Think hes gay?

[tu444]

Well, I'm in the closet and I think my friend might be also. I like him.

Hes not a close friend, so I don't want to risk anything by asking/telling him str8 up.

Hes 17, good looking, plays sports, hangs with guys that get a lot of girls, but hes never had a g/f and doesnt really talk about girls at all. He's also pretty outgoing, so it's not like has a shyness problem.

One time he told me I have nice eyes.

He likes to touch me. Like my hands/chest/back etc. He touches me in joking ways, but I think he might be flirting. idk.. Once, he put out his hand in the hallway for a high five, and he basically grabbed my hand and held it for a couple seconds, then slowly let go.

Another time he grabbed my arms and pushed me up against a wall(not hard, i let him control me basically) and he just held me there for a couple seconds, and we both awkwardly laughed.

Some of the things he says to me sound flirty.

 

I can't tell if he's trying to flirt with me/drop hints to me, or if hes just a "different" straight guy. I'm getting a vibe that he might be in the closet, but I know I could be wrong.. What does it sound like to you?

[ceez]

I would try to be closer friends and try to find out if he's gay friendly. sounds like he could be in the closet though.

[Curious C]

My suggestion: do the exact same things to him that you think he is doing to flirt. He won't think it's weird since he's been doing it to you; if he was flirting, you might learn a secret.

[sweetguy88]

do all the stuff he did to you and see how he reacts tell us what happens

[tu444]

Thanks guys, I'll try to do some of those things back to him. Anyone else?

[tu444]

---bump---

[hexaemeron]

Questions like this are almost impossible to answer correctly. It's not an exact science. He could be as much as he might not be.

[Kember]

Its not a very easy situation.. Trust me, Im in a similar one. Me and this guy grew up best friends and we actually hooked up a few years back but we never admitted to eachother that we are gay. Now he continues to claim that he is straight and recently had a girlfriend. Im torn because I have feelings for him and I dont know whether he is actually gay or not. He does the same flirty things that your guys does, so I'm pretty sure he is gay, its just finding a way to confront him about it. (Sorry about my life story.. thought it may give you a different perspective)

 

Anyways.. what I would do in your case is find a less pressuring way to talk to him (such as facebook or AIM or even texting). Casually ask him if he likes any girls or what he finds attractive in girls. If he starts talking alot about women.. he may not be gay. But who know, I know alot of gay guys who date or dated girls before they were out (including me). He may not be comfortable with being gay yet. Eventually.. if you still think he is gay, maybe come out to him and see how he responds. You could also ask him if he is gay. If he comes out to you.. wonderful!! Problem solved.

 

Biggest advice: I have been dealing with my situation for years. Dont just sit around and wait for something to happen because you may lose your chance. Go for it and really.. what is there to lose??

 

I hope this helped.. Good Luck!!

[tu444]

^

Thanks for the reply. I'll have plenty of opportunities at the end of the summer and in the fall to develop a better relationship because we both play football so we'll see eachother almost every day.

 

Right now it's pretty stagnant though. We only see eachother around school sometimes, but we aren't in any of the same classes or lunch so we can't ever just sit and converse 1 on 1. We always say hi and smile to eachother in the hallway and make good eye contact though and sometimes chat a little, but not about anything too serious or personal. We also hang out with different groups of friends. It's weird in my school. People mostly only hang out within their "groups" outside of school. If I was to ask to hang out with him at this point it would definitely seem creepy/gay if he doesn't like me the same way I like him.

 

My take on the current situation:

I think there's a pretty good chance he's into guys, but would probably never come out, at least in high school. He has a lot more to potentially lose than me if he comes out and I don't even want to until after high school. His good friends are more clique, and homophobic than mine. He's more popular.

 

This also makes me question whether or not he would even come out to another closet gay guy(me) if I came out to him, because he probably isn't very comfortable with himself right now. (assuming he is gay)

 

On a random side note, his friends were making fun of him for being the only virgin in their group and he was just quiet. After he walked away, friend A says to friend B. "Think hes gay?" Friend B says in a funny voice "hes not gay, he just doesn't talk to girls". Then they laughed.

Oh and apparently he has an obsession or what his friends call a "man crush" on a pro football player and has a pic of him shirtless next to his bed and always talks about him. Another thing his friends make fun of him for.

 

Wasn't too sure what to think of this. So even his straight friends are a little suspicious.

[tu444]

anyone have thoughts?

[chiefoptimizer]

There's one way to find out. You don't need to do anything drastic though, just return some affection next time he does something. Like, lean your head over his shoulder, or hold his arm or something for a short while, and smile lots.

[tu444]

So, today I was pulling out of the parking lot after school and I spotted him getting into his car. He also saw me and blew me a kiss as I was driving by...... I was kind of shocked like omg did that really just happen? and just smiled back. I know I should have winked or blew him a kiss back or something but I just didn't react quick enough.

 

It was totally unexpected, and I don't really know what to think about it..... I mean, he could have been kidding but really..... idk..

[brueges]

Wow, I don't think many straight guys would blow kisses... or keep a pic of a shirtless player by his bed!

 

Maybe you can make plans with him some night and not come onto him, but flirt a little.

[tu444]

Wow, I don't think many straight guys would blow kisses... or keep a pic of a shirtless player by his bed!

 

Maybe you can make plans with him some night and not come onto him, but flirt a little.

Yeah I thought it was really random and odd. I've never seen a straight guy do anything like that unless it was 100% clear that he was joking and he did it with a straight face.

 

I'd like to get to know him a little better before asking him to make plans. I think it would sound kinda creepy right now if I asked, but I will see him quite a bit over the summer and in the fall because of football.

[tu444]

I have a good update. Tell me what you think after reading this:

 

So, we've been talking some more on facebook over the last couple weeks mostly about football, school and some other stuff. Then Monday he tells me that his mom was gonna be gone Wednesday night so he was gonna have a couple friends over and he invited me and said we were gonna smoke.

 

Here's what happened last night:

 

I got there and there was a mutual straight friend of ours over. We all talked for a little while and then we went out back and smoked up. We all had the munchies so we went to taco bell, ate, and laughed our asses off at random stuff.

 

We got back to his house and he wanted to show me some funny videos on his laptop. He sat on the couch, and our friend sat on the chair and started watching tv. So I sat on the couch next to him and moved my arm up against his. Within 30 seconds he moved the rest of his body over so that the whole side of our bodies were touching. We were both wearing athletic shorts that ended before our knees and small t shirts so a lot of skin was touching. We sat like this for like 15 minutes watching random funny vids, then I got up to go to the bathroom. I came back and sat next to him again so that our arms were touching. Again, within 30 seconds he moved the rest of his body over and we were pressing against eachother. It felt like we were glued to each other and we sat like this for another 20 minutes or so all while our straight friend was on the chair a few feet away from us watching tv. I was so turned on.

 

Then my parents called and told me to come home soon because my last day of school isn't until Friday. I let him know that I had to leave soon and he told me to sleep over. I would have loved to, but my parents would have been rip * * * * if I didn't come home on a school night. So I'm about to leave and we do the "peace out" hand shakes that everyone does. When we shook hands we held on to each others hand for a long time and slowly let go. Then I went on my way.

 

 

It was a good time, and I have no idea what would have happened if there wasn't a straight friend over. I want to hang out with him again soon, hopefully alone. The little uncertainty that I have is bothering me though.

[catee223]

Holy crap, I think you may have a winner here! The touchy-feelyness, the supposed picture of the shirtless football player in his bedroom, blowing the kiss, watching videos while sitting super close to each other, the sleepover request BY HIM! Seriously, you're like about to win the jackpot. However...

 

I think he may dig you and seems curious to fool around, but you have to be careful. High school is definitely one of the toughest times for people to come out, and it's the time when emotions and feelings may constantly change. He may be interested one day, then blow you off the next. It's hard to tell for sure what he's looking for. It could range anywhere from just a friendship to an intimate relationship. I wouldn't make a move on him right away, unless of course he takes initiative. Maybe you can initiate more conversations with him electronically, and when you feel comfortable, ask him to hang out just the two of you. From there, when you feel it's the right time, consider coming out to him and hope he'll do the same. Also, like ppl have been saying here, flirt with him a little and see if you can reciprocate any of the same affections he does with you. Good luck and feel free to PM me if you want!

[brueges]

Sounds good and promising. I don't remember sleeping over my friends' houses all that much in high school... at least past 9th grade. Try to initiate plans with him again soon... hopefully when that other dude isn't there! Good luck and enjoy it.

[XxPKMNxX]

Wow, sounds good!

Just dont blow it by doing something like spontaneously kissing him, although you want to ;-)

Just keep cool and good things come to those who wait!

[tu444]

Thanks for the replies. I'm trying to take it slow and not do anything stupid.

Since the night at his house I'm starting to really think he is in the closet. Any straight guy I know, would pull away or at least not initiate further contact after our arms were touching. I would even move over a little if it was a guy that I wasn't attracted to and our arms were touching. It's just awkward.

 

Lately, we've been talking more on facebook. Not about anything too personal or specific. He usually seems to find me as soon as he logs on and we chat for a few minutes, but I guess we just don't know what to say to each other after a little while. I saw him today for a football meeting thing, and we brushed our arms against each others purposely and talked for a bit. I swear that all the casual touching of eachother is our little way of flirting in public, because we always do it. I guess I could be wrong though.

[catee223]

Sounds good Like we've been saying, just take things easy and it sounds like you're doing that quite well so far. One suggestion I have if you want to keep conversations going a bit longer online is to maybe play some online games together. Find something you're both into playing (could be shooting games, sports games, board games, cards, etc.). Yea, it may seem a bit cheesy; however, not only does it let you know what you have in common with him, it could also lead to some massive teasing and flirting, especially when you play against each other and he's the competitive type, hehe.

[tu444]

Alright I have another update:

 

We've still been talking on facebook a decent amount.

Last night he called me at 10pm and...

Him: Come to my house. We're getting high as hell. My mom isn't here tonight. You got any weed?

Me: Alright but I don't have any right now.

Him: That's ok, we'll pick some up when u get here. "Friend 1" and "Friend 2" are also here. Bring a lighter if u have one.

Me: See u in 15.

 

From now on, I'll refer to him as joe. It's me, joe, friend 1, and friend 2 at his house. No one else was there and I know that the two friends are straight. We're all 16-17 btw.

 

So, I get there and we call like 30 different people and no one is answering but we finally get someone that has weed at like 11:30pm. We go pick it up a few streets away and go back to his house. As we're walking through the front door, he pinched my ass for no reason. I didn't do anything back because there were 2 straight guys right next to us.

 

We started smoking out of his sister's bowl on his porch. Joe sucks at smoking and I had to hold the lighter for him every time he hit it. We ended up smoking a pretty good amount and all got baked. By now, it's around 12:30am. We started to eat all of Joe's food and he was getting worried that his mom would know what we were doing once she finds that we opened 3 bags of chips, ate a box of poptarts, oreos, and drank a gallon of iced tea. We just kinda laughed and Joe didn't really care that much.

 

Three of us were on the couch and Friend 2 was on the chair next to the couch. Joe started singing some gay songs, and Friend 2 says "Is this your gay side showing?" Joe just replied "No" and left it at that. We were talking about random stuff making jokes and we started watching tosh.0. There was a gay video joke on the show and I swear he was watching me trying to see my reaction. Not quite sure though.

A few minutes later, Joe says out loud "You know what's awesome when you're high? Masturbating." We all agree with him and then Joe says "You guys want to do it?" Friend 1 and Friend 2 are just like "uhhhh no..." and change the subject.

 

After that show was over, we put on the movie "Funny People". It's like 2am now and we are starting to fall asleep. At one point me and Joe stared into eachothers eyes for a good 5 seconds or longer and he says "don't look at me like that" in a joking way. I say "ur the one looking at me". We all end up passing out in his living room by around 3am. I set my phone alarm for 10am because my parents wanted me home early because we are going to a family get together around noon. Friend 1 already got picked up at 9:30 and me and friend 2 woke up at 10. Joe was still asleep on the couch. Friend 2 asked if I could give him a ride home when I leave in 15 minutes. I woke Joe up to tell him we are leaving and we say goodbye. Joe went back to sleep and I dropped friend 2 off and went on my way home.

[catee223]

Dude, seriously, you gotta spend time with him when no one else is around! Keep us updated!

[brueges]

I agree with catee. Can't you think of something that gets you guys together one-on-one? Have him over some night to play video games or work out together?

[FathomFear]

Just a general question--why are you hoping to pursue any sort of relationship while in the closet? I can tell you right now that it's going to be more painful and frustrating than not being in a relationship at all...

[Luna Sea]

I've read enough slash fanfics (and real life experience of course ) to say that there's definitely some type of attraction going on. And like others have said, get some alone time!! It seems like you're good at pacing yourself testing the waters, so trust your judgment and do whatever you need to do to know him better. Although, don't forget to guard your heart also until you're absolutely sure you can come out to him without jeopardizing your friendship. Depending on your school, the kids may not be so accepting of homosexuality.