How badly did I mess this up?

[MisterE]

I allready know the answer, and it is probably not as bad as I think.

 

So my girlfriend of a year broke up last weekend. The reasons for breaking up were because she seems to be dealing with some form of depression - usually it is triggered by her job, or being broke, normal things like that.

 

The depression lead us to break up because of the way she deals with it. Whenever she goes through these stages she pushes everybody close to her away and wants to be totally alone. I absolutely get that. Everyone needs their space. She wants to go on a "break" every time she gets upset.

 

Now, maybe it is a character flaw of mine and I probably am a little too clingy and didn't give her enough space. But the idea of going on a "break" really bugs me. I'm a pretty firm believer that in serious relationships you're there for the good times and bad. It really hurt that she pushed me away whenever she was upset, and then when she was happy again everything was back to normal. I felt like I was a fair-weather boyfriend and it sucked.

 

During our first week or so apart I really started to understand that's how she is, and probably will never change. I also realise that she is going to have to get over her depression if she ever wants to be together again.

 

Now, when we broke up we said that we still love eachother (which we do) but that neither of us is in the proper head space for a serious relationship. We left the door pretty wide open for getting back together.

 

My big mistake was initiating contact with her too soon after the fact. She said that talking to me or seeing me right now is too painful and won't help anything. I agree, and i'm committing to a month of no contact starting right now.

 

In your guys experiences, when you have a breakup that is generally pretty "nice" does initiating contact with her and asking to get back together hurt your chances of getting back together in the future? Or does time heal all wounds.

 

Anyways, the way I look at it is that if it was meant to be. It's meant to be.

 

Just had to get alot of stuff off my chest.

 

Thanks

[DN]

If she is going to act like this every time she gets depressed and isn't doing anything to get the depression under control she is not someone with whom you should be in a relationship. My advice is to move on and find someone less problematical - she is going to break your heart over and over.

[MisterE]

You're probably right.

 

I was probably just holding onto the idea of staying with her because she was my first serious relationship.

[iJester]

Yeah, leave this girl alone. My advice is always find a new girl to clear your head, and maybe this one will come back to you on her own and you can decide then what you want to do.

[XxJustMexX]

I'm in the EXACT same boat as you. Ex boyfriend of mine has major depression issues tied to being bipolar and decides he wants to break up during an episode... He's currently "waking up" from his episode and trying to contact me again. I personally do not want to deal with his roller coaster ride if he's going to treat me this way and refuse help... He's a good person. Actually, a GREAT person. But even a great person who refuses to seek help for his issues can bring you down. He was the one that initiated the break-up therefore I respect his wishes and I've moved on. I did try for a couple months to let him know that I would be there for him, but he refused and wanted space... That's exactly what he got.