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Father's death and sibling problems

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Hi Folks,

I'm new here and need some advice, support, something.....hard to know what you need when you're grieving. Long story short: my father passed away 3/14/10 from lung cancer that metastasized various places, most seriously his liver. We only found out about the cancer 12/09, so his decline was very rapid.


I have 1 younger and 1 older brother. Younger brother is mid 30's and has never held a job for more than 6 months and has struggled with drug addiction his entire adult life. Older brother is late 40's and the black sheep of the family. Loud-mouthed, bully, redneck....makes Larry the Cable Guy sound like a Rhodes scholar. I'm the responsible middle child; college-educated, bank senior vice president, married to a pretty elementary school teacher. Some of the seemingly few fortunate things is that our mother is in good health and Dad left her very secure financially (though not wealthy by any means). Also, my younger brother is staying clean, gainfully employed, and has been a real champ through this whole ordeal. I pray that his turnaround can be the one good thing to come out of Dad's death.


Now on to the problem, aside from the already difficult process of grieving. My older brother and his family were AWOL when Dad's condition became grave, although they live within a 20 minute drive and we live 4 hours away. Now they seem to be under the impression they should get some inheritance, even though all assets were held jointly with Mom, and HELLO, she's still alive!! I don't see it as a difficult concept that she might actually need money to live on since she's only 66 and in great health. Although I've always had a good relationship with my older brother, now they have become rude, argumentative, and even threatening, to the point we had to file a police report and request a VPO to stop the harassment. This behavior I'm certain stems from the fact that Mom leans on my financial expertise because of my occupation, and because I'm the only offspring she can completely trust with her money. I'm also the executor of the will that she is having prepared. My nephew actually asked my Mom point-blank yesterday if he could have his trust fund now, and that I had previously told him of the fund's existence (which is a total lie, since no such funds exist at all).


Other than cutting off contact with them (which we've already done), I'm at a loss on how to deal with this. I find their selfish, greedy behavior just repulsing, and hurtful as well. We're fighting the urge to respond in a vindictive manner, but I'm not sure how much longer that's going to last.


Now that the story is told, I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. I suppose it helps just to write and get some of this off my chest. I am open to advice from anyone else that is/has gone through this type of situation. Thanks everyone for letting me rant a little.

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Ignore them. You are doing the right thing, taking care of your Mom, being responsible.


I had the same thing happen awhile ago, I ignored them, they eventually went away. Good luck with this.

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