Shy, never had a girlfriend, only internet dates

[madhornet]

I've never had a girlfriend (not counting a girl that strung me along for about 3 weeks), I'm 27 and had enough of being single.

 

It's not as though I haven't tried to meet people. I don't stay in all the time, I socialise with friends at the weekend and have many hobbies that I enjoy. Granted football and pool aren't generally sports women are interested in but I go walking/rambling once a week, and go out to pubs/bars and the cinema fairly regularly. I've been on a few dates, all through the internet which didn't work out but have met a few female friends who I've kept in touch with and got on really well with as a friend though never in terms of a relationship (mainly as they've lived too far away, were already in a relationship or weren't really my type).

 

I struggle to find situations in which I can meet and interact with women outside of the bar/club scene (which is rubbish anyway as I doubt I'll ever meet the right woman there). England is a bit different as coffee shops aren't really places where people go on their own and you can just walk up to someone and ask if you can join them. Being very shy myself it's very difficult for me to walk up to women and talk to them if I don't know them. It's not a problem when I've known the woman for a long time but otherwise I just go all quiet. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places for the nice, shy women that I'm sure exist but when I sum up the courage to chat to women I just get that 'why am I giving you the time of day look'.

 

The only thought I had was to join a local 20-30's walking group (being a keen walker/rambler) as they organise lots of social events as well as walking which would give me an opportunity to meet women at an activity I enjoy rather than doing something just for the sake of finding a girlfriend. If I met a couple of women and we were friends it is better that than nothing at all, though ideally I would like to find a girlfriend.

 

Any advice/thoughts will be appreciated.

 

John

[Silversun]

Hi there,

It seems to me that you talk about socialising in various places such as rambling, the internet, etc. Maybe you need to stop looking so hard, I can understand how desperate the situation may be, being single and in a similar position.

You could also think about joining dating clubs either online or ones that you have heard about through a newspaper. Is there no one at work or any female friends that live near you that you have your eye on?

The only other thing I could suggest if you want to be noticed by the opposite sex is to change your wardrobe, revamp your style and go for a new look, so people will notice you.

Turning over a new leaf may be the best step in the circumstances.

 

Good Luck, all the best and I hope I've been of some help

[madhornet]

Hi Silversun, thanks for your comments, much appreciated. I've tried the online dating club thing as well as the local newspaper option. The walking club option was to try the 'real life' option as opposed to the internet which hasn't really worked for me.

 

Maybe the stop looking approach is the best?

[madhornet]

Forgot to mention the work thing. I work at a very small company (20-25 people) so all the women are married or in a relationship already, the one girl who did join recently was 19, has a steady boyfriend (I at least made a point to ask which is unlike me!) and is far too good looking to give me the time of day anyway!

[Silversun]

madhornet

 

If I may I'd compare you situation with waiting for a bus! lol You wait for one to come and then three of them will come along all at once. So your 27, I personally think your best option is just to get on with life and hope things turn your way... If you really want some help you can pm one of the moderators, there more 'clued up' and may be much more help to you then I have been....

 

Good Luck and I hope things improve.

[VickiRose]

This is just a thought... Are you a member of your local gym... If not, then join, its a good place to work on your health and a decent place to meet women. Think about what women like do.... Like Shopping? Art's & craft classes? or whatever? Then go into those areas. Good luck on your search...

[Lily04]

Join the walking club, that actually seems like a good idea, maybe I should try something like that..except not walking for me, jogging or biking..heh. But the gym seems like a good place too..try being more friendly, striking up conversations about things. Last summer I went to the gym & some guy in his mid-30s starting hitting on me and I didn't even realize until he asked me if I wanted a ride home on his motorbike..I was like, no thanks..that could have worked out if he was younger though, and not so ugly. hmm..how did that work out..oh yeah, he noticed I was doing a lot of exercises that day & asked me something about that, complimented me I think. If you want see someone, you can go up & pretend you don't know how to use the equipment or ask them about it, how they're doing with their reps, or compliment them. I remember seeing some guys strike up a convo. and were like "wow, I can't believe you can do that, I'm having enough trouble with this. how long have you been doing that for?"

 

or try talking about something random, like the latest American Idol winner or something.

 

good luck! you can meet people anywhere, it's just a matter of making conversation I think. good luck,

 

lily04

[madhornet]

I joined a gym for a while but didn't really enjoy it that much, I prefer playing football, badminton and the like, plus living near London it costs an arm and a leg to be a member of a gym!

 

I know a lot of women like shopping and art/crafts but I don't particularly enjoy those things and trying to develop an interest in them just for the purpose of meeting women seems fairly pointless as our differing interests would mean it is unlikely to work. I would far rather meet women doing something that I have an active interest in, so there is more chance of meeting like-minded people.

 

The other option I can think of is trying to meet women through friends. I know a couple of female friends who know me surprisingly well (I met them on the internet a few years back) and they are great for providing me with advice on how to approach women. Really it is just overcoming this hurdle of summing up the courage to speak to them, perhaps just looking in their direction and smiling without staring too much and overdoing it. The hardest part for me is reading the signals given by a woman whether she is interested or not. A smile back and occasional or even frequent looks in my direction would be my interpretation of a 'come hither' signal. Is there anything else I should be looking for that might indicate interest and is it always up to the guy to initiate the conversation?

[wlfpack81]

Or you can do what I've done. Accept fate and spend time with you're favorite beer. Harsh and very unpopular suggestion but it's reality. Life isn't a movie like some of these people want to make it out to be. That "best things come to those who wait". "oh don't worry you'll find true happiness" is just a bunch of dang movie like, fairy tell driven BS that's not true in all cases. Trust me you'll be more happy when you're in a buzzed state every night and enjoying your music of choice to vent through.

[Lily04]

wlfpack, I like your thinking!! I think I'm going to adopt that way of thinking this weekend actually..

[madhornet]

Yes, now I like that line of thinking! Ignore the single bit and just have a few beers to chill out! Let em come to me and if they don't then hey it's their loss!

[Agent47]

I cant adopt that attitude. I just cant be around all that action and not do anything. And wait for them to come to me? I know for a fact that's not happening.

[madhornet]

Don't get me wrong I'm not planning on sitting in and waiting for the rest of my life, I just try to take my mind off it for a while to stop myself going to the point of insanity at the unfairness of all the arrogant blokes jumping from girlfriend to girlfriend just like that and us nice guys getting the cold shoulder because we're - well not a**holes.

 

There are times I just give up trying for a bit as women seem to have this sort of radar which detects immediately if you're desperate for a girlfriend. I also don't believe it just 'happens when you least expect it' (despite what my friends keep telling me over and over and over again). That's the biggest load of rubbish anyone can tell you and it gets on my nerves, especially when they get girlfriends as and when they want them, 'just like that'.

 

If it does mean being single for the rest of my life though it's just something I've come to expect and I'll have to accept, I think the fact that generally women depict me as ugly anyway is the main reason they grimace if I dare to talk to them.