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My boyfriend broke up with me over a year ago now. We'd been together for two and a half years, since we were 17 and came to University together. We constantly argued and I was just a nightmare girlfriend to be honest and he just didn't try hard enough.


I wanted to cut off all contact when we broke up but he didn't want that so we stayed friends and it was really great. We go out for drinks and meals together about once or twice a month and talk fine.


At the start of the break up i struggled with my feelings and whenever i saw him when i was out drinking it always ended up with me telling him i still loved him etc etc.


However, the past couple of months i felt i'd moved on finally and we were better friends than ever and it was really working in that sense.


Then a couple of nights ago, we were both out and very drunk. Somehow we ended up kissing - i initiated it - for quite a while. We then talked afterwards with him saying it wasn't fair to go back there and he said it couldnt just happen with no consequences and because it was me it would always mean something more.


We then went our separate ways and i didn't see him again until the end of the night. I tried to talk to him but my friends wouldn't let me and tried to get me to go home. I can barely remember what we spoke about and in the end we both went home.


I haven't had a proper chance to talk to him since, nor do i know if it's a good idea. I apologised to him yesterday online and he just said that it was ok. I am unsure what my feelings are now and feel like i'm right back at the beginning of the break up! I just don't want to lose his friendship at all because i couldn't not have him in my life at all but i don't know if that's for the best right now!


Any advice at all would be great!

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It sounds as though you're using friendship as a means to hold on for something more. It also sounds as though everyone is aware of that but you.


This friendship is keeping you stuck, and that's why it still feels like a fresh breakup over and over again. I'd consider staying out of contact with the ex until you've clearly moved on. That doesn't mean how well you can 'appear' to have moved on until the next time you drink at the same party--it means until you're actually free of the emotional ties that keep you holding on to hope about him.


My heart goes out to you. I know this sounds trite and oversimplified, but I also know that the simplest solution is rarely the easiest.

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