Sick of this and scared...

[Eclipse11]

Hi everyone...

 

Hope this doesn't seem exaggerated to you but I've just walked home crying, I was so upset...I am so tired of this...

 

I have explained and told my ex-boyfriend over and over that I no longer wish to be involved and gone over and over the reasons...I haven't given him mixed messages, haven't encouraged him with texts...

 

It took me one weekend then another weekend to actually do it properly, get away and leave...

 

Then he wanted to meet me last week, I postponed it, now I postponed it again, I texted and said I was sorry, but didn't think it would be for the best but it would be nice to see him in a few months...

 

He phoned back, I said how sorry I was, that I still cared, was sorry I was hurting him, couldn't make it better, thought it would be better for him if he moved on...

 

And he says to me "what goes around comes around! Maybe someone will come along and break your f****** heart one day"...I said I'd better go now and he said I think you better had...

 

Then I just started crying...I guess anger is the natural next step after denial but I was still upset...

 

I definitely just want to cut off all contact now - I have a scared feeling as well...( but that's probably because of violence in the past )

 

And I am sick of the unending guilt trips...

 

Eclipse x

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Why did you tell him it would be nice to see him in a few months if you are that scared. I don't know your story but it sounds like you ended things with him because he was abusive. By agreeing to meet with him you gave him some hope that things would get back on track..then by continuing to postpone it you are creating drama for him that will of course make him angry. Then you tell him you would see him maybe in a few months. You are doing what many dumpers do...send mixed messages..and that is why he reacted angrily. If he is someone who can get aggressive then you should not be giving him any kind of false hope and you should not be telling him you love him.

[jenna-is-here]

Hello -

 

I am sorry you are going through this. I have dated guys in my past where the more I pulled away the more they chased me.

 

It sounds like in this case you need to establish "No Contact" right away. Dont answer his txts or calls - it has to be for your sake. His behavior sounds irrational and he is acting out.

 

Are you scared he may do something to harm you? Physically?

[shessofly]

Why did you tell him it would be nice to see him in a few months if you are that scared. I don't know your story but it sounds like you ended things with him because he was abusive. By agreeing to meet with him you gave him some hope that things would get back on track..then by continuing to postpone it you are creating drama for him that will of course make him angry. Then you tell him you would see him maybe in a few months. You are doing what many dumpers do...send mixed messages..and that is why he reacted angrily. If he is someone who can get aggressive then you should not be giving him any kind of false hope and you should not be telling him you love him.

 

you are giving mixed signals. just stop communicating with him. you don't need to explain anything else to him. if he's physically abusive and scary acting, block him and/or change your number.

[Eclipse11]

Thank you for your insight ladies...I will write back later with more, I'm grateful for your replies...

Another text has come now saying he doesn't want to part on bad terms, still just hurting, thought he had found his perfect lady now he's lost her, still loves me, always will...better to ignore? I will try my best to do it...though it's so hard...

It was like he had two sides and since we broke up he's been showing me the good lovely side yet there was definitely another side to him which I think he would rather I forgot and he's trying to make me forget...

He was more emotionally abusive really, I could never speak my mind to him...there was just one incident, when after a day of not speaking and quarrelling he sped the car at high speed along the road which was scary...it was all so confusing, he could be warm, lovely and kind but on the other hand mean, disregard my feelings and always take other people's sides, never see my point of view...

I suppose it's natural for him to be annoyed with me arranging then postponing meetings and everything, guess I am messing him around without meaning to...I've just met enough nutters already and don't want to meet another...so I'm hoping this won't get worse, I'm just sure another text will come then another...

Eclipse x

[Eclipse11]

Feeling a bit better now...looking around this forum, of course it's natural to go through an angry stage...but I still have this urge to speak to him...how can I just stop speaking and cut somebody out...I don't feel like I can do it...I hate that I cannot make anything better, all I can do is pray and send out good thoughts at night...even just now, he told me that he hasn't been sleeping or eating which made me feel worse...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If you made the choice to end the relationship then it would be best for you to cut things off completely until both of you can heal. You broke up not because you don't love him, but because he didn't treat you right. He knows that..now you have to show him that you mean what you say..it is over. Continuing to be in contact with him shows him that it is not over even though you say it is over.

[Eclipse11]

Thank you Crazy...it's all true, though I denied it at first, he didn't treat me well, he treated me very badly really ( I made a list of all the things he did to remind me )...your words make perfect sense

 

Part of me doesn't feel like speaking to him anyway after what he said - and I still feel a bit surprised and shocked... thanks Eclipse x