It CAN happen. Here's feel good story...7 months later

[Esse Quam]

So, I promised myself I'd come back and share my story if it ever ended up working out, well 7 months later, I'm back. Here's how I've gone about my break up and reconciliation attempts and where I stand at the current moment.

 

October of last year I was completely blindsided by the girl I loved and was pretty sure I would one day marry. She decided to end it with me (childishly might I add as well) and I did everything, begged, threw a tantrum, showed up drunk, you name it. There was no convincing her and looking back you should never ever have to convince someone.

 

I immediately started with NC. Now I know that this is a highly debated topic here and I am a strong proponet that it is the only way you will get yourself back both physically and mentally. I deleted her facebook, deleted her gmail chat and all previous e-mails, tossed the pictures, tossed the cards, deleted her number from my phone as well and just like that she was gone from my life. I think it's pretty important that you rid yourself of as much as you can because essentially you're off to start a new life. I also told myself I wouldn't bring my relationship up with any family, friends, co-workers either as it was not moving forward for me.

 

My NC went smoothly. I crushed every urge to speak to her or to text her because there were quite a few times that happened. She also began to send cards at holiday time and text me frivolous messages as well all which went unanswered from me. Part of NC is to remain a mystery, my ex didn't need to know my whereabouts or happenings in my life, she chose to exit my life. So I went on rebuilding. At the time of our break up I was living 1,000+ miles away from my ex as my job had taken me away from her and the distance played a factor in breaking up but it also allowed me the distance I needed to gain a clean slate. I met new girls, new friends, went on dates, went to the gym, got busy at work, and my thoughts of my ex grew more distant as well...until one day.

 

It was 2 months complete NC for me until I got news that she had a close friend who had been sick during our relationship was passing away. I felt compelled to call her, maybe a bit out of weakness, but I had been asked by one of her family members to call her, odd, I know. So I did, and we spoke for quite sometime and we ended up laughing together and catching up. To be honest a lot of feelings rushed back and that was a serious fear I had but I ended up taking the chance. After that call it opened the gates in terms of contact from my ex and she would not let 5 days pass without contacting me somehow someway. Whether it was a quick stupid question/update on her friend/ or a "remember when" something always came. I left the contact at 20% me and 80% her and always made sure I ended the conversation. Never let myself to drag on or bring up relationship issues either. Just played it cool and simple although at times I was dying inside to ask her a million questions, why, how could you, are you happier now...I kept my cool, I waited before responding to her and at times didn't return her e-mails for a few days.

 

Slowly I saw her becoming more and more engaged into what I was doing in my life. I allowed her back on facebook because I could handle it now and deal with seeing what she had been up to although I made a point of not visiting her page often. Simply put the more of a mystery I was the more she became intrigued as to what I was doing in my current life. At this time I was still living long distance but had made plans to relocate a bit closer to her city as my job was coming to an end.

 

As the months passed it was the push/pull many describe here. I saw the power slowly changing hands, because I had started to care less about getting back with my ex. When we first had broken up I idolized her and turned her into a goddess in my mind. I had to constantly remind myself she had many shortcomings that I was simply not acknowledging. At that point I was seeing other people and enjoying the new life I had created and I was very protective of letting my ex anywhere near the new life.

 

In Feb I ended up seeing her and staying with one another and we kept it very simple but there was no denying feelings were very much still there. We stayed in contact and made plans to go on a quick trip together, however I decided to pull out of this due to poor weather. Out of the blue one day she called me (calls were very rare) and we spoke for about an hour and then she ended up sending me lets just call them "X rated" pictures with the caption "I didn't want you to forget"...Whoa, five months after our break up and I was being "sexted"?!? Mixed signals to say the least.

 

Anyways, we kept our contact up and I kept my part to a minimum. Fast forward to the month of April and I am being summoned to her city by her which I promptly say "No, I'm a bit busy at the moment, see you sometime soon though..." I ended up going on a trip last week and passed through her city and we caught up for a dinner, on my return I ended up doing another dinner and staying with her again, this time I know she still has feelings...it was as intimate as it could possibly could have been. I was bombarded by text to stay another night however I decided to leave and head back to my city. It was great seeing her and the contact is more day to day now she even called yesterday to just say hi and talk and tell me about her day. Are we back together, no not at all, but I think we're on the right path.

 

I don't want to sound like a pompous person at all but it finally feels as though the power has changed hands. I'm the one being perused, at least to a degree. I'm trying to not let my feelings get ahead of me, we're still talking and I've begun to open up on my side a little bit more, but I still keep my guard up. I do still have feelings for her and would like to possibly try things again. However, I've realized she's not the end all be all to my existence. I very much loved/love this girl but I also realize that life will go on with her or without her.

 

Please feel free to post any questions/comments this website helped me a great deal over the months.

[progression50]

That's great! I love to hear stories like that, look at her now! I really hope you remember those horrible feelings she gave you and I hope you are not going to let her get away with it now!?! She had her chance and she BLEW IT! The grass isn't always greener and now it's your turn. I'm not saying to intentionally hurt her but I don't think you should be there for her. Just think of the begging, the pleading, the lonely nights, the crying and the thought of hopelessness. All that B.S. made you stronger and you were able to heal. NOW she wants something? Something from you? HA! What goes around comes back around much harder!!!!

[Tangz]

Hey mate great story

[petite]

That is a great. I wish you all the best.

[Tanzi]

Its great that you have managed to turn your life around you feel more in control of your feelings and your emotions. However, I think you still need to be careful ... its 7 months on and she is still very much in your life. There is still a chance you could end up getting hurt again if things don't go the way you may well be hoping.

[Esse Quam]

Yup, I agree she still is very much around. Today was one of those no contact days, I do have to tread lightly but it's more the power change that has brought a smile to my face.

 

Just keep the emotions in check to the best of your ability.

[SolitaryMan]

Great story. The breakup reminds me a lot of when my ex and I broke up the first time, and all of the hell I went through trying to make things right and get her back. The big difference in my case was that it took her over 7 years of NC before she did come back! Of course, when she did, though, it was nice to know that she had finally realized what she had lost. But man were those ever some hard times.

 

Sounds like you did everything almost perfectly with regards to the NC. Sometimes people get carried away with it, I think, and kind of use it as a form of punishment against the other person (which usually means they're punishing themselves in the process). You used it as a way to regain a sense of yourself and learn to live again, so that you were prepared when the opportunity presented itself to handle it well.

 

I wish you the best of luck with it all.

[Esse Quam]

First off 7 years, whoa! I appreciate it. I do think people go a bit overboard with the NC and at times it does turn into a last laugh weapon. In my case I had no choice as I was a wreck and needed to pick myself up and if used like this I think its very much helpful.

 

I'm not prepared to dive into a full on reconciliation attempt yet, but I am starting to see small things from her that may suggest it's looming. I will try and keep this forum in tune as things progress and will remain distant as I think all dumpees should to a point in order to protect what they have built once the relationship has ended.

 

All the best to everyone!

[Tanzi]

I'm not prepared to dive into a full on reconciliation attempt yet, but I am starting to see small things from her that may suggest it's looming. I will try and keep this forum in tune as things progress and will remain distant as I think all dumpees should to a point in order to protect what they have built once the relationship has ended.

All the best to everyone!

 

Very wise words!

[TSandullo]

I very much loved/love this girl but I also realize that life will go on with her or without her.

 

By far the most important line in the story.

 

Nice one Esse Quam.

[michelle21689]

I really love reading these stories how the "dumpee" heals, lets go, and realizes they can live without this person and be happy. Ah, I hope I heal asap one day...this pain hurts....

[dramallama]

I am very interested to know what happened to this guy. Are you guys official yet?