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Just really confused...

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Ok, my boyfriend and I have been together since I was 14 and he was 15. I was raped when I was twelve and didn't tell anyone til I told him right before we started dating. I didn't really tell him any details just that I was raped when I was twelve and that I hoped he didn't expect much from me because I was really depressed. That's the last we ever talked about it. After we had been dating for a few months things were so much better and I hardly ever thought about it.


Just recently Ive started having dreams about it. I fell asleep while I was at my boyfriends house and had a dream about. He told me that I had been talking in my sleep and was saying things like "No stop" and "Bobby please stop it". I thought he would know what the dream was about because I told him what had happened but that was 4 years ago. I know that we've been together for a long time but I'm afraid if I tell him what happened he will get disgusted with me and won't want me anymore, but he keeps asking me what it was about and gets mad when I won't tell him... Should I tell him the truth??? I really don't want him to leave but I hate lying to him...

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I'm a victim of childhood violence as well so I know that first instinct to keep it to yourself, that you feel like you will be judged because of what happened. Because no matter how far in life you go, a part of you will always be vulnerable to that.


My advice would be to tell him. If you have been together for this long, maybe you should. Do you trust him? If he didn't get disgusted when you told him about it happening, I am sure he won't when you sit and give him the details.


Mine was over 10 years ago and I still have nightmares about it. They come and go and my therapist said they probably will for the rest of my life. It's always helped me to talk to those few who know about it when they start happening again. It may help you to talk to him. He can be able to help you through it, even wake you up when he realizes you are having one. OR just be there to comfort you when you do.

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I would most definitely tell him...if he is not willing enough or strong enough to handle the truth then he's not the right guy for you. I know that it's a hard decision on whether or not to tell him...but he deserves the truth. It took me a very long time to tell my boyfriend that I was raped when I was younger...and he still only knows about one of the times that it happened. But, when I told him he was extremely supportive. He cried with me and everything! I was very nervous about telling him though because I have had previous boyfriends put me down because of what happened...but I realize that it's because they were no good!


You owe it to your boyfriend and to yourself to just be honest with him.


Good luck...and keep us informed!!

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