Need to know if I need to hang out with these people

[ravensfan]

Ok, so I'm a guy. I have this groups of friends I've hung out with (guys) . I've been bad at making friends and need a little help on figuring out what to do.

 

Anyways, I call these people up to hang out. They tell me that they're down to hang out, and they tell me they'll call me back. They used to call back. They don't anymore. I haven't hung out out with them too long, only a couple months. Because of this, and the fact that they don't reach out to me first, I get the vibe that I'm not considered as someone who's company they want/need. They don't even apologize or bring up the fact that they forgot to call.

 

Am I correct in thinking this? Should I ditch them? Am I being too sensitive here? Like I said, I've been bad at making long term friendships, I may need some help here. Thanks.

[misssmithviii]

I don't say ditch them but find some more friends and don't keep calling them. Those guys could probably start getting annoyed if you're so obviously expecting them to apologize if they forget. I mean, my man and I have the closest friends we call 'the guys' and we call each other/show up all the time, it doesn't matter because we've been so close for so long.

 

But we did have this friend we called GS (after a car he had) who got ALL butt-hurt once that we didn't call him and texted saying "thanks guys, I'm just gonna stay home and drink my vodka then" and well, we all make fun of him now.

 

Get some more friends and remember to not care about people who don't care about you - takes the drama and worry out of the whole situation

[ravensfan]

I don't say ditch them but find some more friends and don't keep calling them. Those guys could probably start getting annoyed if you're so obviously expecting them to apologize if they forget. I mean, my man and I have the closest friends we call 'the guys' and we call each other/show up all the time, it doesn't matter because we've been so close for so long.

 

But we did have this friend we called GS (after a car he had) who got ALL butt-hurt once that we didn't call him and texted saying "thanks guys, I'm just gonna stay home and drink my vodka then" and well, we all make fun of him now.

 

Get some more friends and remember to not care about people who don't care about you - takes the drama and worry out of the whole situation

 

I know what you mean. Well I make sure not to bring up the fact that it bothers me, I'm aware that complaining about it would affect my status amongst other guys. I don't call them ALL the time, I try to hold off every couple of days, even if it means being bored at home or whatever.

 

I just feel that if i never call them I will never be called. Also what I'm not sure of is where to draw the line - at what point can I write them off as friends who aren't worth being around?

[alli]

I know what you mean. Well I make sure not to bring up the fact that it bothers me, I'm aware that complaining about it would affect my status amongst other guys. I don't call them ALL the time, I try to hold off every couple of days, even if it means being bored at home or whatever.

 

I just feel that if i never call them I will never be called. Also what I'm not sure of is where to draw the line - at what point can I write them off as friends who aren't worth being around?

 

You call every couple of days?? That seems a bit much, honestly. Call them once a week, on the weekends. If you want to hang out with people more, try to start building a larger group of friends. Maybe a neighbor or something that requires little effort to get together; all you have to do is walk accross the street.

 

Do you go out to the bars? Buy a round of drinks for your group of friends every once in a while. No one dislikes the guy who buys the drinks.

[ravensfan]

Do you go out to the bars? Buy a round of drinks for your group of friends every once in a while. No one dislikes the guy who buys the drinks.

 

You're absolutely right about that. The problem is that they won't like me as much once I can't afford it anymore. These guys hang out every day as it is.

[alli]

You're absolutely right about that. The problem is that they won't like me as much once I can't afford it anymore. These guys hang out every day as it is.

 

Go out with them once a week & buy a round once a month. Should be able to afford that?

[Seymore]

You're absolutely right about that. The problem is that they won't like me as much once I can't afford it anymore. These guys hang out every day as it is.

 

Reminds me EXACTLY of the song "Nobody Wants You When You're Down And Out" by Bobby Womack. True friends are friends no matter if you're springing. My best friend is happy sitting at my place for 8 hours doing nothing but watching TV or talking. He can't afford to do much more with me than go out for dinner once a week, and I understand that. But don't be too needy.

[ravensfan]

Well I'm trying to make more friends. For whatever reason it's hard for me to get included into new circles of friends. Hanging out and being social helps me keep from thinking about other issues that keep me down in life, which is why I guess I insist on hanging out.

 

Anyways, the whole needy thing, I understand. What I don't get is that this group of friends hangs out about every day. How is there no neediness amongst them, aka why would it be wrong for me to contact them more than once a week?

 

I'm just trying to wrap my head around this whole friendship deal. Maybe it's better I quit while I'm ahead.

[alli]

 

Anyways, the whole needy thing, I understand. What I don't get is that this group of friends hangs out about every day. How is there no neediness amongst them, aka why would it be wrong for me to contact them more than once a week?

 

 

They hang out every day?? Don't they have wives/girlfriends/family, a house to take care of, a workout routine, any other hobbies?? I would get sooo tired of hanging out with the same group of friends every single day!! Are you sure they are together that often?

 

Where do they go? Do they just go to one person's house, or do they go out to a bar or something? Like you said, you can't afford to go out every day anyway.

 

It just seems strange to me that they would hang out so much. I need time to do my own things, hanging out with friends is a once or twice a month thing for me.

[ravensfan]

They hang out every day?? Don't they have wives/girlfriends/family, a house to take care of, a workout routine, any other hobbies?? I would get sooo tired of hanging out with the same group of friends every single day!! Are you sure they are together that often?

 

Where do they go? Do they just go to one person's house, or do they go out to a bar or something? Like you said, you can't afford to go out every day anyway.

 

It just seems strange to me that they would hang out so much. I need time to do my own things, hanging out with friends is a once or twice a month thing for me.

 

Yea they hang out about every day. One of the guys doesn't have a girlfriend, one of the guys does but either he prefers to be away from her or brings her to the third guy's (who is married and whose wife doesn't care who is over) house. The main thing I don't get is why someone would say they would call me back, yet they don't. Maybe it bothers me so much because it's against my personal values, I always call someone back/ apologize for not calling back.

[alli]

Yea they hang out about every day. One of the guys doesn't have a girlfriend, one of the guys does but either he prefers to be away from her or brings her to the third guy's (who is married and whose wife doesn't care who is over) house. The main thing I don't get is why someone would say they would call me back, yet they don't. Maybe it bothers me so much because it's against my personal values, I always call someone back/ apologize for not calling back.

 

Yeah it's kind of weird. Maybe they just don't think it's something they "should" do. Kind of like people who neglect to return their rsvps & make me spend have a day calling & messaging everyone. Or, that they just don't like hanging out with you a whole lot. It really depends on how they act around you. It's hard for you to know if they act the same when you are there as when you are gone since you're only there to see half of it. But I know when someone isn't well-liked, the others become rather quiet & don't do much or joke around much.

 

Maybe, instead of calling early & waiting on someone to call you back, you should call in the evening when they are probably all already together & ask what they are up to, so there would be no reason for them to need to call you back & let you know what's going on.

[ravensfan]

Maybe, instead of calling early & waiting on someone to call you back, you should call in the evening when they are probably all already together & ask what they are up to, so there would be no reason for them to need to call you back & let you know what's going on.

 

Yea, maybe I'll do that. For now though I think I'll lay low and unless they call me first, I'll just find something else to do/other people to hang out with for a little while.

[misssmithviii]

You know, my man and I have this really close group of friends and we talk everyday, usually hang out everyday whether we're sitting around doing nothing, or we're doing something else to one of our cars. It's not far-fetched in our world to be so chill and so close to our friends that we all just kick it every day, and it is weird when one friend goes out without inviting the other in our group because we all enjoy being together so much - and it's been this way for years.

 

I think those people probably just don't enjoy your company that much, it's nothing to take to heart and too hard on yourself - it's just their preference. And that is why I suggested you go out and find other people to be friends with. People who share your interests and who you can legitimately relate to, and who feel the same about you. You cannot force a connection, nor can you make someone like you - so when you find that some people just don't, instead of focusing on how to make them call you or whatever, go out and find other people.

 

Just lay low and go hang out with other people and do your own thing.

All I can really leave you with is that true friends, real friends don't ignore you and leave you out of the picture.