big fight w/my ex, in a lot of pain, need help w/NC

[orillia]

I can't even express how much pain I am in right now.

 

My back story is that over the last few yrs, my ex and I have been off and on, mainly because he can't give up drinking and partying. The last straw was on his birthday, he had a big temper tantrum, yelled at me and called me names, threw stuff at me, etc. I SHOULD HAVE CUT HIM OUT OF MY LIFE THEN.

 

I didn't.

 

Because he seemed sooo sorry and so sad.

 

But, the day after he had this tantrum, he went straight to the bar for his birthday. So...seriously, how sorry could he be?

 

After that, I told him I could only have a relationship with him if he stopped drinking ENTIRELY, and we go to counseling. His drinking has caused me so much grief in the last 3 yrs, I cannot put up with any more compromises on this, or half-measures. Well, he did not really answer me-instead, he was texting and calling me like we were still together...he invited me out on a couple of dates. I kept trying to get him to think about and talk about, why he had so much anger towards me. He didn't really want to discuss it.

 

I stupidly slept with him a couple of times.

 

Anyway, the whole mixed msgs thing and us being not a couple but still acting like one, really bugged me, and we ended up fighting over something stupid. After that, I knew I needed to put the iron to the fire and either have it be over, or have him commit to doing what I asked him to do.

 

Well tonite, we finally had it out - he will not give up drinking. He said that he might wanna go have a beer with his dad, and he doesn't wanna feel like he's causing me pain by doing that. I think he was trying to talk me into loosening up this requirement, but I cannot do that.

 

He tried to say "If I go have a beer with my dad and that ends our relationship, it's cuz of you, not cuz of me." I hung up on him when he said this-it ticked me off so badly. I told him not to contact me anymore.

 

How could he SERIOUSLY think, that after 2 hrs of him screaming at me and throwing things at me, that I would tolerate any more drinking?

 

I then texted him cuz I had to get some things off my chest. I told him, after 100 times of being dumped just so he can keep drinking, I am totally done with him. I finally got the clue and I want nothing more to do with him.

 

I blocked him on my gmail IM.

 

It just makes me sooo angry-I know there is a man out there who can appreciate me-he makes me feel like dirt that "having a beer with my dad" is so much more important than I am. It hurts like you know what, but it's a very familiar feeling by now, given how many times we broke up and got back together over this same issue.

[fLuiD]

Family is family.

[orillia]

Um...what is that supposed to mean?

 

Family is family.

[somberchic]

I don't think the drinking is the problem. HE is the problem. You can meet a decent guy out there who will not berate you and who will not disrespect you, but who still drinks on occasion. So dump him. You don't need him. FInd someone else. I know its easier said than done, but its alot easier than trying to make something work when its apparently very broken.