losing him

[Na Zhang]

My boyfriend moved to a new city which 10 hours away by car. We haven't seen each other for two weeks. When I asked to visit him,he said it wasn't a appropriate time because he just moved there.

 

He seems very busy with looking a new job and handing out with friends. No calls or messages. When I told him that if we don't work on this long distant relationship,we will break up soon or later. Remember the movie"you are the rule,not exception." Long distant relatinship never work. People will forget each other and fall in love with somebody nearby. So I suggested that we should talk on phone everyday and at least see each other twice a month.

 

He said I was worry too much and he got a lot of work.I know I should give him space.But everything is difficult in long distant relationship. The less you see each other, the less you will think of this person when you wake up.Too many people and my own experience had proved that long distant ralationship never work.

 

I keep saying we should see each other next weekend. But he said he will see if he has time. I know there are enough signs show he doesn't care about this or no desire to see me. I know I am losing him.

 

I ask myself is there anything I can do to save our relationship. We all know the love is not anything you can do or anything you should.When it goes, we should let it go.Hurt so much.

[SocialStigma]

Adjusting to a LDR is very, very tough. My boyfriend and I nearly broke up when we first became long distance. We had been together for 2 years before going off to different universities. The first semester was really hard on our relationship because we were in the same circle of friends in high school and it was difficult to balance having time for each other but still going out and meeting new people, going to events, and developing a new group of friends without each other.

 

I personally think seeing each other every 2 weeks when you're 10 hours apart is a lot to ask for..especially if it's only for weekends, you would have to spend literally an entire day just driving. My boyfriend and I are only 3 hours apart and see each other once a month at the most. It was a big change from seeing each other everyday but you get used to it over time. However, we do talk at least once a day, and I do think talking everyday (or at least every other day) is important to maintaining a LDR. But it's not always true that not seeing each other will make you forget them, "absence makes the heart grow fonder"! It has certainly been true in my relationship, the longer I go without being with my boyfriend, the more I miss him and look forward to the next time I can see him.

 

Since he is adjusting to a new life, I think you should give him space right now. I know you miss him but wait until he settles down and gets used to a routine, because right now he has to figure out his own life, he can't be at home on the phone everyday with you.

[Sweetkisses22]

I know that you mean, I'm sort of in the same boat as you. Just not exactly there yet. This is hard and it sucks more than ever because you can't imagine losing them. Honestly there is only one way to even save this type of problem and that is by relocating. If none of you are going to decide to relocate then the relationship will most definatly come to an end. You can try and talk to him, see if he wants to be with you. Push the issue because if you don't and you wait it out it will only get worse. It seems like he already is drifting away and seems not to care because he probable knows it wont work out. Just be open and honest. Think about whether you would relocate to where he is, if you see that as a possiblility, talk about it with him and see if he wants the same thing. Good luck!

[frustrated09]

you have to be honest with yourself on this one.

one thing i remember that a friend told me once is that " you cant make someone love you, you can only be someone that can be loved."

 

only you know what are willing to give and what you expect to get back in a relationship. if this guy doesnt want you to come see him you need to be honest with him that this is hurting you....if he still pushes you away and makes excuses, you can choose to try again.

only you will know in your heart when you have been pushed to far. you need to give 100% and if it doesnt work out...well you can walk away with no regrets because you know you gave it your all