kids and love

[boowant]

If you found the love of your life and been w/ them for quite some time and your kid came to you and told you they didnt like that person (and in not so many words told you to leave) Would you?

[DN]

Not unless there was a very good reason for the dislike. Children don't get a veto over the parent's lives.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

No..not unless there was abuse or molestation of the child by that partner.

[teabee]

No way. I hated all of my mother's boyfriends when I was younger, and it never had to do with what the guy was like, it was mostly because it made me uncomfortable and I was a brat when it came to my mom dating.

 

I suppose if the son/daughter is an adult child, then their opinion might count for more, but in general no family member should have the power to break you up if you're happy and fine in the relationship.

[boowant]

Thats what i tought 2 , my kid dont like my b/f but he has never done anything to her unless to tell her to clean her room. She told me to leave him and i said no but did feel a bit selfish. But i thought i did the right thing,Thanx

[teabee]

What is your daughter's reason for not liking your bf?

[boowant]

What is your daughter's reason for not liking your bf?

 

I messed up and didnt give her chores and stuff like that untell right before i got with him (she was 6) So i was becomeing more strict and she blames it on him! I did ask him to help me w/ her she was becoming very diffuicate so she had rules and chores and so HATED it. So anyways she blames this all on him!

[teabee]

Oh ok. I would be mad too if someone came along and suddenly I wasn't allowed to be lazy anymore I think that reaction is to be expected. Keep in mind that her perspective is naturally more selfish since she's a kid so you can't put too much stock in her opinion especially when she's mainly upset over chores. As long as he's good to her, she will learn to like him once she gets used to her responsibilities.

[boowant]

Thanx hun u sound alot older than 21 LOL! I did have to grow to love my step dad too! It is hard seein ur parent w/ someone else. I seen how much my mom loved this man and how happy she was with him so it made me love him 2! In my opoion i honestly dont think my kid will ever see it this way! But thats a story in its self! I dont think i chose him over her i chose both! This is a hard topic dont u think?

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Maybe have a talk with her about the changes in her discipline expectations, it could help.

Tell her that you feel it is for her own good to do chores and be responsible. I would also suggest that your boyfriend not be the one to tell her to do the chores (at least while she is still sore about it), as it will only make her keep thinking it is his fault.

[FarthestEdge]

Also, the directions should come from YOU not him. You are her parent. It's natural and easy for her to blame him, but when HE says "'tidy your room", she thinks "WHO are YOU to tell me what to do?", and in a way, she's right. Use his suggestions, when you feel they are valid, but you need to be the one to lay the rules down. He has to earn her respect (note, this is different than 'liking' him, or even following HIS rules) before he could be seen as an authority figure in any way.

 

He needs to take a back seat IMO. YOU need to be the one establishing her boundaries.

 

Keep your conversations about parenting with him private. Don't let her hear him say "You're going to let her talk to you like that?" Because then, he just sounds like an instigator, and you look like a puppet. Better to go back the next day after having a private conversation with him, saying to her "I'd like to talk to you about what you said/did last night. You caught me off guard, but that behavior isn't acceptable here. Please don't do it again, because I won't tolerate it", or whatever, than to let her hear him tell you how to parent.

 

But don't let him orchestrate your relationship with her. YOU are her parent.

[Mauxly]

No, your kids have no say in your love life. Unless, as another poster stated, molestation or abuse is involved. I hated hated hated my stepmother when I was a child. To the point where I did some pretty crazy things to try to split them up (yeah, I was a total hellion). Thank god all of my efforts failed. They are still together 30 years later and still completely in love, theirs is the kind of relationship I aspire to have. And she is like a second mother to me. I love her so much now.

 

So just hang in there. Put down your foot, make sure your kids know that you love them completely but that you and your mate are a team.

[boowant]

Thanx u guys for the advice about my kid! But was really just wanting to know if anyone made this descion 2. Not really a descion, dont know how to put it!

[boowant]

The dirctions did come from me at first then she came so out of control i couldnt handle it so i asked for help, she listend to him! I know the feelin bout a step parent tellin you what to do..Been there done that now i understand! He has told her not to talk to me that way because she would lie her a** off about everything, her father would not help me with anything so she needed some kind of guideing, she told him penty of times before you are more of a father then my real dad.