I really need some opinions on my situation.

[goldfish box]

A little background:

 

Me and my guy have been together for 2 years. We don't live together. I live w/ my parents and he lives by himself; I am over there a lot.

 

In the past 6 months or so, our relationship has really gone downhill. Everytime I want to talk about something regarding our relationship, he gets so angry. He blows up and usually hangs up on me. I feel like I have to constantly walk on eggshells around him. Lately when we've been arguing, he says oh I'm done w/ you, I wanna break up, and then the next day he seems to expect things to be fine. Okay, yeah, when we argue, I do expect things to blow over and be fine the next day (usually). But when you tell me you're done w/ me, cuss at me, and then hang up, no, I'm not going to be okay w/ that the next day... That's what's making me not want to get back together. We are broken up as of 2 nights ago, when he said the things I described above. The night we broke up, we were arguing. Here is what we were arguing about: My really really good friend moved back here after being gone for 2 years. My boyfriend was also pretty good friends w/ her, but definitely not as much. She and my boyfriend used to like each other (before he and I started dating). When she came back, my boyfriend said that he wanted to start hanging out w/ her again like they used to and I told him that it makes me feel uncomfortable that he wants to hang out w/ her one on one. He got angry about that, but we didn't really talk about it. I feel uncomfortable because I don't want his feelings for her to start again. The night we broke up, this was brought up again. He was drunk and started going on about how I f***ed his friendship up w/ her and said I'm done w/ you, told me f*** you multiple times then hung up on me.

 

This is an issue w/ me, because he says that he wants to be able to hang out w/ his one of his good friends after she's been gone for so long and that it's BS that I'm not okay w/ it. The problem I have is that while she was gone, he made no effort to talk to her AT ALL. So, I don't understand why all the sudden when she comes back, she's your best girl friend again when you haven't even talked to her! I asked him why he wants to hang out w/ her so much when we all still see each other at least a couple times a week and he says that hanging out at a party is different from hanging out one on one. This deeply upsets me. He says that it's unfair because I used to live in Portland and I still visit there 2-3/year to visit my old friends. My best friend is a guy that lives here. He says it's unfair because I get to go see him. But I feel the difference is that I don't go JUST to hang out w/ him... I hang out w/ him and all my old friends from there. and when I do hang out w/ my best friend, we usually go meet up w/ different people. We don't really hang out one on one and I don't insist we do, like my boyfriend does. He says it pisses him off because I lost my virginity to him, but me and my best friend have NEVER liked each other. I said that's different because he and the girl actually really liked each other. and I've known my best friend for 7 years and we talk often.

 

Another thing is that when he gets drunk, he gets very angry towards me. The other night, we had both been drinking and started arguing. He got heated and punched his clock radio and said shut the f*** up or get the f*** out of my house. I can now understand why some men hit their wives... I started crying and slept on the couch that night. That deeply upset me. and a couple of nights before that we were talking on the phone and he threw his phone against the wall and broke it.

 

I heard another thing from my best friend (a different one that lives where I live). Her boyfriend and my boyfriend are best friends. I guess my boyfriend told her boyfriend that we broke up but that it's not final. This upsets me because I don't think he should be allowed to just say things like this and expect me to get back together w/ him.

 

Anyways, he called me last night (not drunk) and said that he loved me, he wants to give it one last chance, and apologized for the way he's been for the past few months. He said that he knows he's been rude to me and because he is so irritated by me he finds little things to get angry at me about. and I don't understand why I irritate him so much. The last time I irritated him was because we were drunk at a party and I was giving him lots of kisses and he said that I was being clingy and annoying for that and to not kiss him so much... I felt embarassed and unwanted. Well anyway, last night he asked me to come over today so we can talk about things, and I said probably not... I need more time. When we were about to hang up he said I love you and I didn't say it back.

 

Here's my question: do I go and talk to him? or do I cut him out of my life?

 

Thank you so much for your input!

[OccultFigurine]

His behaviour is out of control. I find it worrying that his excuse for his behaviour is that you 'irritate' him. By doing what? From what I can tell ,by doing the things a normal GF would.

 

So he apologised, how does he propose to stop this in the future? It sounds as if he's expecting you to change and somehow be less 'irritating' (I'm not suggesting you are btw!)

 

I don't think he realises that its *him* thats the problem. For that reason I would suggest you part ways.

[shessofly]

this sounds like a toxic relationship to me. i think it's best ended, honestly, but apparently you want to keep it going.

 

why is it okay for you to hang around someone who makes him uncomfortable, but it's not okay for him to hang around the ex girl? you had sex with your best friend, but you never liked him? (i'm pretty sure that's what i just read) ok....that's not really fair but besides that your relationship sounds really unhealthy.

[goldfish box]

shessofly,

 

You bring up a good point. I find it weird that he claims that she is a really really good friend of his when he made no effort to talk to her at all after she moved and they haven't talked for 2 years and he insists that he should be able to hang out one on one w/ her. I have known my best guy friend for 7 years and if he had a best girl friend and they had been best friends for that long and he wanted to visit his old friends and the girl, I would be okay w/ that. But I see where you're coming from.

[doejan]

He's violent.

[Edward85]

Look the first question is not, should you go talk to him or not. It do you want to be with him. I think you both need to step back and look at what you have. In other words tell him, You need space, tell him he can date other people, tell him he can still call you, and you both can still be friends. But here the catch. If you wanna be with him, you tell him all of this but do none of it, if he calls u you don't pick up, you wait for the 3rd call, and you only stay on the phone for just a little, cause you have to be always on the go, this will show him that you are not just tied down to him. You will need to be strong. " If you love something let it go, and if it comes back to you, its forever yours." that would be you, and for him " You never know you love someone, till you lost them." things will be fine, just remember, you have all the power, it all just a mental thing. if you want more advice from me, just let me know. I'll check with this again later. till then take care.

[goldfish box]

I want to say thanks to the people that have given me feedback. He's called me a couple more times and he says how much he loves me, misses me, etc. but I told him at this point, I don't want to talk to him for a while. I asked him to not call me for at least a week and that I need my space and don't want to get back together w/ him at this point. I am glad I am sticking to my guns... it is hard to, but I'm doing okay.

[mikem]

I'd get out of this relationship with this guy as soon as possible. He's the guy that doesn't like to call you back, right? I'd move on. He's violent and it's clear he wants to hook up with that old 'friend'. I'd move on quickly. This guy isn't worthy of you and he's not worth your time.