introducing yourself first ISN'T first. Girls hate initiative. I love it when a guy introducees himself first. Sadly, guys these days seem to think that we're meant to make the first move, and in the end, neither makes a move. If you really want to know her, you have to make the move. Yes? Yay.

[ImShyToo]

I feel the same way as 99.9% of the shy guys on here when it comes to asking a girl out. I know everyone thinks and approaches situations differently so I'll just share my personal experience and you could take it as an advice or not. Ok here's what I do: If there's a particular girl I'm interested in I set little goals for each day. Setting goals keeps my mind focused on the motivation to accomplish my goals and not so much on the girl, which makes me less nervous around her. For example I'd say to myself, "Today I will make eye contact and smile," then the next day, "Say hi to her." On and on until I get to asking her to lunch or something. Anyways by doing this it lets me focus on my own actions, which I have control over, and not worry so much about her response. Also by breaking it up into little chunks it won't seem so daunting, like maybe for a certain day all I'd have to do is open my mouth and say hi. By the way if you accomplish your goals for the day you'll have this high throughout the day, which motivates you to do it again.

[Lily04]

Wow..

 

I just want to say I think the comments on this thread are all really nice. You guys really deserve a girlfriend, I'm sure you'll find one eventually. Just don't think about it so much & treat it like it's some big thing. I was like that too, but now I'm thinking it's not worth it so much. I have other goals, and if a guy happens to come along that's great. If not, then oh well..even if I'm 20 with a boyfriend, it won't be the end of the world. Since 18 I've been saying 'this will be the year' but nothing's happened. It's not really that big a deal, it's just that you make it out to be one because it seems like that's so important for so many others. There's other things in life, don't fret about it, life goes on..

 

that's my philosophy and I think I'm just going to keep it. I don't really want to change myself for someone, and in the end I'll meet someone who will appreciate me for who I am. I think that's most important..

 

take care,

 

lily04

[Newfoundglory]

this community gives me hope for the internet,everywhere else I went I got laughed at and flamed, thanks everyone for the great advice. read part III!!!

[missunderstood]

hey. ur right its hard too finish the job. what works for me is start talking with her about anything like hey im (ur name) whats urs? talk about thing u like to do. u think what ur going to say about asking on a date like. work talking about movies(or any date spots) into ur convo then pop the question like hey! so u like movies wanna go see (movie title) with me on friday?

p.s. dont forget paying for everthing makes good thoughts pop into her head about u also open the damn doors for her BE A MAN.

[Newfoundglory]

sigh.... the mission is dead.My "good vibes" are gone.I can tell when a person is attracted to me and when theyre not,almost 100% I am always right, its just a little gift I have, I call it empathy.sigh...and those vibes are dead! I can tell she just wants me as a friend.And im not going through that again.... loving someone forever and all they want is friendship, its tortuous and I absolutely refuse going through it again.Here comes the ironic part.... how do I lose touch with her? I want out... but I dont want their to be any hard feelings.

 

I hate my miserable existence.I HATE IT!!!!

[Newfoundglory]

damnit! wrong thread.

[Caldus]

Maybe you're wrong. Maybe she wants to get to know you more before going out with you. How do you know that she wants to just be friends? Have you heard her say that to you? Otherwise don't assume that.