My new ex wants to be friends - How do you know if its real?

[darth_vader]

Hello All,

 

I've posted before about the troubles I have been having with my girl. We dated for 4 months and had a vacation to take together today. She was distant toward me for the last month we were together and I just came out and ended it a little over two weeks ago. I could not take her ignoring attitude towards me anymore. She didn't text me or call me in the end anymore. She went on the vacation with her friend today and I stayed behind.

 

Anyway, I saw my ex last Wednesday night to exchange belongings. She did tell me before we met that she would like to be friends. We were friends for almost two years before we started dating. I didn't want to date her in the beginning because deep down, I knew we were not right for each other but eventually I gave in. We had some great times during the relationship but I think we found out that we are too alike as weird as that sounds. I also did not want to date her because I knew our friendship would be in trouble if we broke up.

 

So when we met last Wednesday, we didn't talk about the relationship or what was to be "our" upcoming trip. We sat down and had something to eat together and just talked about normal things. As I looked at her, I felt that I loved and cared for her, but I also knew we would never work together.

 

I would like her as a friend again but for some weird reason, I hurt not having her around like I did for the last 4 months.

 

Does anyone think that giving this enough time, that I could get back to the friendship I had with her due to the fact we only dated 4 months?

I love her as a friend and want the best for her but thats as far as it goes.

 

I am not sure if she has some trick up her sleeve or not. I guess what I am trying to say is, how do I test if her "friend" proposal is real or venegeful? She does text and email me occasionally as a friend now, but I just can't tell if its genuine communication. She even texted me today saying her flight got messed up.

 

I think the break up is still fresh and maybe it's too early to jump into what we had before? I guess the real test will come when she meets somebody one day and I never hear from her again. How long do you think it would take to re-establish a broken friendship with the amount of time we dated? Maybe we should not communicate for a few months?

 

Thanks for your time!

[Kumatora]

I would like her as a friend again but for some weird reason, I hurt not having her around like I did for the last 4 months.

 

Does anyone think that giving this enough time, that I could get back to the friendship I had with her due to the fact we only dated 4 months?

 

That answer really depends on how you and her have moved on without any unresolved feelings. Some people never get over it, some get over it quickly than others... I think right now you should spend some time without her so you can heal.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

She was distant toward me for the last month we were together

She didn't text me or call me in the end anymore

 

Did she ever explain why she was distant towards you and why she didn't text or call you at the end? In other words, she treated you pretty shabbily at the end.....if the two of you were friends before you started dating then why did she do an about face and treat you like this at the end? Is this the kind of person you would like as a friend? The fact that you are doubting her sincerity says a lot...it says that how she treated you at the end makes you wonder if she is the person you really thought she was. Perhaps this friendship really has run its course.

[darth_vader]

No idea why she acted like that toward me. Maybe it was the only way she knew how to get out. I asked her twice before we broke up if she had any problems with our relationship and both times she said no. The only thing she said after we broke up was:

 

"I feel like our relationship has lost spark / something and I was hoping the vacation would help us get it back"

 

I told her that it was disturbing to me to look at the vacation as a fix all and the relationship should not have lost its spark after only 4 months.

 

I didn't believe any of what she said about the spark.....

 

I hate to think it, but I wonder if her long time ex started to sniff her up or worse someone else. I have no proof of either but I do now she chats with her ex every now and then.

 

I guess it's just dissappointing when you really know a person's true colors and you just refuse to believe it.

 

I hate feeling like this....

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You had reservations about dating her...had she always been interested in you as more than just a friend or was she in between boyfriends and that is why she pushed to date you?

[darth_vader]

As far as I know, she was not with her ex or anyone else. She made the first move on me where I thought we were just hanging our as friends. I've been analyzing this 4 month thing between us for awhile and I think that she used me for sex. There was never any real warmth from her to me. I always had to force her warmth to come out. I would tell her "share your feelings with me" or "why do you want me all of a sudden"

 

What is weird is that as of today, she texts me dumb questions like, "what did my stock close at today?" or "Hey I got a new Phone today" Whats with these texts because I sure as hell didn't get texts like this in the end anymore.

 

As I'm laying out all these facts to this forum, I think Im being kept around as an F tool, and when another person comes to sniff her up, she is gone! This is why I can't figure out if her "friend" proposal is real or not.....

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I have to wonder if she was ever really a true friend in the first place given what you are describing. She sounds more like a user and a superficial person. With all your reservations and distrust of her perhaps that is telling you that remaining friends with her is not a good idea.

[geekgirl4]

I think you need more time to heal. You guys broke up with unresolved issues and within just 2 weeks, she already wants to try being friends again? Before you can face her true intentions (friend or wants to get back together), pull yourself together first. Lingering feelings will probably sway your decision (they usually do), but at least be a stronger person so you can look at both sides before reaching a decision.