If he only knew.....

[AloneConfused]

If he only knew the hurt he is causing. We have been through so much to be together. why is it falling apart? It hurts so bad it does really hurt.

 

So yeah - my life is a long story... but I have no one to talk to. No one to confide in. Yes. I'm depressed. and I want to be depressed. I want to be angry and I want to be sad. but sometimes there's no time to be so. I have a daughter and I dont want her to see me so hurt. It hurts that I have to fight between feeling my feelings and actually living. I know that I have to be sane for her. but its hard. She's in bed so yes, I am letting it out.

 

starting a relationship was not the greatest idea I've had... but when love blossoms what are you to do?

 

I was married. My marriage was sad as well. We married too young and for all the wrong reasons. He wasn't even in love with me. he was abusive and unfaithful. We ended up having a little girl, but all of that could be a whole 'nother thread. He enlisted into the army behind my back after months of him begging me about it. I knew it would be a mistake. I sent my daughter abroad so I could work and enroll in some college classes. but I was alone. and sad then too. I was also thinking that it could possibly be an opportunity to get out of the abusive relationship.

 

While being sad I had one friend to confide in. He was my husband's cousin. He was caring and sentimental and there for me. He is younger. we fell in love. I left my husband for him and we have been together since now. Its been just over three years. and I am no longer happy. it hurts. A broken heart really hurts.

 

we have been through ups and downs, no I mean it literally. but I thought we were finally at that good place... but recently it was my "woman's intuition" that started suspecting that there was something worng. we conversed constantly. I always made sure I was communicative of my feelings (good or bad). I thought that was a good thing?

 

A few months ago I asked him about some feelings I had had. suspicions that he me be being unfaithful. it seems he always had an excuse for everything that pointed out that was bothering me. well recently it has gotten out of control. He would tell me he was going one place and would be back by a certain time. the time would come and pass... he wasn't home. He wasn't calling me anymore to let me know he had had a change of plans... isnt that respect for your significant other? well it was happening more and more often. so I started monitoring his cell phone statements. I had caught him. He says he has a "friend" that has cancer and needs someonne to confide in. I'm sorry but I think she can confide in her parents or some other man. not one that is in a serious relationship. well I had had enough. this past weekend he told me he was going out that afternoon and would be back in a couple of hours. those hours came and went. and this time he wasnt answering his phone so I called another one if his friends to get the number of whom he was supposed to be with. That guy didn't answer either so... yes I may have done something stupid... but I did it. I called her. I asked her about how they knew each other and I asked her to end whatever they had "Friendship" my ass. after all... my husband cheated on me throughtout my whole marriage and then I ended up cheating on my husband with him so I think I know a bit how that business goes. so now he goes ballistic! that I had no right to call all over looking for him and not to mention calling her. then why didnt he just answer... and why lie to me so many times that you wouldnt call her anymore yet still do it every chance you get? now tonight I thought we had a good sitdown and you tell me you're going to watch a game and be home by 10... I called you at 11 and you say '''well I'm playing pool now." I knew you werent going to a game... but why do you continue to lie? I asked you for the respect of not lying to me anymore. so now I'm here... sad and alone. and confused. its 12 and I'm crying. Is this worth it ?

[Xylitol]

I don't think there's such a thing as 'the perfect person', every person will have flaws that you dislike, but there are some that are up to a point where you have to draw a line and say 'stop to here and no further', they have to be bearable.

 

Honestly when you make a mistake in your life, the only right thing to do is to turn back to the point where you went wrong in life, and then re-do it in the 'right' way so that you can become happy again. Obviously relationships aren't right for you, because you aren't 'ready' for them, nor do you have the 'maturity' to decide what a good person for your life is. And unfortunately having a child isn't a great thing when trying to get a new relationship. What you would have to find is a nice guy for whom the child is not a dealbreaker, and you need to massively steer away from guys who destroy your life.

 

Search for a nice preferably rich guy who isn't crazy,abusive, or jealous and can offer you a decent future for you and your child.

 

In the end you don't want to be with a LIAR!

[sand dollar]

Hi Alone and Confused,

 

I read your post and I am so sorry for your pain and hardships. Please take heart and know that things will get better eventually. Our lives go in cycles and things always change. I'll say a prayer for you. I know things can be difficult,but if you seek out help and answers and endure things will get better!

 

Best,

SD