Awkward. Need advice

[Lady_Lyla]

So I need to break up with my boyfriend. He is super clingy and it is driving me freakin crazy. I have a 1 year old and I work 4 days a week and go to school and he doesn't seem to get that I don't always have time to see him. We got in a fight about a month ago because he was complaining about him being last on my list and I told him him osryr but he is my daughter is always going to be number 1 she is my priority not him. My school work is before him as well school is very important to me because succeding in school is what is going to help ensure I am successful and can give my daughter a good life. He jsut doesnt seem to get that. When we started dating a few months ago it was fine it was nice but he wants to spend every single free moment he has with me and I need my me time too. He has no friends. I am not saying that to be mean or aggerating, he literally has no friends what so ever.

 

The thing is is that we work together. I know I need to break up with him because his drama and whining is stressing me out but I just don't know how to do it without ruining our work relationship, because we work together often. I've tried the cold sholuder thing hoping he would break up with me, because I think if he broke up with me he would think it was his idea and it wouldn't be so hard for him. if i break up with him i have a feeling he would bug the crap out of me. I don't want to be mean to him becasue we do work together and he is a good friend. And its not that i found someone i want to be with better then him. I dont even want to be in a relationship period. he is just so clingy and touchy even at work and the touchy feely stuff at work ticks me off. He jsut doesnt get it and i need a way out without screwing up our work envoirnment completely. any advice would be great.

 

Thanks

[iJester]

No way to do it and have a happy ending. Just do it and be short and direct. Do not pick his calls up outside of work.

[DN]

Children are important and they have priority but they should not have exclusive priority.

 

Telling your boyfriend that he is number three on your list was, frankly, a horrible and hurtful thing to say, even if it is true. There are far more tactful ways to have dealt with that issue. And it is manipulative and less than courageous to behave badly in order to get him to break up with you.

 

If you don't want to be in a relationship with him or anyone else that is reasonable - but at least behave in a way that is least hurtful to other people. Tell him kindly that you are sorry to huty him but the relationship isn't working for you because of your other commitments and that you're going to have to break up with him.

[coolchick64]

Yeah, don't do the cold shoulder stuff. That just hurts and confuses someone. He may break up with you, but then he'll feel guilty and unsure about that decision in addition to feeling hurt and abandoned by you. Just tell him how you're feeling and end it.

 

Actually, another thought is you could tell him how you're feeling and see if you can discuss it. I wouldn't turn it into a competition between him and your daughter. You need space. He needs reassurance. It seems like there should be a way for both of you to get your needs met. Like maybe you could contact him more throughout the day, even if you can't see him. Or you could have certain nights set aside just for him, even if the majority of the week you're on your own.

 

If you're done, I guess you're done, but this doesn't seem insurmountable to me.

[Lady_Lyla]

I didn't actually say the words you are number whatever on my list I just told him that my daughter and my school work are my priorities. And I've tried to think of ways to make this work between us but I can't think of anything that would work. He is just to clingy and needy. He also never wants to go anywhere. All he wants to do is chill at his place and watch movies and have sex. (it's been 4 yrs since that last tiem he had sex) I will suggest us doing something fun or going bowling with our friends and he never wants to I go out to the bar or club ever once and a while and I invited him to go with even though he doesn't drink just to go with and he wouldnt go. We never do anything. I don't think I should have ever gone out with him in the first place but i thought i needed to get out there and start dating again and he always made me laugh at work and put a smile on my face but he doesnt make me feel taat way anymore. He is more into this then me and thats another reason I want to break it off because he has told me on multiple occassions that I am his whole life and that he can see us married with kids in the future. And i do not want that at all. ever. I do not want more kids and i def do not want to get married, to anyone, let alone live with a guy. I can never see myself living with a man ever, I have issues i know this, i can't let a man have that kind of contorl or influence in my life ever again. I don't want to admit this to him or anyone else for that matter but i think part of my issue is that I thought i was ready to date and over my ex (my daughters father) but I don't think i really am. Its been almost 2 years but i'm still emotionally screwed up from everything that happaned. I feel like a b*tch because even though there are things that bug me about him that he can't really change it really is me that is the problem there is nothing he can change that would make me want to be with him.

Do you think I should just be straight forward and tell him or maybe write it all out and give it to him so that there is no chance of being interupted? Because I do not think even if i asked he would just sit there and let me speak i think he would try to interrupt me to try and change my mind.

[DN]

Just tell him that you need to talk without interruption and lay it all out as you have in the above post. Tell him you have thought carefully about the decision and will not be changing your mind. Do it somewhere where you can leave afterwards.

[TheJerseyKid]

Honestly it does sound like you should just break up with him. But, and believe me I'm not trying to offend, you should see look into some therapy that could possibly help with some of your issues and stresses. Sometimes things are affecting us and we aren't even aware of them. You already admitted you know you have issues, which is a huge step in the right direction. Now I think it would be wise to go about correcting them if possible!