jack91 Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 Hey folks, I have a very strange situation here it must be said. I have been with this girl for nearly 4 months, and everything is great between us. On the first month of dating her she told me that she does certain things with her best friend from university. Now at first I was shocked and thought ok fair do's, whatever floats your boat kind of thing. I witnessed them both doing things once in my house and thought it was interesting but quite strange at the same time. As time went on and especially now, when I am working and she is staying over at her house in the next town I can't help but think whats going on back there. The girl she does it with has a boyfriend who watches them sometimes and they have been happily together for 4 years but he doesn't mind it. I asked my girlfriend if she is bisexual or a bit confused in terms of sexuality, but she said no shes just curious and having a bit of "best friend fun". My girlfriend said if i don't like it she would stop. But I remember the girl she does it with saying to me a while ago that if i didn't like it I don't deserve her. So I don't want to say it affects me because then I would be seen as the enemy. I said to my girlfriend its strange someone else being intimate with you when its usually me, but she said its nothing intimate at all and just a bit of fun. Does anyone know if this is normal behaviour or? I feel sick sometimes for some reason, being a male I thought id love it! But no I don't seem to be able to like it. Any advice would be appreciated, thanks a lot. Jack Link to comment
Karibo Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 She's basically cheating on you if you don't like it, no matter if it's a woman or a man. You feel sick, so that means you don't like it. The friend only said that you wouldn't deserve her if you protested because she wants to continue doing this with your girlfriend! If your girlfriend wants to keep doing this, then she shouldn't have to stop doing it, but that doesn't mean you should stay either... Link to comment
jack91 Posted May 13, 2010 Author Share Posted May 13, 2010 Thanks Karibo I never looked at it in that sense. Its cheating in a way I admit that, but if its general fun is it malicious? I mean in the way that do some girls like to do that? If it was a male then yes I would be straight out. But they are both friends from uni on the same course and only do that when drunk and are together obviously. I want to understand the nature of why 2 women would do that when both of them are in happy relationships if you get me Link to comment
Karibo Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 They do it because they enjoy it, but the point is, if you aren't happy with it, then you should end things with her in my opinion. It's not use trying to rationalise it, you still don't like it at the end of the day. Would you expect her to be okay with you doing sexual things with another guy and letting his girlfriend watch. (Before you say, "I wouldn't do that anyway", think about the point i'm trying to make). Link to comment
jack91 Posted May 13, 2010 Author Share Posted May 13, 2010 I totally understand where your coming from yes. I will probably bring it up tomorrow with her thanks and give her that scenario, and how would she feel about it. If she says she wouldn't mind then I suppose it would totally come down to my personal preference on what she does I guess? In the sense of leaving her which is the very last option I want to take. Link to comment
Lucius Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 Unless she's comfortable making the relationship an open one (for both of you, not just for herself) then this is not a fair situation. It's certainly not something I would tolerate. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 She was up front about her lifestyle, so you really have no right to complain now. Don't expect her to change either. This is something way out of my comfort range, but I would have been out of there the first time it was mentioned. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 To her credit, she told you all about her "friend fun" when you first starting going on. What you could do it talk with her and explain that you are developing more feelings for her and you would prefer a monogamous relationship where you are only intimate with each other. If that doesnt work, then propose an open relationship where you can date other women too. If that doesnt work, I'm out of ideas. Link to comment
AbombSnowMan Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 i think the only reasonable compromise is that she let you in on the action too or stop altogether! Link to comment
regular joe Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 To her credit, she told you all about her "friend fun" when you first starting going on. What you could do it talk with her and explain that you are developing more feelings for her and you would prefer a monogamous relationship where you are only intimate with each other. If that doesnt work, then propose an open relationship where you can date other women too. If that doesnt work, I'm out of ideas. I have to agree with Catdancer on this one. If it's not for you than that's for you to decide what you need to do. Maybe make it a poly relationship, the three of you. Most of all I am impressed that you left her (Catdancer) almost speachless, that doesn't happen often. lol, just kidding Cat. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 I have to agree with Catdancer on this one. If it's not for you than that's for you to decide what you need to do. Maybe make it a poly relationship, the three of you. Most of all I am impressed that you left her (Catdancer) almost speachless, that doesn't happen often. lol, just kidding Cat. lol...speechless..hmmph! I didnt want to post the usual "if that doesnt work break up with her" that most people post. lol that was the last idea I had left. ](*,) Link to comment
jack91 Posted May 14, 2010 Author Share Posted May 14, 2010 Thanks very much for all the advice, very appreciated. I spoke to her about it and she could actually tell it was getting to me, and agreed not to do in in future. Thank you Link to comment
Longview01 Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 Thanks very much for all the advice, very appreciated. I spoke to her about it and she could actually tell it was getting to me, and agreed not to do in in future. Thank you Worked out well then See ya in a couple of weeks when you suspect she is still doing it behind your back Link to comment
generaldiscord Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 You are lucky that you have a girlfriend that told you what was going on, and asked you if it was ok with you, and even offered to stop. It's not cheating until you say it is, so you should tell her, as gently as possible, that you've changed your mind. Link to comment
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